The Kubler-Ross Model: The Five Stages Of Healthy Grief
Charandra V. Smith
Grand Canyon University: HLT-310V
11/16/14
Healthy Grief
Grief is a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion felt by an individual when faced with a loss of a loved one or a personal loss, such as their health, job, or a relationship. Grief is the nature reaction to loss. Both a universal and personal experience (Mayo Clinic, 2014). Ever individual will have a different experience with grief influenced by the nature of their loss. At some point in life everyone will have a time of grieving. How the individual copes with their grief can vary, as no two people grieve in the same manner. This paper will discuss the comparisons and contrasting views as defined in the Kubler-Ross model, the five stages of grief, the story of Job in the Bible, and Buddhism regarding grief, as well as the writers preferred method of dealing with grief. In the Kubler-Ross model of grief; the five stages in the model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Grand Canyon University, …show more content…
2011). In the denial stage the individual becomes aware of a loss and may not believe the loss has actually taken place or that it may not be as bad as reported. Anger then becomes the prevailing emotion after the individual understands their loss is real. Once pass anger the individual starts to bargain with God and or themselves to change their ways for a chance to alter their reality. When apparent bargaining will not change the situation depression begins. The individual feels hopeless as if they cannot get pass the overwhelming pain. In time once the individual has experienced the four pervious stages, a sense of peace comes, and it is then the individual realizes they have accepted their loss (Grand Canyon University, 2011).
Job was a very rich man in the Bible who faced grief, but believed and worshiped the Lord. Job was described as a good man who suffered the tremendous loss of his wealth, his children, and his health. His loss was brought on after Satan talked with God, stating he believed Job only served God because of his blessings. As a test of Job’s faith God allowed Satan to test Job. In contrast to the first stage of grief which is denial, Job tore his clothes, shaved his head, knelt down and worshiped God. A stark difference than what would be expected based on the Kubler-Ross model. Job did not stop servicing God due to his loss or show signs of anger, the second stage of grief. Job stated “The Lord alone gives and takes. Praise the name of the Lord” (Job1:21 Contemporary English Version (CEV)). Also in verse twenty-one Job stated “we bring nothing at birth; we take nothing with us at death” (Job 1:21 CEV). According to the Kubler-Ross model this is where you might expect Job to start bargaining with God to restore his wealth and all the other losses, however he did not. He stayed faithful and continued to praise the name of God. In comparison, Job did suffer depression; the fourth stage in the model. Job did not curse God but he did curse the day he was born (Job 3:1-6 CEV). Job in the fifth stage acceptance, prayed for his friends, never stopped serving God, and was blessed by God. “The Lord made Job twice as rich as he had been before” (Job 42:10 CEV).
For Buddhists; the most important stage of the Kubler-Ross model would be acceptance. For instance, when a loved one dies, the way of dealing with feelings of grief in a positive manner is acknowledging that death is an inevitable part of life. In an interview with a Tibetan Buddhist monk; he stated that the first condolence or advice offered to a person who has experienced a loss is that all of us have to die (Newkirk, 1999). The monk stated showing external grief during or right after a loved one’s passing can affect the deceased person’s feeling’s of attachment and cause them suffering in the afterlife (Newkirk, 1999). Seeing family and friends crying and grieving a loss may also cause a less fortunate rebirth for the deceased loved one, due to the feelings of attachment and increased suffering. Acknowledging a deceased person’s life in a positive manner, free of the negative effects of attachment is a way of accepting the loss without causing unnecessary suffering for the living or dead. The monk goes on to state that is it not the circumstances of a person’s death, but how they lived their life; a good being will surely have a fortunate rebirth (Newkirk, 1999). This means that the healthiest way to deal with grief of a loved one is through acceptance, which is the most positive outcome.
