Kindred Identity Analysis
Hi Brianna,
I 'm Benjamin, your tutor for this draft of your essay. I understand that you wanted some help with content and grammar, but there are other revisions you can make that will have a greater impact on your paper that we need to take care of first.
Essay Summary
This essay examines how issues of identity were influenced by language, appearance, and mannerisms in Kindred.
Strengths of the Essay
You have a great deal of discussion backed up by solid examples and evidence throughout your paper, Brianna. This makes your observations and claims very persuasive. Nice work.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion both give equal focus to Dana and Kevin, but the rest of your paper focuses on Dana almost exclusively. …show more content…
This leaves the reader confused about what your paper is actually about, and where all the discussion of Kevin is.
To fix this, you need to revise both your introduction and conclusion. You can acknowledge Kevin 's place, but make it clear that this paper is about identity as Dana experienced it. Here is one way that you can start revising your introduction to do this (your original text is black; my revisions are in blue):
This resulted in a change in Identity for both characters. In the case of Dana, playing her role Playing their roles in the Ante-bellum south leaves a permanent mark on her. both characters. Dana shifted her and Kevin’s shift in identity to be ______ because it was were necessary for survival. In order to fit into the antebellum south she they had to change her their use of language, appearance, and mannerisms.
Fill in the blank space with a more specific description of what her identity shifted into. What did it used to be, and what new identity was she forced to put on? As you revise, look over your conclusion and use my revisions above as a guide to narrow its focus to Dana also.
Organization
Your body paragraphs discuss multiple issues and examples in a great deal of depth, Brianna. This is a problem because your readers will have trouble distinguishing information on one issue from information on a different issue.
To fix this, you need to split up your body paragraphs to each approach one specific topic. For example, your second paragraph broadly covers use of language. However, within that very broad category you focus on two main issues: 1) tensions with antebellum whites because of her language and 2) the tensions that arose between Dana and other black people.
Split this paragraph into two paragraphs. Focus one on each issue. As you revise the rest of your paper, give each body paragraph this same treatment. Ask yourself:
What is the overall topic of this paragraph?
Are there two or more distinct, major issues, sub-topics, or themes discussed in depth within this one paragraph?
Use these questions as a guide in finding other places where you need to divide up your body paragraphs. Make sure to move any applicable information to the correct new paragraph.
Action Plan
1. Focus your introduction and conclusion primarily on Dana.
2. Split up any body paragraphs containing two or more distinct issues or topics.
3. Proofread and spell-check your revised draft to catch misspellings and other mistakes.
4. Consider submitting your revised draft to Pearson Tutor Services, bearing in mind your remaining submissions and your draft deadline.
Good luck in revising your paper and in your future writing, Brianna.
Brianna Boyd
Professor Walker
ENG-102H/05 SP13
4 April 2013
Identity Shift in Kindred by Octavia Butler
In the book Kindred by Octavia Butler Dana and Kevin must change the way they act and perceive the world in order to survive during the Ante-bellum south. Through the course of the book the reader slowly notices a change in both characters. Dana and Kevin not only begin to start acting the part, but there is also a change in the way they must begin to think. “We’re going to have to fit in as best we can with the people here for as long as we have to stay. That means we’re going to have to play the roles you gave us”. (Butler, 65) This resulted in a change in Identity for both characters. Playing their roles in the Ante-bellum south leaves a permanent mark on both characters. Dana and Kevin’s shift in identity were necessary for survival. In order to fit into the antebellum south they had to change their use of language, appearance, and mannerisms. [This is a clear, strong thesis statement that presents your main claim and supporting details. Well done!]
