DNA Of Relationships

In the book “The DNA of Relationships” Dr. Gary Smalley gives many examples of how to handle rough patches in a relationship. He gives advice on things you need to work on in yourself before confronting your partner, or friend. He also lists many fears and our reactions to these fears. It is a good book to read whether you are in a relationship or not. Dr. Smalley discussed fears in chapter two. There were several fears that stuck out to me while I read through the list. I recognized these fears in my own life, and relationships I have had. Now, I have never been in a romantic relationship, but I see these played out in my friendships and other relationships such as that. The first fear I have is failure. My response to fear of failure
Smalley also discussed some things we need to take into consideration before we fight with others. Some of his tips made me rethink how I currently picture how I look at discussions. One thing he said was to always listen to the heart; not the words of the other person. It reminded me that it is not about the words they are saying, it is about how they feel about it. Emotion plays a bigger role than just mere words. You can hear when a person is choking up, or really angry, but their words might say something different. Listen to these cues, and react accordingly. When I am talking to my best friend on the phone and we just had a fight, I always try to make her forgive me and say “I love you such much,” and she will say “I love you big time,” but I can hear the reluctance in her voice. She does not want to end the conversation with “I love you” she probably has a few choice words she would rather end it with. But in those situations I need to take responsibility for my actions. Never blame the things you do or say on anyone else. Your friend does not control you. You are responsible for you. It is mature to be liable for what you do. It shows how much you care about someone, when you tell them you are sorry for what you have done. I hardly ever take responsibility for the things I have done. Now, I do not blame others, I just do not want to admit when I have done something wrong. I feel like I have failed and I hate failure. When it comes to my best friend, I will always apologize. It may take week, but I will always ask her to forgive me and we can move on. The last important thing to remember is that you cannot make someone change. If you really cared about them you would never ask them to change. This also shows the problem lies with you. You cannot be happy with someone for reasons you can change. The only person you can change is yourself. I often times forget that I cannot ask someone to change just to make me happy. If they do not make me happy, I do