Joy and grief can coexist. In the midst of grieving one can have a joyful memory of a loss loved one or relationship. At a funeral service for example, something could be said causing those that can relate to it to smile. This does not mean they are not grieving. There is room to carry sorrow and joy together (Berns, 2012). After a loss grieving continues for an unspecified time. In that time people develop skills to carry their complicated emotions (Berns, 2012). The Kubler-Ross model’s five distinct stages each have a place for joy and grief. In the early stages the individual experiences grief; believing the loss of a love one (denial), dealing with the loss (anger, bargaining, and depression); however the last stage is acceptance. At this stage the individual is grieving less, and is able to share in the memories of their lost loved one, bringing them joy.
Grief is unique to the individual and the situation surrounding their grief.
In six years I lost my aunt, godson, and best friend. How I grieved in each case was very different. The Kubler-Ross model offers that grief has a starting point with denial and ending point with acceptance. I personally agree with the stages, but disagree with the notion that grief is in a set order. I was able to accept my aunt dying but found it difficult to accept the deaths of my godson and best friend. Having researched the Kubler-Ross model I believe to achieve healthy grieving one must experience each stage of grief. My personal view of grief and how I choose to grieve have not changed. I strongly believe in being aware of my grief and working through the emotions. Whether by quite reflection or a good cry, I do not hide from my emotions. I have sought the advice of a counselor and feel comfortable doing so in the future to regain a healthy mind, body, and spiritual
balance.
In conclusion, the Kubler-Ross model shows how the five stages of grief play a significant role in the grieving process. Each stage is not always experienced by a grieving individual, as in Job’s story, or not recognized in the Buddhists case. In my opinion grief is personal and individualized. Grief must be acknowledged and worked through. Healthy grief is being aware of your sorrow, working toward acceptance, and in time the joy of loving memories.
References
Berns, N. (2012). We can carry grief and joy together. Psychology Today. Retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com Grand Canyon University, (2011).Understanding and overcoming grief. Lecture Notes.
Retrieved from www. Lc-ugrad1.gcu.edu
Mayo Clinic. (2014). support and bereavement groups. Retrieved from www.mayoclinic.org
Workman-Newkirk, A. (1999). Grief and Tibetan Buddhism. Retrieved from www.indiana.edu
Grand Canyon University: HLT-310V
11/16/14
Healthy Grief
Grief is a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion felt by an individual when faced with a loss of a loved one or a personal loss, such as their health, job, or a relationship. Grief is the nature reaction to loss. Both a universal and personal experience (Mayo Clinic, 2014). Ever individual will have a different experience with grief influenced by the nature of their loss. At some point in life everyone will have a time of grieving. How the individual copes with their grief can vary, as no two people grieve in the same manner. This paper will discuss the comparisons and contrasting views as defined in the Kubler-Ross model, the five stages of grief, the story of Job in the Bible, and Buddhism regarding grief, as well as the writers preferred method of dealing with grief. In the Kubler-Ross model of grief; the five stages in the model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (Grand Canyon University, …show more content…
2011). In the denial stage the individual becomes aware of a loss and may not believe the loss has actually taken place or that it may not be as bad as reported. Anger then becomes the prevailing emotion after the individual understands their loss is real. Once pass anger the individual starts to bargain with God and or themselves to change their ways for a chance to alter their reality. When apparent bargaining will not change the situation depression begins. The individual feels hopeless as if they cannot get pass the overwhelming pain. In time once the individual has experienced the four pervious stages, a sense of peace comes, and it is then the individual realizes they have accepted their loss (Grand Canyon University, 2011).
