Module 1 Assignment Analysis
The couple I asked to help me with this assignment was my brother and his wife and they were more than happy to help. They have been together 16 years, but only been married since February of this year. When we discussed the first question, “You can’t make anyone love you and nobody can make you happy.” My brother said that this is not true, that his wife makes him very happy, but it was his choice to allow himself to love her, and her choice to love him. My sister-in-law said that a person can only make you happy, because you allow them too. If a person is happy about something or someone it is because it is the choice they made. The second statement, “Try all you want; you'll never change your partner. However, if you change yourself, your
…show more content…
partner may change.” My sister-in-law agreed with this statement. She believes that you cannot change a person, only a person can change something about themselves. She said that couples like ourselves, try to be supportive in our partners hobbies, and interests in life. An example is when my brother started riding a motorcycle, my sister-in-law supported his interest, and also had my brother teach her how to ride. The thing is that she really is not a big fan of riding anymore, but was willing to engage in this activity because of her husband’s interest in it. For the next statement, “People don’t marry people; they marry illusions and fantasies. (What a surprise to discover that your partner is as human as you are.)” Both of them agreed that when they first met, they acted, and did things to impress each other, but once they were living together, it was a different story all together. They noticed different habits, and agreed that sometimes it was very challenging to discover things about the other person. This answered the statement that, “A real marriage begins just at the point where the illusion ends. The challenge of marriage is to discover who you married.” When we discussed the statement about, “Love is only one of the reasons we choose a partner. (Sometimes, it’s not the most important.)” My brother said that it was easy to love his wife, but it was many of the qualities that she has, that made it easy to be her partner in life. Their relationship was not only held together from love, but from understanding, and communication. Although it took years to learn how to communicate with each other, without getting mad or pointing fingers at the other.
The next statement “Most likely, the qualities that now drive you crazy are the same ones that first attracted you to your partner.” My sister-in-law said that the things that drove her crazy in the beginning of their relationship, still drive her crazy. The next statement, “It is impossible to go through a relationship without experiencing periods of pain and loneliness.” Both my brother and sister-in-law agreed that there are periods in the relationship that is painful, and can be lonely. There was a time that they discussed, where they separated for a while and my brother had a child with another women. During this time it was very painful for both of them and also a hard and lonely time, before they started working through the issue of their separation. My sister-in-law has been raising the child as her own, and loves this child as much as hers own children. The statement about “The greatest gift you can give your children is a loving marriage.” The statement of “A marriage succeeds when each of us realizes that our partner’s needs are at least as important as our own.” My brother was the first to say that in the beginning of their relationship, he was very selfish when it came to his needs, and even though he thought about his wife’s needs, he continued to put his needs first.
It took time, a long time, to get to the point of working as a unit, or as one, while still not losing the independence of being who we are. This also explains how my brother has grown in his marriage, and is less selfish than in the beginning of their relationship. He has been learning to love, and my sister-in-law explains that they are still growing and learning in their marriage as in the statement of, “Marriage is the best opportunity to grow, overcome selfishness and learn how to love.”
partner may change.” My sister-in-law agreed with this statement. She believes that you cannot change a person, only a person can change something about themselves. She said that couples like ourselves, try to be supportive in our partners hobbies, and interests in life. An example is when my brother started riding a motorcycle, my sister-in-law supported his interest, and also had my brother teach her how to ride. The thing is that she really is not a big fan of riding anymore, but was willing to engage in this activity because of her husband’s interest in it. For the next statement, “People don’t marry people; they marry illusions and fantasies. (What a surprise to discover that your partner is as human as you are.)” Both of them agreed that when they first met, they acted, and did things to impress each other, but once they were living together, it was a different story all together. They noticed different habits, and agreed that sometimes it was very challenging to discover things about the other person. This answered the statement that, “A real marriage begins just at the point where the illusion ends. The challenge of marriage is to discover who you married.” When we discussed the statement about, “Love is only one of the reasons we choose a partner. (Sometimes, it’s not the most important.)” My brother said that it was easy to love his wife, but it was many of the qualities that she has, that made it easy to be her partner in life. Their relationship was not only held together from love, but from understanding, and communication. Although it took years to learn how to communicate with each other, without getting mad or pointing fingers at the other.
The next statement “Most likely, the qualities that now drive you crazy are the same ones that first attracted you to your partner.” My sister-in-law said that the things that drove her crazy in the beginning of their relationship, still drive her crazy. The next statement, “It is impossible to go through a relationship without experiencing periods of pain and loneliness.” Both my brother and sister-in-law agreed that there are periods in the relationship that is painful, and can be lonely. There was a time that they discussed, where they separated for a while and my brother had a child with another women. During this time it was very painful for both of them and also a hard and lonely time, before they started working through the issue of their separation. My sister-in-law has been raising the child as her own, and loves this child as much as hers own children. The statement about “The greatest gift you can give your children is a loving marriage.” The statement of “A marriage succeeds when each of us realizes that our partner’s needs are at least as important as our own.” My brother was the first to say that in the beginning of their relationship, he was very selfish when it came to his needs, and even though he thought about his wife’s needs, he continued to put his needs first.
It took time, a long time, to get to the point of working as a unit, or as one, while still not losing the independence of being who we are. This also explains how my brother has grown in his marriage, and is less selfish than in the beginning of their relationship. He has been learning to love, and my sister-in-law explains that they are still growing and learning in their marriage as in the statement of, “Marriage is the best opportunity to grow, overcome selfishness and learn how to love.”