Dana’s use of language in the book gets her into a lot of trouble. She doesn’t know how to talk like a slave, she was accustomed to speaking like an educated woman educated because this was an advantage where she was from. The more educated you were in the 19th century the more likely you were to succeed in society. Her use of language however, deemed to have a negative effect on her during Ante-bellum south because everyone assumed that she was trying to talk like a white person. Nigel even asked her “why you try to talk like white folks” (Butler, 74). But in reality Dana was not trying to speak like a white person that was the way that she naturally spoke and despite her attempts she could not could not mock the slave dialect “I wasn’t good at accents. I had deliberately decided not to try to assume one. But if that meant I was going to be in trouble every time I opened my mouth, my life here would be even worse than I had imagined “(Butler, 74). The way she spoke caused a lot of the slaves, Marse Tom, and Miss Margaret to despise her. Marse Tom and Miss Margaret didn’t like the way Dana spoke because they knew educated niggers were a danger, they were also intimidated and embarrassed by the idea that a black person could read and write better than them “Wyelin doesn’t like the way you talk. I don’t think he’s had much education himself, and he resents you” (Butler, 80). Marse Tom also didn’t like her because he knew she could be a danger to the current slave population as well “He don’t want no niggers’ round here talking better than him, putting freedom ideas in our heads “(Butler, 74) explained Nigel. An educated black person in the south was a danger to the rest of the blacks, therefore no black could be educated “Education made blacks dissatisfied with slavery. It spoiled them for field work. The Methodist minister said it made them disobedient, made them want more than the lord intended them to have” (Butler, 236). [Here, you are moving from conflict with white people to conflict with black people. Start a new paragraph to signal this transition.] Dana also had trouble getting along with all the slaves as well because of the way that she spoke. They didn’t like that she spoke like a white person, it implied she was trying to be white “You always try to act so white. White nigger, turning against your own people!” (Butler, 165). They knew she was different, and anything foreign was dangerous to them because they didn’t know who to trust. During those times anyone could be a spy so they were skeptical on who to trust. Therefore, she wasn’t even accepted into the comfort of her own kind “I went into the cookhouse and the young man who had his mouth open to speak closed it quickly, looking at me with open hostility. The old man simply turned his back” (Butler 220). They figured since she spoke like a white person than she must be close to the white folks, so she couldn’t be trusted. “But the field hands... They just didn’t know me, didn’t know how loyal I might be to Rufus or Margaret, didn’t know what I might report” (Butler, 220). Therefore, through her own language she became subjected to ridicule by her own kind “Think you know so much. Reading-nigger. White-nigger” (Butler, 160). Though Dana tried to conceal her identity she could not manage to change her use and style of language, it made her stick out amongst the other slaves like a sore thumb. Her appearance also shaped her identity throughout the book as well.
From the first time Dana traveled back in time to save Rufus her appearance shaped her identity. When she traveled back in time to save Rufus from drowning she was wearing jeans which made his mother and father mistake her for a man “not with you dressed like that! She thought you were a man at first, just like I did – and like daddy did” (Butler, 29). This shows a change in the culture from the 19th century to the antebellum south. Where Dana was from it was quite common for women to wear jeans, it was not a masculine thing. Throughout her time in the past she continues to wear jeans as well, this is one form of identity she doesn’t conform to though it bothered the slaves to see her dressed like that “Alice held up a long blue dress. “This is for you” she said. “I’m sick of seeing you in them pants” I looked down at my jeans. “I’m so used to dressing like this, I forget sometimes” (Butler, 165). [This body paragraph seems to be about both the conflicts resulting from her appearance and Dana using a modified appearance for her own ends. Create two distinct paragraphs to give each idea enough attention.] In some ways, the way she dressed also concealed her identity, like when she had planned to run away from the Wyelin plantation “I had decided to become a boy. In the loose, shabby, but definitely male clothing I had chosen, my height and my contralto voice would get me by I hoped” (Butler, 170). Through the way she dressed she hoped to confuse people of her gender, she wanted to temporarily become a man. Her appearance also set her apart from the other slaves “the dress Alice had made me looked too much like the dresses every other slave woman on the place wore” (Butler, 170) . She purposely dressed this way to set herself apart from the other slave women, exemplifying her resistance to conform. Further examples in which Dana’s wardrobe changed her identity comes to light with her comparison in appearance to Alice’s mother. Dana and Alice’s mother and Alice looked so much alike, they could almost be twins, the only thing that made the two look different was the way Dana dressed “You look a little like Alice’s mother. If you wore a dress and tied your hair up, you’d look a lot like her” (Butler, 28). She was almost nearly mistaken for her twin when, a patroller came to harass Alice’s mother as well, but her clothes proved otherwise “You could be her sister, her twin sister, almost … Her sister dressed up like a boy! ‘’ (Butler, 28). The only thing that did keep Dana safe during this time period was her ability to learn and adapt to the slave mannerisms. During this time period one of the most important factors to shape her identity, and keep her safe as a slave was Dana’s mannerisms, she had to learn to act like a slave or she wouldn’t have survived.
