Com 200 Week 5 Assignment
Week 5 Assignment
Joshua L. Grube
Interpersonal Communication: COM 200
Kevin Snyder
9 September, 2013
09 September, 2013
Dear Leo and Jenn, Based off of the knowledge I have gained while participating in Interpersonal Communications course, I have a few key points for communication that will help strengthen and develop your new and blooming relationship. One of the keys to a happy and successful marriage is in fact communication. Do not let the act of talking blind you from the roots of true communication. There is a definite difference between speaking to one another, and communicating with one another, and that line is drawn between quantity of communication and quality of communication. It may surprise you to hear that the most important aspect of communication lies in developing strategies for active, critical, and empathetic listening. Neither one of you will benefit from communicating if your spouse is failing to listen to you. According to Sole (2011) “One of the most neglected interpersonal communication skills, and a core competence we must master to be an effective communicator, is listening. You cannot understand others, respond appropriately to what they say, and provide helpful feedback if you have not listened” (Ch. 7.3). Therefore, either …show more content…
one of you can talk to the other all day, but if you are not listening and hearing what the other is saying, you are failing to communicate.
Interpersonal communication is the building block of a successful relationship, so what does it mean exactly.
According to Ramaraju (2012), “The unique characteristics of interpersonal communication can be explored by tracing the meaning of the word interpersonal. It is derived from the prefix ‘inter’ meaning “between”, and the word person. So, interpersonal communication literally occurs between people” (P. 69). Therefore, communication between the two of you is interpersonal communication, but do not forget that simply exchanging words is not effective communication. Successful interpersonal communication is defined by the depth, quality, and substance of your
conversation. There is also a high importance placed on the barriers of effective interpersonal communication. As discussed before, not listening would be the biggest barrier to effective interpersonal communication. Another major barrier would be defensive listening without restraint. According to Fowers (2001) it is important to develop non-defensive listening skills because “this skill reduces interruptions and the preoccupation with defending oneself and formulating retorts” (P. 329). In my personal experience, one of the biggest speed bumps my wife and I have encountered is defensive listening. One of us would be trying to explain ourselves to the other and the other would become defensive and then lose all restraints and resort to attacking the other using past experiences. Without non-defensive listening, it will be hard to overcome arguments. On that note, it is also important for you both to recognize how words have the power to create and affect attitudes, behavior, and perception. If you want your spouse to be happy and feel loved, you will tell him or her how amazing they look today or how much they mean to you. On the other hand if you tell her that she looked better last week or that his lack of affection makes him unattractive, it might trigger a reaction. Whether you are in a fight or not, it is important to know the power that you hold in your words. Your spouse hangs on your every word, and the second you use your words as a weapon you are opening a conversation, or should I say argument that you will soon regret. You might even say something that you did not perceive to be harmful to your spouse, and it might be the worst thing he or she has ever heard. So I say with confidence, chose your words wisely, because they could mean the world or the end of the world to your significant other. It is important to remember that the first five years of marriage present a number of obstacles that will be both challenging to your relationship and exponentially rewarding to your knowledge and experience for future obstacles. According to an article posted by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (2013) “The first five years can be exhilarating as couples experience new “firsts” together- their first Christmas as a married couple, first dinner party for the in-laws, even their first joint tax return. At the same time, the early years require some radical personal adjustment, which is stressful on the relationship” (Par. 1). Communication will play a pivotal role as you journey together down the path of discovery. This path will not only lead you to discovering your new relationship and experiences, but discovering each other and each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Not that I am trying to scare you, just trying to help prepare you for some of the unknown. The article presented by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (2013) also discusses that “According to research done by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University (2000) the top three issues for couples during the first five years of marriage are time, sex, and money” (Par. 6). With this in mind, you can sit down and discuss a strategy of how to approach these topics and also stress the importance of sharing any and all information and feelings regarding these topics with one another. This way you are being proactive instead of reactive with your communication. This type of communication opens the door to another aspect of interpersonal communication to keep in mind, self-disclosure. It is important to evaluate appropriate levels of self-disclosure within your relationship. Self-disclosure can be defined as “sharing your private feelings, fears, doubts, and perceptions with your partner. (Schoenberg, 2011, McClatchy-Tribune News Service). Schoenberg (2011) goes on to say that “In 1987, a review in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that higher rates of self-disclosure were tied with higher rates of marital satisfaction” (McClatchy-Tribune News Service). It may seem hard at times to share some of your personal embarrassing stories and fears, but it will in turn help bring each other together on a level others will strive to reach. Therefore, if you can achieve a high level of quality communication combined with open self-disclosure, you will already have a head start to building a strong interpersonal relationship with one another. According to Sole (2011): Self-disclosure has many advantages in building interpersonal relationships. When other people disclose personal information, we gain insight into who they are, how they think, what they believe, and what is important to them. This type of information is essential for building strong bonds between people, and it can help you decide how much time you want to spend with someone and what type of relationship you would like to have (Ch. 7.5).
