Kübler-Ross Five Stages Of Grief Essay
The Five Stages of Grief Across Cultures
Every culture experiences grief and has certain practices for mourning. Mourning is a series of behaviors following the individual’s terminal illness diagnosis, the death of a loved one, human or animal (Axelrod, 2016). Every culture expresses the different stages of grief in different ways. Even within the culture there can be varying levels of discipline that change the way the community grieves. Though, Kübler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief sound simple and defines stages that everyone will go through, this was not her intention. The truth is that emotions are messy, everyone has their own life experiences, cultures, thoughts and can express the five stages in different order or only some of the stages (Friedman & James, 2008). This essay will discuss Dr. Kübler-Ross’ theory with perspective of the Mexican American culture, the Hindu way …show more content…
of life, and how these two cultures beliefs and rituals relate to the stages of grief.
When discussing Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ theory, The Five Stage of Grief, the mind immediately thinks of the person losing a loved one, not the actual individual losing their own life. Küber-Ross’ theory was based on her experience with seriously-ill patients and the lack of care that doctors can give those patients (O'Rourke, 2010). Though it can apply to both the individual’s loss of life and the loss of a loved one. She was a renegade among the medical field that banished the discussion as death as a possible outcome for patients (O'Rourke, 2010). The
Five Stages according to Kübler-Ross’ theory are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Friedman & James, 2008). Each stage requires a brief description and can be experienced is any order (Friedman & James, 2008). The first stage, denial, at first one might think that the illness is not real or that it is not really happening to them; this is a normal reaction to the overwhelming rush of emotions that come along with tragic news (Axelrod, 2016). This stage is maybe better understood as a feeling of disbelief, not the action of denial according to the study completed, Yale Bereavement Study (Friedman & James, 2008). The second stage is anger, can be aimed at the loved one dying for possibly not taking better care of themselves or at the health professionals for not being able to more. This is typically followed by feelings of guilt for feeling angry at the loved one (Axelrod, 2016). The anger toward the dying could also be for the added cost and stress of planning a funeral (Axelrod, 2016). The third stage is bargaining, this is when the individual or family members may look to a higher power and plead for a better outcome promising to do things differently (Axelrod, 2016). The fourth stage, depression, is filled with feelings of sadness and regret (Axelrod, 2016). This stage is not to be confused with clinical depression even though there can be similar symptoms during this period of grief (Friedman & James, 2008). The final stage is acceptance, reaching this stage is a gift. This stage is when the individual and family have accepted dying, perhaps the family can take comfort knowing the passing loved one will be accepted into a better place, such as, Heaven (Axelrod, 2016).
The Mexican American culture is growing larger in the United States and have a very strong sense of their culture (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). Death plays prevalent role in the Mexican culture, believing that death is not the end, but the way of entering into a new way of life (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). A prominent part of losing a loved one is familismo, the importance of multiple generations staying connected (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). While a loved one is dying, many times family members will perform a rotating vigil at the bedside of the dying loved one (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). This practice will fall into several of the stages of grief, denial, several family members wish to see the dying to believe it, depression, giving them the bedside to cry and even bargaining, seeing the loved one suffering and praying to God to have a better outcome or to take them in a peaceful manner. When the Loved one passes, most Mexican American have strong Catholic values, so a Catholic funeral is planned with a wake and mass. This is never considered a burden on the family. Therefore, the family is not experiencing the anger stage regarding the funeral planning and cost. They feel it is the right thing to do for the family, even if the younger generation of the family has adopted less traditional values than the older generation loved ones passing (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006).
After the religious ceremony, the body is buried, close to the family.
