English 107 Class Reflection
In my opinion, I have learned well the all concepts we have studied in this English 107 class throughout the 2015 fall semester. In this final assignment I am revising my first essay I wrote in this class. The reason why I chose my first essay to revise is because this was my first essay I have ever written in college, and now that I almost finished my first semester of college I want to look back to see what I wrote and compare myself how I improved in terms of a writer. In addition, because my major requires a lot of writing skill, by analyzing my own essay will definitely help me with my future writing assignments and career.
My first essay had lots of issues in expression and convention. After I saw the teacher comments on my essay, I …show more content…
First of all, although, the thesis statement of my essay seems okay, the explanation I provided in the thesis statement is very vague, and it needs to be clear in order to make the thesis statement more convincing for the readers. It says “This is clearly illustrated in the story by the story protagonist’s self pride when making the bet around other people watching them”. There are many types of pride that people take in themselves, therefore, I need to clarify what type of pride the protagonists have, in order to make it clear what I am going to talk about further. Furthermore, the third last sentence of the last body paragraph does not connect to the thesis statement, and is confusing to understand what it means. For example, instead of talking about the consequence of blind pride of “The Bet”, I wrote about a random example of horse racing that does not correlate to the thesis statement at all. Therefore, to change this unclear long sentence, I deleted this and explained more about how blind pride leads a person to make a bad decision. Another sentence that should be fixed is “The young man looked emotionally unstable because he has no one to share his feelings and he would do random thing at random times because he does not know what to do to spend his time”. The problem with this sentence is I put it in a wrong place, I should have placed it right before the illustration sentence instead of its current position. All these corrections can be found in the yellow
My first essay had lots of issues in expression and convention. After I saw the teacher comments on my essay, I …show more content…
First of all, although, the thesis statement of my essay seems okay, the explanation I provided in the thesis statement is very vague, and it needs to be clear in order to make the thesis statement more convincing for the readers. It says “This is clearly illustrated in the story by the story protagonist’s self pride when making the bet around other people watching them”. There are many types of pride that people take in themselves, therefore, I need to clarify what type of pride the protagonists have, in order to make it clear what I am going to talk about further. Furthermore, the third last sentence of the last body paragraph does not connect to the thesis statement, and is confusing to understand what it means. For example, instead of talking about the consequence of blind pride of “The Bet”, I wrote about a random example of horse racing that does not correlate to the thesis statement at all. Therefore, to change this unclear long sentence, I deleted this and explained more about how blind pride leads a person to make a bad decision. Another sentence that should be fixed is “The young man looked emotionally unstable because he has no one to share his feelings and he would do random thing at random times because he does not know what to do to spend his time”. The problem with this sentence is I put it in a wrong place, I should have placed it right before the illustration sentence instead of its current position. All these corrections can be found in the yellow