Lupus Monologue

“You have Lupus,” my Rheumatologist said.
I left the doctor’s office heartbroken by the idea of knowing that this revelation of this disease would keep me from swimming in upcoming competitions. Being diagnosed with Lupus meant I would never be able to swim ever again due to extreme photosensitivity that could lead to rashes and internal organ damage.
I was always known as the girl that would swim so frequently that everyone joked that my personal perfume was chlorine. Swimming was the one thing that I was naturally good at and I always assumed that my future would be swimming in college. In fact, I honestly thought that swimming would get me into college because right before I entered high school I found myself struggling in school.
“You have Lupus,” he said.
I was going to have to change my life completely.
I was going to have to fight for my life. There was no way I could give my life to Lupus and let it have me. So the fight began with me stepping down from my roles on the swimming team. I was going to have to discover who I was without swimming. With all the medications and pain that I had to deal with, I found being around friend’s that couldn’t feel the pain was uncomfortable. I hated the overwhelming amounts of sympathy that I faced and I just wanted everyone’s focus of who I was to be anything but the girl that had lupus and could no longer swim anymore.
The moment I knew what my life was going to entail came to like a pile of bricks. I was waiting to see the hematologist and a young child that appeared to have cancer sat in front of me. I remember sitting there and thinking about how much I thought my life sucked. I was so self absorbed into my thoughts of ignorance about my situation until the boy’s mother sat beside
him.
“Your going to have to be admitted into the hospital. The results aren’t looking to well,” sadly said the mother.
I remember thinking how hard it must have been to watch your son die from a terminal illness. To watch someone you love feel pain and lose the ability to live life to the fullest must be the most horrifying situation. They both entered the back of the office and eventually the young boy and I ended up sitting next to each other as we waited to get our vital signs checked. Then the moment came when I finally understood why I was diagnosed with Lupus. “ I don’t know whats wrong with you but I hope you get the chance to make a difference before its to late,” said the young boy.
His voice still echos into my mind and I remember how stunned I was to hear him says this. The rest of my visit in the hospital I spent analyzing and rethinking everything he said. As time goes on I realize that everything happens for a reason. Although I have to face struggles every day, I know there are others who can’t. So now I take pride in being diagnosed with Lupus. I often find myself participating in Lupus Walks to raise money for this mysterious disease and enjoy people asking for more understanding about what people who have Lupus must face. I enjoy having Lupus because instead of being known for the girl who has Lupus, I am known as the girl that proudly shares her story of having Lupus to the public for others to hear.