Mother-Daughter Relationships In Tillie Olsen's I Stand Here Ironing

The complexity of mother-daughter relationships is influenced by the role a mother plays, whether it is well-balanced or lacking emotional and/or physical availability. Whatever the case, a mother’s actions combined with sets of circumstances can shape her child’s individuality. Therefore, when a child is thought to be socially unacceptable, mothering itself includes many internal conflicts concerning what she could have done differently from the start. Tillie Olsen’s “I Stand Here Ironing” captures a mother’s internal thoughts while struggling to either help change her daughter’s new behavior or embrace her individuality now that she has come out of her shell.

The past hardships which shaped Emily’s personality are well-defined in this narrative
told from her mother's perspective, which is mostly an internal monologue describing the negative experiences requiring to be undone in order to change part of Emily's personality. The need to go into detail regarding Emily's past is prompted by a note received from school requesting her help in understanding Emily. But, as much as she would like to help, the mother is doubtful of her ability to do so, stating: “Even if I came, what good would it do? You think because I am her mother I have a key, or that in some way you could use me as a key?” (Olsen). In other words, she can't be expected to know everything that has affected Emily just because she is her mother. Furthermore, helping anyone understand Emily based solely on what her mother knows would take time and focus, which are scarce luxuries for a mother raising multiple children. This lack of time and focus is emphasized when she says: “And when is there time to remember, to sift, to weigh, to estimate, to total? I will start and there will be an interruption and I will have to gather it all together again” (Olsen). Up until now, these statements could make us think that she is rationalizing her way out of helping her daughter. However, she does feel guilty for not being able to raise Emily in the same way as her younger siblings. This declaration of guilt is made clear when she states, “... I will become engulfed with all I did or did not do, with what should have been and what cannot be helped” (Olsen). Hence, focusing on what could have been will also make things difficult for her, because there is just too much to undo.