[All this focus on Dana should be reflected in your introduction and conclusion. Otherwise, your reader will be distracted by continually wondering when you are going to discuss Kevin in similar depth.] She had to learn how to be obedient, submissive, and take orders from others effortlessly which is not what she was used to in the 19th century. If she hadn’t adapted to the mannerisms of a slave she would be seen as a threat to the white people and this would have put her life in danger. “Rufus’s time demanded things of me that had never been demanded before it could easily kill me if I did not meet its demands “ ( Butler, 191) Even the slightest form of disrespect could get her in trouble “At first I stared back. Then I looked away, remembering that I was supposed to be a slave. Slaves lowered their eyes respectfully. To stare back was insolent” (Butler, 66). It had happened to many slaves “Once I was called over to the slaves cabins – the quarter – to watch Wyelin punish a field hand for the crime of answering back” (Butler, 92). Some advice Luke gave to Nigel was “Don’t argue with white folks, “He had said. “Don’t tell them ‘no’. Don’t let them see you mad. Just say ‘Yes sir’.” (Butler, 96). Even the way that she addressed white people had to change “No doubt I was supposed to give him some title of respect. But “Master”? “You have to say it, “he insisted.”Or ‘Young Master’ or… or Mister’... “You’ll get in trouble if you don’t, if daddy hears you. (Butler, 30) Dana had to completely change as a person, and she did so very well. So well however, that is bothered her a great deal “Kevin and I became more a part of the household, familiar, accepted, accepting. That disturbed me too when I thought about it. How easily we seemed to acclimatize” (Butler, 97). Though
she still became a victim to the whip several times for disobedience she acclimatized to slavery well enough for her to be able to stay alive during her trips back to the past
Dana and Kevin managed to survive the past, but not without scars from the past. They both sublimely had a shift in identity from this experience. The horrors of the antebellum south left a permanent mark on them both it had become a part of their identity “there was no distance at all. When had I stopped acting? Why had I stopped?” (Butler, 220). The constant need to act to fit into the past had stopped being acting and become natural for Dana and Kevin. [Your conclusion will also need to focus on Dana, since she 's the one that you 've been discussing all throughout this essay.] They lived their roles by changing their identity through language, appearance, and mannerisms. That is how they survived the antebellum south without getting killed.
Bibliography
Butler, Octavia. Kindred. Beacon Press. Boston. 179-1988
Hua, Linh U. "Reproducing Time, Reproducing History: Love and Black Feminist Sentimentality in Octavia
Butler 's Kindred." African American Review 44.3 (2010): 393-396.
Robertson, Benjamin. "Some Matching Strangeness": Biology, Politics, and the Embrace of History in Octavia Butler 's" Kindred." Science Fiction Studies (2010): 369-371.
I 'm Benjamin, your tutor for this draft of your essay. I understand that you wanted some help with content and grammar, but there are other revisions you can make that will have a greater impact on your paper that we need to take care of first.
Essay Summary
This essay examines how issues of identity were influenced by language, appearance, and mannerisms in Kindred.
Strengths of the Essay
You have a great deal of discussion backed up by solid examples and evidence throughout your paper, Brianna. This makes your observations and claims very persuasive. Nice work.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion both give equal focus to Dana and Kevin, but the rest of your paper focuses on Dana almost exclusively. …show more content…
This leaves the reader confused about what your paper is actually about, and where all the discussion of Kevin is.
To fix this, you need to revise both your introduction and conclusion. You can acknowledge Kevin 's place, but make it clear that this paper is about identity as Dana experienced it. Here is one way that you can start revising your introduction to do this (your original text is black; my revisions are in blue):
This resulted in a change in Identity for both characters. In the case of Dana, playing her role Playing their roles in the Ante-bellum south leaves a permanent mark on her. both characters. Dana shifted her and Kevin’s shift in identity to be ______ because it was were necessary for survival. In order to fit into the antebellum south she they had to change her their use of language, appearance, and mannerisms.
Fill in the blank space with a more specific description of what her identity shifted into. What did it used to be, and what new identity was she forced to put on? As you revise, look over your conclusion and use my revisions above as a guide to narrow its focus to Dana also.
Organization
Your body paragraphs discuss multiple issues and examples in a great deal of depth, Brianna. This is a problem because your readers will have trouble distinguishing information on one issue from information on a different issue.
To fix this, you need to split up your body paragraphs to each approach one specific topic. For example, your second paragraph broadly covers use of language. However, within that very broad category you focus on two main issues: 1) tensions with antebellum whites because of her language and 2) the tensions that arose between Dana and other black people.
Split this paragraph into two paragraphs. Focus one on each issue. As you revise the rest of your paper, give each body paragraph this same treatment. Ask yourself:
What is the overall topic of this paragraph?
Are there two or more distinct, major issues, sub-topics, or themes discussed in depth within this one paragraph?
Use these questions as a guide in finding other places where you need to divide up your body paragraphs. Make sure to move any applicable information to the correct new paragraph.