For example, if the immediate family immigrated to America, and the body would be buried in Mexico, the family would then have to move back to Mexico (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). This is critical for the celebration of Day of the Dead. This is when friends and family reminisce, light candles, eat the deceased favorite foods and visit the cemetery (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). This is practiced in hopes of attracting the spirits of the deceased, sometimes a strongly scented marigold called zempasuchil is used (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). Day of the Dead can help families still in the depression stage trying to achieve acceptance and those who wish to celebrate their acceptance. In the Mexican American culture when a loved one passes, the family takes part in a ritual called, novenario, which involves getting together each day for nine days beginning the day after the body is buried. While together they pray with the rosary, enjoy light refreshments and provide supportive conversation (Doran & Downing Hansen,
2006).
A lot of Mexican American families, specifically mothers, create a memorial or a shrine of the deceased if it is a child that has passed. This can be a photo in a prominent part of the home surrounded by religious pictures and symbols or a doll dressed in the deceased child’s clothing (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). For a mother, it is a very difficult thing to fully accept that their child has passed, but the Mexican American culture has several rituals that offer a large community of support. Also, the mother could take comfort that dying children have the most intelligence and spiritual clarity (Kramer, 2004).
Hinduism is a way of life that puts great importance on preparing for death. This way of life teaches their people to have the highest spiritual intelligence, which allows them to not fear death (Kramer, 2004). For them, death is nothing to fear, because this life is simply the passing from one life to the next (Firth, 2005). In a way, most Hindus have accepted death before even coming near it. The next life will be reincarnation to another living being, including animals, life in heaven with God or absorption into Braham, the ultimate reality (Firth, 2005). Karma, which is explained as the law immoral acts or thoughts have consequences that will be repaid in the next life (Firth, 2005). If a person has good karma, then they will receive a good rebirth while bad karma will lead to the opposite (Firth, 2005).
A bad death, akal mrtyu, is an untimely death, violent with bodily fluids present (Firth, 2005). Suicide for selfish reasons is considered the worst death and the souls will haunt the family causing bad luck, nightmares and infertility (Firth, 2005). Due to this, the family will have certain rituals to perform for the next seven generations (Firth, 2005). When a bad death takes place, families may get stuck in the denial stage of grief, not that they are denying their loved one is gone, but denying that is was a bad death. This may also cause the grieving family to spend more time in the anger and bargaining stage, now knowing they will have to pay for the bad karma of their deceased. There is acceptable suicide, for religious purposes, when a person is considered terminal they can choose starvation which is considered to be self-willed and for the purpose of obtaining freedom at the sacrifice of the physical body (Firth, 2005). A good death, or su-mrtyu, is considered to happen at old age, in the proper astrological time and Gange water to be used (Firth, 2005). A small container is always kept in the home and placed on the person’s lips before and after passing (Firth, 2005). When someone is nearing death, they are moved to their home so these proper rituals can take place (Firth, 2005). Garuda purana, is a celebration that takes place both before and after passing (Firth, 2005). A Brahmin priest may be present to lead the family in hymns and chants to ensure that the dying person is solely focused on God while passing (Firth, 2005). Before death any unfinished business must be taken care of, resolving conflict and arranging weddings for any unwed daughters (Firth, 2005). When unfinished business is complete the person will enter death willingly (Firth, 2005).
Hindus believe that cremation of the body allows for the soul to quickly detach from the physical body. After cremation takes place, the souls travel through a series of temporary Hells and possibly Heavens. The length and severity of this depends on the family’s offerings given. They must create a new body too perfect for the world, an ethereal body during the first ten days. Then, on the 12th day, symbolizing 12 months, the deceased will become an ancestor, or pitr, in a powerful ritual called sappinikarna. The family lives a very strict life during this time period after cremation (Firth, 2005). This purifying period is the acceptance period, they do all they can to ensure that their loved one moves onto a better place.
Regardless of what way of life, religion or culture someone belongs to, it is apparent that it is best to go through it with a large community of family and friends. It seems that both the Mexican American and the Hindu culture participate in rituals that all cause people coming together before during and after the passing of loved ones. When people with high emotional intelligence that are going through the five stages of grief, will see that grieving is a gift, anger is a gift and that time has the ability to heal all wounds (Kramer, 2004). Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identifying and sharing her Five Stages of Grief, brought light to a very dark subject surrounding death and dying.
