College Essay (Roar)
When I walked into Ms. Mann’s room my freshman year, I felt like that was the only place I could go to feel comfortable and be at ease. I would ask teachers constantly to go to Ms. Mann’s room as soon as something went wrong with my day. This room was truly my safe place.
Everything has changed. I can’t sleep. I can’t go to school. I can’t say or do anything right. I feel like I can’t even breathe without her breathing down my neck. I am her voodoo doll, and she is holding the pins.
My voice has been ripped away from me. Like a piece of candy stolen from a small child I begin to weep as I feel it being grabbed away. Since I was very little, my parents have always told me to stay true to my voice and stay true to myself. I feel as though I have failed them, since I was not able to hold onto what I have always known.
I see her staring at me from across the hall. I can feel her eyes burning through me. The anxiety is starting to build, like a slow simmer of hot water on the stove.
What was she going to say to me now? What did I do wrong this time?
I can hear my mother’s voice tell me to leave it alone, “If she says anything to you, don’t respond, just walk away”.
If I walk away will she make fun of me? What am I wearing today, do I look weird? Do other people think like she thinks? Am I really as disgusting as she tells me I am?
Here it comes. I’m getting closer. I can feel her take that final breath before she begins to tell me something on the lines of how worthless I am. “What’s your problem?”
I don’t have a problem. I move to the left, and she does the same. “You’re so stupid, you can’t even talk to me. Why can’t you say anything to me?”
My opinion doesn’t mean anything no matter what I say to you. I just want to get out of here. Let me get out of here. I move to the right, and she follows again. I move quickly to the left again, and I finally break free.
You don’t understand what you have done to me. I can’t do anything right in your eyes.
Everything has changed. I can’t sleep. I can’t go to school. I can’t say or do anything right. I feel like I can’t even breathe without her breathing down my neck. I am her voodoo doll, and she is holding the pins.
My voice has been ripped away from me. Like a piece of candy stolen from a small child I begin to weep as I feel it being grabbed away. Since I was very little, my parents have always told me to stay true to my voice and stay true to myself. I feel as though I have failed them, since I was not able to hold onto what I have always known.
I see her staring at me from across the hall. I can feel her eyes burning through me. The anxiety is starting to build, like a slow simmer of hot water on the stove.
What was she going to say to me now? What did I do wrong this time?
I can hear my mother’s voice tell me to leave it alone, “If she says anything to you, don’t respond, just walk away”.
If I walk away will she make fun of me? What am I wearing today, do I look weird? Do other people think like she thinks? Am I really as disgusting as she tells me I am?
Here it comes. I’m getting closer. I can feel her take that final breath before she begins to tell me something on the lines of how worthless I am. “What’s your problem?”
I don’t have a problem. I move to the left, and she does the same. “You’re so stupid, you can’t even talk to me. Why can’t you say anything to me?”
My opinion doesn’t mean anything no matter what I say to you. I just want to get out of here. Let me get out of here. I move to the right, and she follows again. I move quickly to the left again, and I finally break free.
You don’t understand what you have done to me. I can’t do anything right in your eyes.