Action Plan
1. Focus your introduction and conclusion primarily on Dana.
2. Split up any body paragraphs containing two or more distinct issues or topics.
3. Proofread and spell-check your revised draft to catch misspellings and other mistakes.
4. Consider submitting your revised draft to Pearson Tutor Services, bearing in mind your remaining submissions and your draft deadline.
Good luck in revising your paper and in your future writing, Brianna.
Brianna Boyd
Professor Walker
ENG-102H/05 SP13
4 April 2013
Identity Shift in Kindred by Octavia Butler
In the book Kindred by Octavia Butler Dana and Kevin must change the way they act and perceive the world in order to survive during the Ante-bellum south. Through the course of the book the reader slowly notices a change in both characters. Dana and Kevin not only begin to start acting the part, but there is also a change in the way they must begin to think. “We’re going to have to fit in as best we can with the people here for as long as we have to stay. That means we’re going to have to play the roles you gave us”. (Butler, 65) This resulted in a change in Identity for both characters. Playing their roles in the Ante-bellum south leaves a permanent mark on both characters. Dana and Kevin’s shift in identity were necessary for survival. In order to fit into the antebellum south they had to change their use of language, appearance, and mannerisms. [This is a clear, strong thesis statement that presents your main claim and supporting details. Well done!]
Dana’s use of language in the book gets her into a lot of trouble. She doesn’t know how to talk like a slave, she was accustomed to speaking like an educated woman educated because this was an advantage where she was from. The more educated you were in the 19th century the more likely you were to succeed in society. Her use of language however, deemed to have a negative effect on her during Ante-bellum south because everyone assumed that she was trying to talk like a white person. Nigel even asked her “why you try to talk like white folks” (Butler, 74). But in reality Dana was not trying to speak like a white person that was the way that she naturally spoke and despite her attempts she could not could not mock the slave dialect “I wasn’t good at accents. I had deliberately decided not to try to assume one. But if that meant I was going to be in trouble every time I opened my mouth, my life here would be even worse than I had imagined “(Butler, 74). The way she spoke caused a lot of the slaves, Marse Tom, and Miss Margaret to despise her. Marse Tom and Miss Margaret didn’t like the way Dana spoke because they knew educated niggers were a danger, they were also intimidated and embarrassed by the idea that a black person could read and write better than them “Wyelin doesn’t like the way you talk. I don’t think he’s had much education himself, and he resents you” (Butler, 80). Marse Tom also didn’t like her because he knew she could be a danger to the current slave population as well “He don’t want no niggers’ round here talking better than him, putting freedom ideas in our heads “(Butler, 74) explained Nigel. An educated black person in the south was a danger to the rest of the blacks, therefore no black could be educated “Education made blacks dissatisfied with slavery. It spoiled them for field work. The Methodist minister said it made them disobedient, made them want more than the lord intended them to have” (Butler, 236). [Here, you are moving from conflict with white people to conflict with black people. Start a new paragraph to signal this transition.] Dana also had trouble getting along with all the slaves as well because of the way that she spoke. They didn’t like that she spoke like a white person, it implied she was trying to be white “You always try to act so white. White nigger, turning against your own people!” (Butler, 165). They knew she was different, and anything foreign was dangerous to them because they didn’t know who to trust. During those times anyone could be a spy so they were skeptical on who to trust. Therefore, she wasn’t even accepted into the comfort of her own kind “I went into the cookhouse and the young man who had his mouth open to speak closed it quickly, looking at me with open hostility. The old man simply turned his back” (Butler 220). They figured since she spoke like a white person than she must be close to the white folks, so she couldn’t be trusted. “But the field hands... They just didn’t know me, didn’t know how loyal I might be to Rufus or Margaret, didn’t know what I might report” (Butler, 220). Therefore, through her own language she became subjected to ridicule by her own kind “Think you know so much. Reading-nigger. White-nigger” (Butler, 160). Though Dana tried to conceal her identity she could not manage to change her use and style of language, it made her stick out amongst the other slaves like a sore thumb. Her appearance also shaped her identity throughout the book as well.