Luckily for you, you already know your relationship type, now the ability to build a strong bond while learning anything and everything you can, rests solely in your hands. The amount of information you want to disclose is completely up to you, but it will determine how willing your partner is to disclose their personal information and how well you can get to know him or her. Another factor of communication that should not be ignored is the impact of gender and culture on your interpersonal communications. Sole (2011) mentions “when you communicate across gender lines, it would be wise to keep in mind that, like culture, gender may predispose women and men to interpret messages differently. As you have learned in this text, in interpersonal communication, it is important not to judge situations from your perspective but to check your perceptions with the other person to determine if he or she interprets a message in the same way that you do” (Ch. 8.3). I constantly try to incorporate this knowledge into my marriage. If you do not possess the ability to and are not willing to try and put yourself into someone else’s “shoes”, you are asking for constant conflict. Possessing this ability gives you a crucial tool into interpreting how one another is feeling and how you are reacting to each other’s words. Miscommunications will be abundant and frequent, but being empathetic to one another’s cultural backgrounds, moral values, and gender tendencies will really help peacefully resolve many of these conflicts. Now knowing that you will encounter conflict, it is then important to discuss strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts. Always have a plan for if a conflict has gotten out of hand. Maybe have a code word to know when the two of you need to just separate and gather your thoughts and emotions. If you are able to reach resolutions without causing more damage to the relationship that is an amazing skill to possess. If you do not, it is important to recognize when a conflict is getting out of control. If separation is required, it is very important to come together after simmering down and discussing what caused the issue and what actions will be taken to resolve the issue, and possibly what can be done to prevent the issue in the future. These communication skills will be well developed if a couple can follow the strategy put forward by Terri Orbuch as discussed by Schoenberg (2011) when describing a strategy to set aside ten minutes a day to dedicate to quality communication in order to maintain and strengthen communication skills within the relationship. It is important to remember a key point within your communication, especially in relation to disagreements and conflicts. This point comes across when Sole (2011) states, “Resentments, suspicions, and other problems occur when people do not communicate or behave in ways that are consistent with the relationship the other person thinks has been established, and people tend to pay the most attention and to respond forcefully when the communication does not match their expectations” (Ch. 8.3). Do not ever forget that you have willingly joined together in holy matrimony, and just because you are upset or uninformed in a situation does not give you permission to disrespect one another. Like I said before, establish a plan when an argument gets out of hand, but more importantly remember that you have done this because you love each other and you do not want to willingly hurt each other. So, we have discussed factors of true communication, key elements of conflict, and the importance of planning for miscommunication, but there is another critical element that ties into to everything that we have discussed, commitment. Fowers (2001) discusses that “This character trait is necessary if relationships are to continue through difficult times and the mundane routines of everyday life. Without commitment, it would be pointless to get to know one another better or to communicate about relationship problems” (P. 333). If neither of you are dedicated to one another and the relationship that you have made a commitment to; then this discussion is pointless. The keys to successful interpersonal communication lie within your control and with