Every culture experiences grief and has certain practices for mourning. Mourning is a series of behaviors following the individual’s terminal illness diagnosis, the death of a loved one, human or animal (Axelrod, 2016). Every culture expresses the different stages of grief in different ways. Even within the culture there can be varying levels of discipline that change the way the community grieves. Though, Kübler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief sound simple and defines stages that everyone will go through, this was not her intention. The truth is that emotions are messy, everyone has their own life experiences, cultures, thoughts and can express the five stages in different order or only some of the stages (Friedman & James, 2008). This essay will discuss Dr. Kübler-Ross’ theory with perspective of the Mexican American culture, the Hindu way …show more content…
of life, and how these two cultures beliefs and rituals relate to the stages of grief.
When discussing Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ theory, The Five Stage of Grief, the mind immediately thinks of the person losing a loved one, not the actual individual losing their own life. Küber-Ross’ theory was based on her experience with seriously-ill patients and the lack of care that doctors can give those patients (O'Rourke, 2010). Though it can apply to both the individual’s loss of life and the loss of a loved one. She was a renegade among the medical field that banished the discussion as death as a possible outcome for patients (O'Rourke, 2010). The
Five Stages according to Kübler-Ross’ theory are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Friedman & James, 2008). Each stage requires a brief description and can be experienced is any order (Friedman & James, 2008). The first stage, denial, at first one might think that the illness is not real or that it is not really happening to them; this is a normal reaction to the overwhelming rush of emotions that come along with tragic news (Axelrod, 2016). This stage is maybe better understood as a feeling of disbelief, not the action of denial according to the study completed, Yale Bereavement Study (Friedman & James, 2008). The second stage is anger, can be aimed at the loved one dying for possibly not taking better care of themselves or at the health professionals for not being able to more. This is typically followed by feelings of guilt for feeling angry at the loved one (Axelrod, 2016). The anger toward the dying could also be for the added cost and stress of planning a funeral (Axelrod, 2016). The third stage is bargaining, this is when the individual or family members may look to a higher power and plead for a better outcome promising to do things differently (Axelrod, 2016). The fourth stage, depression, is filled with feelings of sadness and regret (Axelrod, 2016). This stage is not to be confused with clinical depression even though there can be similar symptoms during this period of grief (Friedman & James, 2008). The final stage is acceptance, reaching this stage is a gift. This stage is when the individual and family have accepted dying, perhaps the family can take comfort knowing the passing loved one will be accepted into a better place, such as, Heaven (Axelrod, 2016).
The Mexican American culture is growing larger in the United States and have a very strong sense of their culture (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). Death plays prevalent role in the Mexican culture, believing that death is not the end, but the way of entering into a new way of life (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). A prominent part of losing a loved one is familismo, the importance of multiple generations staying connected (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). While a loved one is dying, many times family members will perform a rotating vigil at the bedside of the dying loved one (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). This practice will fall into several of the stages of grief, denial, several family members wish to see the dying to believe it, depression, giving them the bedside to cry and even bargaining, seeing the loved one suffering and praying to God to have a better outcome or to take them in a peaceful manner. When the Loved one passes, most Mexican American have strong Catholic values, so a Catholic funeral is planned with a wake and mass. This is never considered a burden on the family. Therefore, the family is not experiencing the anger stage regarding the funeral planning and cost. They feel it is the right thing to do for the family, even if the younger generation of the family has adopted less traditional values than the older generation loved ones passing (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006).
After the religious ceremony, the body is buried, close to the family.
For example, if the immediate family immigrated to America, and the body would be buried in Mexico, the family would then have to move back to Mexico (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). This is critical for the celebration of Day of the Dead. This is when friends and family reminisce, light candles, eat the deceased favorite foods and visit the cemetery (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). This is practiced in hopes of attracting the spirits of the deceased, sometimes a strongly scented marigold called zempasuchil is used (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). Day of the Dead can help families still in the depression stage trying to achieve acceptance and those who wish to celebrate their acceptance. In the Mexican American culture when a loved one passes, the family takes part in a ritual called, novenario, which involves getting together each day for nine days beginning the day after the body is buried. While together they pray with the rosary, enjoy light refreshments and provide supportive conversation (Doran & Downing Hansen,
2006).
