Managing Emotions

There are various methods parties can use to deal with emotions so that they have a constructive effect on conflict, rather than a destructive one. Anger management strategies are probably the ones most widely discussed in negotiation and mediation texts. These tactics include relaxation techniques, cognitive restructuring exercises, and communication and listening techniques. These tactics are supposed to give disputants a way to express their angry feelings without being destructive or causing more hurt feelings. One way for disputants to express their feelings in a non-confrontational way is through "I-messages." Theorists note that people "who express anger constructively may provide listeners with a rapid, exact and comprehensive description of their grievances and needs" that is informative and beneficial. [20]

Trauma healing is another way to help parties manage their emotions. Victims of war and violence often feel humiliated, helpless, and hopeless. Other emotional responses that commonly result from trauma include depression, intense fear, and anxiety. One strategy that can help parties to acknowledge and deal with trauma and hidden emotions is storytelling. Some theorists point out that one reason that protracted conflicts get so "stuck" is that disputants do not feel deeply heard by one another or the world at large. Often this is because parties delete their emotions from the narratives they tell about conflict. The "story that each side tells to itself and others about the conflict" does not mention the anger, hurt feelings, humiliation, and shame that parties have experienced. In order to resolve their conflict, parties must begin to acknowledge their hidden feelings in a way that leaves dignity intact. People should have a chance to tell their stories of pain and oppression. The "truth-telling" that occurred in South Africa, for example, allowed both black and white citizens to express some of their emotions and begin to change their shared