From the first time Dana traveled back in time to save Rufus her appearance shaped her identity. When she traveled back in time to save Rufus from drowning she was wearing jeans which made his mother and father mistake her for a man “not with you dressed like that! She thought you were a man at first, just like I did – and like daddy did” (Butler, 29). This shows a change in the culture from the 19th century to the antebellum south. Where Dana was from it was quite common for women to wear jeans, it was not a masculine thing. Throughout her time in the past she continues to wear jeans as well, this is one form of identity she doesn’t conform to though it bothered the slaves to see her dressed like that “Alice held up a long blue dress. “This is for you” she said. “I’m sick of seeing you in them pants” I looked down at my jeans. “I’m so used to dressing like this, I forget sometimes” (Butler, 165). [This body paragraph seems to be about both the conflicts resulting from her appearance and Dana using a modified appearance for her own ends. Create two distinct paragraphs to give each idea enough attention.] In some ways, the way she dressed also concealed her identity, like when she had planned to run away from the Wyelin plantation “I had decided to become a boy. In the loose, shabby, but definitely male clothing I had chosen, my height and my contralto voice would get me by I hoped” (Butler, 170). Through the way she dressed she hoped to confuse people of her gender, she wanted to temporarily become a man. Her appearance also set her apart from the other slaves “the dress Alice had made me looked too much like the dresses every other slave woman on the place wore” (Butler, 170) . She purposely dressed this way to set herself apart from the other slave women, exemplifying her resistance to conform. Further examples in which Dana’s wardrobe changed her identity comes to light with her comparison in appearance to Alice’s mother. Dana and Alice’s mother and Alice looked so much alike, they could almost be twins, the only thing that made the two look different was the way Dana dressed “You look a little like Alice’s mother. If you wore a dress and tied your hair up, you’d look a lot like her” (Butler, 28). She was almost nearly mistaken for her twin when, a patroller came to harass Alice’s mother as well, but her clothes proved otherwise “You could be her sister, her twin sister, almost … Her sister dressed up like a boy! ‘’ (Butler, 28). The only thing that did keep Dana safe during this time period was her ability to learn and adapt to the slave mannerisms. During this time period one of the most important factors to shape her identity, and keep her safe as a slave was Dana’s mannerisms, she had to learn to act like a slave or she wouldn’t have survived.
[All this focus on Dana should be reflected in your introduction and conclusion. Otherwise, your reader will be distracted by continually wondering when you are going to discuss Kevin in similar depth.] She had to learn how to be obedient, submissive, and take orders from others effortlessly which is not what she was used to in the 19th century. If she hadn’t adapted to the mannerisms of a slave she would be seen as a threat to the white people and this would have put her life in danger. “Rufus’s time demanded things of me that had never been demanded before it could easily kill me if I did not meet its demands “ ( Butler, 191) Even the slightest form of disrespect could get her in trouble “At first I stared back. Then I looked away, remembering that I was supposed to be a slave. Slaves lowered their eyes respectfully. To stare back was insolent” (Butler, 66). It had happened to many slaves “Once I was called over to the slaves cabins – the quarter – to watch Wyelin punish a field hand for the crime of answering back” (Butler, 92). Some advice Luke gave to Nigel was “Don’t argue with white folks, “He had said. “Don’t tell them ‘no’. Don’t let them see you mad. Just say ‘Yes sir’.” (Butler, 96). Even the way that she addressed white people had to change “No doubt I was supposed to give him some title of respect. But “Master”? “You have to say it, “he insisted.”Or ‘Young Master’ or… or Mister’... “You’ll get in trouble if you don’t, if daddy hears you. (Butler, 30) Dana had to completely change as a person, and she did so very well. So well however, that is bothered her a great deal “Kevin and I became more a part of the household, familiar, accepted, accepting. That disturbed me too when I thought about it. How easily we seemed to acclimatize” (Butler, 97). Though
she still became a victim to the whip several times for disobedience she acclimatized to slavery well enough for her to be able to stay alive during her trips back to the past
Dana and Kevin managed to survive the past, but not without scars from the past. They both sublimely had a shift in identity from this experience. The horrors of the antebellum south left a permanent mark on them both it had become a part of their identity “there was no distance at all. When had I stopped acting? Why had I stopped?” (Butler, 220). The constant need to act to fit into the past had stopped being acting and become natural for Dana and Kevin. [Your conclusion will also need to focus on Dana, since she 's the one that you 've been discussing all throughout this essay.] They lived their roles by changing their identity through language, appearance, and mannerisms. That is how they survived the antebellum south without getting killed.
Bibliography
Butler, Octavia. Kindred. Beacon Press. Boston. 179-1988
Hua, Linh U. "Reproducing Time, Reproducing History: Love and Black Feminist Sentimentality in Octavia
Butler 's Kindred." African American Review 44.3 (2010): 393-396.
Robertson, Benjamin. "Some Matching Strangeness": Biology, Politics, and the Embrace of History in Octavia Butler 's" Kindred." Science Fiction Studies (2010): 369-371.