Epilogue: Am I Doing This For Me?

Epilogue/prologue

Am I doing this for me?

Strange way to start out my story. However it will make more sense later as my life unfolds.

I'm in my forties and I tell you from thirties to forties the transition has been like trying to fly a kite on a day

with no wind. Seriously the experience has been awful and if you haven't reached this time in your life yet.

The struggle is real.

I've seen a lot and I had no idea when I was younger my life was getting shorter by each passing day.

Seriously when your in your twenties you think you have all the time and my thirties well they disappeared

so quickly I feel like I must have bumped my head. Fast forward I'm here thinking what the crazy crap am I

doing in my forties. I'm not being dramatic.
Snow drifts taller than myself. I complain about the long winters

and short summers. I frequently ask myself why do I live in this state? I quickly remember why and tell

myself It has beautiful landscapes home to the Black Hills for an artist's canvas and is a hunters dream. Not

much for the beach, sea shell collector, I believe myself to be but, this is where I am.

I look back on my life like the way a person who doesn't read. Wow, so many pages do I have to read them

all. In my case did I really live them all? People and places have become extinct like dinosaurs. You wonder

were they ever really here? I think about the past more than the future. I'm always afraid I'm going to forget

some great memory, a face, a smell, a touch maybe even a kiss. My many pages which became chapters

have now become a book. Possibly this book.

Who is she? I don't know but when she smiles it's contagious. I call her sunshine.

Direct quotes about me by others. I've been called sunshine by many people throughout my life.

Cotton Candy Clouds

Chapter 1

Sweet Bliss I had finally met the one. I was 22 years young. I had a world of choices and was a travel
I don't always share well. I love them like my own. Though deep inside there is

always that fear I'll lose them and we nearly have a few times. We have physical custody of Morgan and

have since a month before the wedding. She made a beautiful flower girl. She is a character. Her smile and

giggle make me feel whole. She's in gymnastics and is doing really well. I think it will help her with her

confidence and coordination and I truly love the sport. It was my sport when I was younger. It's funny how

we push our will even if we don't recognize it. Many things have changed. We built a house and have moved

in. It’s much bigger. The problems are even bigger. Building the house was torture for all of us. Moving out

of our first house was like losing a friend. It wasn’t very easy we had so many wonderful memories in that

house. Life changes so fast. Not sure why we kept pushing and rushing it. We have worked through so

many obstacles and challenges. It’s seems like we have had to fight to be happy. We somehow got through

it all. We had some really dark days but, together we were pretty solid. Nothing prepared me,us for what was

yet to come. You can’t patch shattered glass and super glue won't hold