Can you picture, a group of run down shack houses, extending down either side of a long dirt road that lead out onto a long stretch of country road? Where all you can see for miles in either direction is road and trees aligning both sides? A site that appears somewhat secluded, where the only telephone access is owned by one family, living in a 2 bedroom shack house with an outhouse for a bathroom.
Down that long dirt road standing by the edge of the road less traveled she stood, alone, barely dressed and holding on either arm a back pack. She could not have been any more than 8 years old. So why was she standing beside a desolate road with bags? Where were her parents, did they not know where their daughter was? What she was wearing or did they even know why she was standing beside the side of the road anyway, then why was she standing there that young all alone?
Well, to answer that question, we have to go back, back into time.
Does anyone not hear how this baby is screaming at the top of her lungs? Does anyone not recognize that her cries are not normal? What three year old do you know cries like that if she is not in pain? This baby is practically screaming and crying like someone is killing her. Why is she crying? Can someone please attend to her and see what’s wrong? Ok. FINALLY! Here comes her mother asking “AWW what’s wrong? What’s wrong with momma’s baby?” The baby grabs the mother hugging her around her neck as if she knows her safety net is here and she starts to calm down. But then here “HE” comes thinking he can do a better job than she, the mother. Well I guess he knew her plans, all the mother wanted to do was get dressed to go out and party. The baby doesn’t know any better so she reluctantly has to go with the young boy as he is pulling her from her mother’s arms. He has been designated to baby sit her for the evening.
Time passes and it is now night time and little baby is fast asleep in her grandmother’s bed but she is quickly awakened. The grandmother is stirred and asks what are you doing where are you taking her? He replies “I am going to put her in the bunk bed so you have more room.” The grandmother thinks nothing of it and says “OK” So the baby is taken and placed in a top bunk bed belonging to the boy cousin. Starting on this night the innocence that this young baby once knew will be no more as she has known it.
This night began the end of purity for this child, and a new life will now begin, a life of emotional precociousness eventually leading to years of sexual/physical and mental abuse. The abuse from those who should have loved her, nurtured her, cared for her and looked out for her well-being. Adults that were entrusted with this child’s lively hood decided to take advantage of a situation because she was young and impressionable and could be scared into fear of not telling what was happening to her. This night would begin a host of many other nights to come for this little girl eventually ending with trust issues, hate and discontent from hardened heart.
As the years went on and the little baby grew to become an older girl the age of about 8 years old she finally was able to break away, become separated and rescued by her new mother no longer being involved with her birth mother no more a part of episodic victimization. She will be protected by her new mother who assures her that she will never be abused or hurt in any way ever again. She’s been assured that she will receive nothing but love and respect and enabled to grow and thrive as a young woman.
One night the little girl is awakened from her sleep with tears from having a bad dream. She shares with her new mother that she wants to see her birth mother and see why it is that she didn’t want her and why she allowed bad things to happen to her and treated her like she was invisible. Hesitant with her decision to allow her little girl to leave, she reluctantly calls the girls’ father and makes arrangements for the visit. It was around summer time so she thought two weeks won’t be too bad.
8 long months has now passed and the girl has returned home. She looks disheveled and appears to have battle scars. Her hair has been cut off and she looks malnourished. Once again her child has been abused, both sexually and physically as evidenced by the different stages of wounds on the child’s skin in odd places. The mother was angry and vowed an explanation and revenge. She finds out from the father who was dealing with his own demons at the time that the birth mother was on drugs heavily not knowing if she was coming or going half the time resulting in her pimping her own daughter to get her fix.
The child was the girlfriend to her mother’s man as well as the friends of the man. A fast life lived in a short 8 months but seemed like an eternity to the young girl. Something no one especially a child should ever have to experience. From the age of three having the memories of being molested by her cousin the child was afraid to get up and use the restroom for fear that she knew what would happen if her cousin woke up because it was at those times he would molest her. Knowing that she would be molested she would just lie in bed and pee causing other issues for herself. Surely an 8 year old knows better than to wet the bed. The trauma from being abused at three had carried over and now was affecting her at age 8. When it was discovered in the morning that she had wet the bed she was beaten and then told if anyone asks you what happened to your legs and arms you say that you fell at the park as the cocoa butter was applied to her skin for fast healing of wounds and bruises. Wounds she had incurred from the belt as it broke her skin.
A victim of physical/ emotional and sexual abuse the now young woman hides her past fearing embarrassment as if she were the one who had done something wrong. Her relationships with men growing up she was always ashamed of her body always feeling that she was unattractive to “REAL” men. It seemed in her life she only attracted the dead beats the ones who wanted to abuse her verbally and put hands on her physically. Due to her negative outlook on life she never became outspoken, she never developed much of self-esteem and she never was able to break out of her shell. Instead she held a hate in her heart for her mother, and towards any and every man that she came across, and that ever done her wrong as well as for life itself.
It wasn’t until she became 36 and had a near death experience causing her to have an emotional psychotic break that she finally sought the help of a professional. Through her many sessions with Counselors/Psychiatrists and Psychologists she was able to finally talk about her life abuse as a child. Three years later at age 39 the young lady was able to call her birth mother and forgive her for all she been put through. Through her forgiving her mother she was able to forgive herself and move forward.
Little did she know that it would not be until her 36th year on earth would she be rescued from the hauntings of her past? She would be free to begin the healing process and allow herself to forgive those who should have loved her and not abused and neglected her. At 39 she lives a happy and free life, not that she forgets because it will always be a part of her but she forgives in order that she can be finally “FREE”
Oh and just in case you still don’t know why that little girl was standing beside the road. It was because she was waiting. Waiting to be rescued, waiting for a savior her hero, a knight in shining armor. She was waiting for someone, anyone who would free her from her bondage. Free her from her pain and suffering. Daily for 8 long months she took her two little bags and she stood by the side of the road looking in both directions until dark set in. When no one came she would return to her shack of a house just to wake up and do it all over again.
In conclusion if “YOU” have traumatic events that haunt your life don’t be afraid to talk about them with someone. In talking about a traumatic event you are enabled to come to grips with it and find closure. Most of all it’s so that you can forgive those who have wronged you or hurt you. Forgiveness is not for the person doing the wrong it’s for the victim. Forgiveness allows the victim to be free to move on with their life. If getting to and through your traumatic event entails you seeking some professional help, do not feel embarrassed or ashamed. Everyone goes through things differently and the major point to get from this is “Getting through forgiving and moving forward.”
Remember, we must take it “One Day at A Time”
I’m reminded of a quote I once read and fell in love with.
‘God will “NOT” bring you to it, if he has not already made the plans and the provisions to bring you through it.”
Every test and trial that we endure is for one of two things, it’s to make us or break us. It’s up to us to decide if we will lie in defeat or dust ourselves off and get back up on our feet. Our trials and tribulations are for our perfecting. If you can go through a traumatic experience and bounce back from it while being a light and helping others in the process then the job of strengthening and perfecting you for yourself and others has been done.