commitment, practice, patience, and motivation; there is no limit to the happiness you can achieve. So now we should ask the question, will this letter and all the valuable information and tools for success provided, give you a long and happy marriage? The answer to that question is yours to decide. Take my advice or don’t take my advice, at the end of the day the only one that matters in this situation is him/her. I have warned you of key early marriage issues of conflict. I have given you strategies to prepare for these issues. We discussed the importance of really listening, not just hearing, but listening to one another. We also discussed the importance of communicating, not just speaking to one another, but communicating with one another. We also touched on empathizing and sympathizing with cultural, moral, and gender influences while interpreting one another’s choice of words. I feel confident that if you practice at least a few of the topics we discussed, you will see a difference in your relationship and will have the ability to overcome the obstacles that come hand in hand with marriage. In conclusion, I will say that the success and failure of your marriage is placed solely on your shoulders. Yes there is the physical, financial, and emotional aspect of your relationship, but none of these compare to your communication as a married couple. If you do not have trust and communication within your relationship, a long and happy marriage seems to be a far off fantasy. So I beg of you, know yourself, know each other, and constantly strive to learn more by way of interpersonal communication and you will find that there is no limit to the success and happiness you will find in your relationship.
References
Fowers, B. J. (2001). The Limits of a Technical Concept of a Good Marriage: Exploring the Role of Virtue in Communication Skills. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27(3), 327-40. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/220973696?accountid=32521
Ramaraju, S. (2012). PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVES ON INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION. Researchers World, 3(4), 68-73. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1284725619?accountid=32521
Schoenberg, N. (2011, January 17). Can We Talk? Researcher Talks about the Role of Communication in Happy Marriages. McClatchy-Tribune News Service. Retrieved from ProQuest Newsstand. Document ID: 2240370261
Sole, K. (2011).Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc.
United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (2013). For Your Marriage: Stages of Marriage: Newly Married. Retrieved from http://www.foryourmarriage.org/everymarriage/stages-of-marriage/newly-married/
Joshua L. Grube
Interpersonal Communication: COM 200
Kevin Snyder
9 September, 2013
09 September, 2013
Dear Leo and Jenn, Based off of the knowledge I have gained while participating in Interpersonal Communications course, I have a few key points for communication that will help strengthen and develop your new and blooming relationship. One of the keys to a happy and successful marriage is in fact communication. Do not let the act of talking blind you from the roots of true communication. There is a definite difference between speaking to one another, and communicating with one another, and that line is drawn between quantity of communication and quality of communication. It may surprise you to hear that the most important aspect of communication lies in developing strategies for active, critical, and empathetic listening. Neither one of you will benefit from communicating if your spouse is failing to listen to you. According to Sole (2011) “One of the most neglected interpersonal communication skills, and a core competence we must master to be an effective communicator, is listening. You cannot understand others, respond appropriately to what they say, and provide helpful feedback if you have not listened” (Ch. 7.3). Therefore, either …show more content…
one of you can talk to the other all day, but if you are not listening and hearing what the other is saying, you are failing to communicate.
Interpersonal communication is the building block of a successful relationship, so what does it mean exactly.