A lot of Mexican American families, specifically mothers, create a memorial or a shrine of the deceased if it is a child that has passed. This can be a photo in a prominent part of the home surrounded by religious pictures and symbols or a doll dressed in the deceased child’s clothing (Doran & Downing Hansen, 2006). For a mother, it is a very difficult thing to fully accept that their child has passed, but the Mexican American culture has several rituals that offer a large community of support. Also, the mother could take comfort that dying children have the most intelligence and spiritual clarity (Kramer, 2004).
Hinduism is a way of life that puts great importance on preparing for death. This way of life teaches their people to have the highest spiritual intelligence, which allows them to not fear death (Kramer, 2004). For them, death is nothing to fear, because this life is simply the passing from one life to the next (Firth, 2005). In a way, most Hindus have accepted death before even coming near it. The next life will be reincarnation to another living being, including animals, life in heaven with God or absorption into Braham, the ultimate reality (Firth, 2005). Karma, which is explained as the law immoral acts or thoughts have consequences that will be repaid in the next life (Firth, 2005). If a person has good karma, then they will receive a good rebirth while bad karma will lead to the opposite (Firth, 2005).
A bad death, akal mrtyu, is an untimely death, violent with bodily fluids present (Firth, 2005). Suicide for selfish reasons is considered the worst death and the souls will haunt the family causing bad luck, nightmares and infertility (Firth, 2005). Due to this, the family will have certain rituals to perform for the next seven generations (Firth, 2005). When a bad death takes place, families may get stuck in the denial stage of grief, not that they are denying their loved one is gone, but denying that is was a bad death. This may also cause the grieving family to spend more time in the anger and bargaining stage, now knowing they will have to pay for the bad karma of their deceased. There is acceptable suicide, for religious purposes, when a person is considered terminal they can choose starvation which is considered to be self-willed and for the purpose of obtaining freedom at the sacrifice of the physical body (Firth, 2005). A good death, or su-mrtyu, is considered to happen at old age, in the proper astrological time and Gange water to be used (Firth, 2005). A small container is always kept in the home and placed on the person’s lips before and after passing (Firth, 2005). When someone is nearing death, they are moved to their home so these proper rituals can take place (Firth, 2005). Garuda purana, is a celebration that takes place both before and after passing (Firth, 2005). A Brahmin priest may be present to lead the family in hymns and chants to ensure that the dying person is solely focused on God while passing (Firth, 2005). Before death any unfinished business must be taken care of, resolving conflict and arranging weddings for any unwed daughters (Firth, 2005). When unfinished business is complete the person will enter death willingly (Firth, 2005).
Hindus believe that cremation of the body allows for the soul to quickly detach from the physical body. After cremation takes place, the souls travel through a series of temporary Hells and possibly Heavens. The length and severity of this depends on the family’s offerings given. They must create a new body too perfect for the world, an ethereal body during the first ten days. Then, on the 12th day, symbolizing 12 months, the deceased will become an ancestor, or pitr, in a powerful ritual called sappinikarna. The family lives a very strict life during this time period after cremation (Firth, 2005). This purifying period is the acceptance period, they do all they can to ensure that their loved one moves onto a better place.
Regardless of what way of life, religion or culture someone belongs to, it is apparent that it is best to go through it with a large community of family and friends. It seems that both the Mexican American and the Hindu culture participate in rituals that all cause people coming together before during and after the passing of loved ones. When people with high emotional intelligence that are going through the five stages of grief, will see that grieving is a gift, anger is a gift and that time has the ability to heal all wounds (Kramer, 2004). Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identifying and sharing her Five Stages of Grief, brought light to a very dark subject surrounding death and dying.