Jean Vanier Forgiveness Chapter Summary

Jean Vanier has done a beautiful job with this book in describing how forgiveness works. In chapter five, he gives us principles, steps, and characteristics that will help us reach forgiveness. Vanier states “Forgiveness is the process of removing barriers; it is the process by which we start to accept and to love those who have hurt us.” (Pg. 136). In other words, you don’t seek revenge but to accept and love the person who has hurt you. Hurt, can involve a person physically hurting you or you speaking bad about a person who has spoken in a bad way about you. Vanier, also states that there are two types of guilt the psychological; which is caused by other people and the moral guilt; caused by ourselves. Vanier, also states “To forgive is to
offer this love that liberates people from the powers of moral and psychological guilt.” (Pg. 139). Vanier is telling us how love will help forgiveness flourish.
Vanier gives us three principles towards forgiveness. His first principle states “there can be no forgiveness of ourselves or of others unless we believe that we are all part of common humanity” (Pg.153). In other words, no individual and no group is superior to others. The second principle states “to forgive means to believe that each of us can evolve and change, that human redemption is possible” (Pg. 153). People can change even though it seems impossible, people can change and forgive. The third principle states “to forgive means to yearn for unity and peace” (Pg. 154). People should distant themselves from entering conflict and rather create peace. Vanier also gives us five steps that lead to forgiveness. The first step is “The refusal to seek revenge” (Pg. 155), just leave it as it is and forgive. The second step is “genuine, heartfelt hope that the oppressor be liberated” (Pg. 155). The third step is “The desire to understand the oppressor” (Pg. 155), to understand their way of thinking or what is going through their minds. The fourth step is “The recognition of our own darkness” (Pg. 155). Lastly, Vanier states “is patience” (Pg. 155) we should all have patience with each
other. While reading Vanier’s steps I came to realize that even though they seem too easy to follow it is hard to actually commit to them. These steps are what I went through when my three-year relationship ended. At first, I wished my boyfriend the worst because I was hurt. I wanted revenge and why you ask? Because I was just so mad that we had stopped trying and something so beautiful could end so easily. After a couple of weeks, I understood that it was for the best, because this relationship wasn’t going to be a healthy one. As of now I just wish the best for him and for him to be happy because everyone deserves happiness.