According to Ramaraju (2012), “The unique characteristics of interpersonal communication can be explored by tracing the meaning of the word interpersonal. It is derived from the prefix ‘inter’ meaning “between”, and the word person. So, interpersonal communication literally occurs between people” (P. 69). Therefore, communication between the two of you is interpersonal communication, but do not forget that simply exchanging words is not effective communication. Successful interpersonal communication is defined by the depth, quality, and substance of your
conversation. There is also a high importance placed on the barriers of effective interpersonal communication. As discussed before, not listening would be the biggest barrier to effective interpersonal communication. Another major barrier would be defensive listening without restraint. According to Fowers (2001) it is important to develop non-defensive listening skills because “this skill reduces interruptions and the preoccupation with defending oneself and formulating retorts” (P. 329). In my personal experience, one of the biggest speed bumps my wife and I have encountered is defensive listening. One of us would be trying to explain ourselves to the other and the other would become defensive and then lose all restraints and resort to attacking the other using past experiences. Without non-defensive listening, it will be hard to overcome arguments. On that note, it is also important for you both to recognize how words have the power to create and affect attitudes, behavior, and perception. If you want your spouse to be happy and feel loved, you will tell him or her how amazing they look today or how much they mean to you. On the other hand if you tell her that she looked better last week or that his lack of affection makes him unattractive, it might trigger a reaction. Whether you are in a fight or not, it is important to know the power that you hold in your words. Your spouse hangs on your every word, and the second you use your words as a weapon you are opening a conversation, or should I say argument that you will soon regret. You might even say something that you did not perceive to be harmful to your spouse, and it might be the worst thing he or she has ever heard. So I say with confidence, chose your words wisely, because they could mean the world or the end of the world to your significant other. It is important to remember that the first five years of marriage present a number of obstacles that will be both challenging to your relationship and exponentially rewarding to your knowledge and experience for future obstacles. According to an article posted by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (2013) “The first five years can be exhilarating as couples experience new “firsts” together- their first Christmas as a married couple, first dinner party for the in-laws, even their first joint tax return. At the same time, the early years require some radical personal adjustment, which is stressful on the relationship” (Par. 1). Communication will play a pivotal role as you journey together down the path of discovery. This path will not only lead you to discovering your new relationship and experiences, but discovering each other and each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Not that I am trying to scare you, just trying to help prepare you for some of the unknown. The article presented by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (2013) also discusses that “According to research done by the Center for Marriage and Family at Creighton University (2000) the top three issues for couples during the first five years of marriage are time, sex, and money” (Par. 6). With this in mind, you can sit down and discuss a strategy of how to approach these topics and also stress the importance of sharing any and all information and feelings regarding these topics with one another. This way you are being proactive instead of reactive with your communication. This type of communication opens the door to another aspect of interpersonal communication to keep in mind, self-disclosure. It is important to evaluate appropriate levels of self-disclosure within your relationship. Self-disclosure can be defined as “sharing your private feelings, fears, doubts, and perceptions with your partner. (Schoenberg, 2011, McClatchy-Tribune News Service). Schoenberg (2011) goes on to say that “In 1987, a review in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that higher rates of self-disclosure were tied with higher rates of marital satisfaction” (McClatchy-Tribune News Service). It may seem hard at times to share some of your personal embarrassing stories and fears, but it will in turn help bring each other together on a level others will strive to reach. Therefore, if you can achieve a high level of quality communication combined with open self-disclosure, you will already have a head start to building a strong interpersonal relationship with one another. According to Sole (2011): Self-disclosure has many advantages in building interpersonal relationships. When other people disclose personal information, we gain insight into who they are, how they think, what they believe, and what is important to them. This type of information is essential for building strong bonds between people, and it can help you decide how much time you want to spend with someone and what type of relationship you would like to have (Ch. 7.5).