Job was a very rich man in the Bible who faced grief, but believed and worshiped the Lord. Job was described as a good man who suffered the tremendous loss of his wealth, his children, and his health. His loss was brought on after Satan talked with God, stating he believed Job only served God because of his blessings. As a test of Job’s faith God allowed Satan to test Job. In contrast to the first stage of grief which is denial, Job tore his clothes, shaved his head, knelt down and worshiped God. A stark difference than what would be expected based on the Kubler-Ross model. Job did not stop servicing God due to his loss or show signs of anger, the second stage of grief. Job stated “The Lord alone gives and takes. Praise the name of the Lord” (Job1:21 Contemporary English Version (CEV)). Also in verse twenty-one Job stated “we bring nothing at birth; we take nothing with us at death” (Job 1:21 CEV). According to the Kubler-Ross model this is where you might expect Job to start bargaining with God to restore his wealth and all the other losses, however he did not. He stayed faithful and continued to praise the name of God. In comparison, Job did suffer depression; the fourth stage in the model. Job did not curse God but he did curse the day he was born (Job 3:1-6 CEV). Job in the fifth stage acceptance, prayed for his friends, never stopped serving God, and was blessed by God. “The Lord made Job twice as rich as he had been before” (Job 42:10 CEV).
For Buddhists; the most important stage of the Kubler-Ross model would be acceptance. For instance, when a loved one dies, the way of dealing with feelings of grief in a positive manner is acknowledging that death is an inevitable part of life. In an interview with a Tibetan Buddhist monk; he stated that the first condolence or advice offered to a person who has experienced a loss is that all of us have to die (Newkirk, 1999). The monk stated showing external grief during or right after a loved one’s passing can affect the deceased person’s feeling’s of attachment and cause them suffering in the afterlife (Newkirk, 1999). Seeing family and friends crying and grieving a loss may also cause a less fortunate rebirth for the deceased loved one, due to the feelings of attachment and increased suffering. Acknowledging a deceased person’s life in a positive manner, free of the negative effects of attachment is a way of accepting the loss without causing unnecessary suffering for the living or dead. The monk goes on to state that is it not the circumstances of a person’s death, but how they lived their life; a good being will surely have a fortunate rebirth (Newkirk, 1999). This means that the healthiest way to deal with grief of a loved one is through acceptance, which is the most positive outcome.
Joy and grief can coexist. In the midst of grieving one can have a joyful memory of a loss loved one or relationship. At a funeral service for example, something could be said causing those that can relate to it to smile. This does not mean they are not grieving. There is room to carry sorrow and joy together (Berns, 2012). After a loss grieving continues for an unspecified time. In that time people develop skills to carry their complicated emotions (Berns, 2012). The Kubler-Ross model’s five distinct stages each have a place for joy and grief. In the early stages the individual experiences grief; believing the loss of a love one (denial), dealing with the loss (anger, bargaining, and depression); however the last stage is acceptance. At this stage the individual is grieving less, and is able to share in the memories of their lost loved one, bringing them joy.
Grief is unique to the individual and the situation surrounding their grief.
In six years I lost my aunt, godson, and best friend. How I grieved in each case was very different. The Kubler-Ross model offers that grief has a starting point with denial and ending point with acceptance. I personally agree with the stages, but disagree with the notion that grief is in a set order. I was able to accept my aunt dying but found it difficult to accept the deaths of my godson and best friend. Having researched the Kubler-Ross model I believe to achieve healthy grieving one must experience each stage of grief. My personal view of grief and how I choose to grieve have not changed. I strongly believe in being aware of my grief and working through the emotions. Whether by quite reflection or a good cry, I do not hide from my emotions. I have sought the advice of a counselor and feel comfortable doing so in the future to regain a healthy mind, body, and spiritual
balance.
In conclusion, the Kubler-Ross model shows how the five stages of grief play a significant role in the grieving process. Each stage is not always experienced by a grieving individual, as in Job’s story, or not recognized in the Buddhists case. In my opinion grief is personal and individualized. Grief must be acknowledged and worked through. Healthy grief is being aware of your sorrow, working toward acceptance, and in time the joy of loving memories.
References
Berns, N. (2012). We can carry grief and joy together. Psychology Today. Retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com Grand Canyon University, (2011).Understanding and overcoming grief. Lecture Notes.
Retrieved from www. Lc-ugrad1.gcu.edu
Mayo Clinic. (2014). support and bereavement groups. Retrieved from www.mayoclinic.org
Workman-Newkirk, A. (1999). Grief and Tibetan Buddhism. Retrieved from www.indiana.edu