Luckily for you, you already know your relationship type, now the ability to build a strong bond while learning anything and everything you can, rests solely in your hands. The amount of information you want to disclose is completely up to you, but it will determine how willing your partner is to disclose their personal information and how well you can get to know him or her. Another factor of communication that should not be ignored is the impact of gender and culture on your interpersonal communications. Sole (2011) mentions “when you communicate across gender lines, it would be wise to keep in mind that, like culture, gender may predispose women and men to interpret messages differently. As you have learned in this text, in interpersonal communication, it is important not to judge situations from your perspective but to check your perceptions with the other person to determine if he or she interprets a message in the same way that you do” (Ch. 8.3). I constantly try to incorporate this knowledge into my marriage. If you do not possess the ability to and are not willing to try and put yourself into someone else’s “shoes”, you are asking for constant conflict. Possessing this ability gives you a crucial tool into interpreting how one another is feeling and how you are reacting to each other’s words. Miscommunications will be abundant and frequent, but being empathetic to one another’s cultural backgrounds, moral values, and gender tendencies will really help peacefully resolve many of these conflicts. Now knowing that you will encounter conflict, it is then important to discuss strategies for managing interpersonal conflicts. Always have a plan for if a conflict has gotten out of hand. Maybe have a code word to know when the two of you need to just separate and gather your thoughts and emotions. If you are able to reach resolutions without causing more damage to the relationship that is an amazing skill to possess. If you do not, it is important to recognize when a conflict is getting out of control. If separation is required, it is very important to come together after simmering down and discussing what caused the issue and what actions will be taken to resolve the issue, and possibly what can be done to prevent the issue in the future. These communication skills will be well developed if a couple can follow the strategy put forward by Terri Orbuch as discussed by Schoenberg (2011) when describing a strategy to set aside ten minutes a day to dedicate to quality communication in order to maintain and strengthen communication skills within the relationship. It is important to remember a key point within your communication, especially in relation to disagreements and conflicts. This point comes across when Sole (2011) states, “Resentments, suspicions, and other problems occur when people do not communicate or behave in ways that are consistent with the relationship the other person thinks has been established, and people tend to pay the most attention and to respond forcefully when the communication does not match their expectations” (Ch. 8.3). Do not ever forget that you have willingly joined together in holy matrimony, and just because you are upset or uninformed in a situation does not give you permission to disrespect one another. Like I said before, establish a plan when an argument gets out of hand, but more importantly remember that you have done this because you love each other and you do not want to willingly hurt each other. So, we have discussed factors of true communication, key elements of conflict, and the importance of planning for miscommunication, but there is another critical element that ties into to everything that we have discussed, commitment. Fowers (2001) discusses that “This character trait is necessary if relationships are to continue through difficult times and the mundane routines of everyday life. Without commitment, it would be pointless to get to know one another better or to communicate about relationship problems” (P. 333). If neither of you are dedicated to one another and the relationship that you have made a commitment to; then this discussion is pointless. The keys to successful interpersonal communication lie within your control and with commitment, practice, patience, and motivation; there is no limit to the happiness you can achieve. So now we should ask the question, will this letter and all the valuable information and tools for success provided, give you a long and happy marriage? The answer to that question is yours to decide. Take my advice or don’t take my advice, at the end of the day the only one that matters in this situation is him/her. I have warned you of key early marriage issues of conflict. I have given you strategies to prepare for these issues. We discussed the importance of really listening, not just hearing, but listening to one another. We also discussed the importance of communicating, not just speaking to one another, but communicating with one another. We also touched on empathizing and sympathizing with cultural, moral, and gender influences while interpreting one another’s choice of words. I feel confident that if you practice at least a few of the topics we discussed, you will see a difference in your relationship and will have the ability to overcome the obstacles that come hand in hand with marriage. In conclusion, I will say that the success and failure of your marriage is placed solely on your shoulders. Yes there is the physical, financial, and emotional aspect of your relationship, but none of these compare to your communication as a married couple. If you do not have trust and communication within your relationship, a long and happy marriage seems to be a far off fantasy. So I beg of you, know yourself, know each other, and constantly strive to learn more by way of interpersonal communication and you will find that there is no limit to the success and happiness you will find in your relationship.
References
Fowers, B. J. (2001). The Limits of a Technical Concept of a Good Marriage: Exploring the Role of Virtue in Communication Skills. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27(3), 327-40. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/220973696?accountid=32521
Ramaraju, S. (2012). PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVES ON INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION. Researchers World, 3(4), 68-73. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1284725619?accountid=32521
Schoenberg, N. (2011, January 17). Can We Talk? Researcher Talks about the Role of Communication in Happy Marriages. McClatchy-Tribune News Service. Retrieved from ProQuest Newsstand. Document ID: 2240370261
Sole, K. (2011).Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc.
United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (2013). For Your Marriage: Stages of Marriage: Newly Married. Retrieved from http://www.foryourmarriage.org/everymarriage/stages-of-marriage/newly-married/