Relationship between emotion and family membership

Relationship between emotion and family membership

Introduction

Emotion can be defined as a mental state that arises instinctively rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes. Moreover, it is the part of the consciousness that involves feeling and sensibility. But in Chinese conception of emotion, it is no need to be related to impulsion, instinct, sex desire or barbarity.
In the meantime, since China 's reform and opening up, the family membership have some change because of the diffusion of Western cultural elements. However, the traditions still remain.
In this paper, I suggest that in contemporary China, emotion is not the sole basis of family membership and its expression can be influenced by the Chinese-style kinship to some extent.
In this view, this paper will be separated into two parts. The first part will state the role of emotion in parental-child and marital relationship. In the former one, emotion is inherent but has to follow the social relationships and highly partitionable affection; while in the latter one, it is necessary but supposed to be intertwined with other elements such as “work”. The second part will set forth how the attributes of Chinese kinship, continuity, inclusiveness, and authority impact on the way Chinese people using emotion and dealing with it in society.

Parental affection under social relationships

Emotion, as an unlearned inherent human characteristic, will be regulated in the process of appropriately enacting social relationships. (Sulamith Heins Potter, “The Cultural Construction of Emotion in Rural Chinese Social Life”, Ethos, Vol.16, No.2, June 1988)In Confucian China, there are five cardinal relationships: lord and subject, father and son, husband and wife, brother and brother, and friend and friend. And four of them have each a particular variety of virtue assigned to it. For example, to the father-son relationship is the virtue of filial piety (Hsiao). These Chinese virtues are too specific to be transferable to other relationships. Besides, there are three cardinal guides as well: lord guides subject, father guides son, and husband guides wife, which has been regarded as a basic moral principle in China. The ideology of patrilineal descent formed based on these relationships, and the man is the head of a family.
Thus, assumed as the role of stern disciplinarian, traditional Chinese fathers were not encouraged or tolerated emotional indulgence to promote that dependency. Most Chinese fathers did feel a warm, deep sentiment toward their children, though articulation of that sentiment was restrained by their traditional parenting role and its expectations. (William Jankowiak, “Proper Men and Proper Women: Parental Affection in the Chinese Family”, in Chinese Femininities/Chinese Masculinities, University of California Press)However, there is an increasing intimacy of father-child interaction as a result of the new urban infrastructure, where a positive environment of expression for warm sentiments is supported.
In contrast, mothers exercise tremendous psychological control over their offspring from beginning to end. Adoration might be used to describe the emotional connections between mother and child. The emotional bond a woman forms with her child during its fancy and the early childhood years is maintained, which legitimizes and promotes an intense lifelong emotional bond between mother and child. In fact, a woman must provide the links in the male chain of descent, but there is no permanent setting for her. Margery Wolf, “Uterine Families and the Women’s Community”, in Women and the Family in Rural Taiwan, Stanford University Press With this feeling of insecurity, mothers devote more affection to her children in a more direct way.
In conclusion, fathers are more ambivalent than mothers in balancing their obligations as both spouse and parent. The ambivalence was profoundly articulated by many college-educated fathers who voiced concern that their children loved their mothers than them. (Jankowiak, op.cit.p.11) Such phenomenon is a reflection of emotion’s status of concomitant and the independence of social relationships.

Pao: Children’s affection towards parents

The Chinese believe that reciprocity of action between man and man should be as certain as a cause-and-effect relationship, and therefore, when a Chinese acts, he normally anticipates a response or return. (Francis L.K.Hsu, “Eros, affect and Pao”, in Kinship and Culture, Northwestern University) Above can be treated as the origin and definition of pao, and a typical example of pao is “filial piety” (Hsiao), which is usually regarded as repayment to parents for their dedication in giving their children life and raising them.
The father-son dominated kinship system of the Chinese is equally suitable for producing and reinforcing the psychological orientation for a society and culture with an affective base of solidarity leaning toward pao. (Hsu, op.cit.p.473) A brand column built by CCTV named “People Who Moved China” has aroused extensive attention recent years, whose main content is to name ten of the most moving and impressive figures of the year. One of the main standards is “Individuals are supposed to perform particularly impressively in life, family and emotional range, showing traditional Chinese virtues and excellent social fashion”. Every year, one or two figures are selected because of “Hsiao”. For instance, in order to take care of his mother who has Alzheimer 's disease, Binqiang Chen, "Person of the Year 2012”, goes to work on a motorbike for 2 hours strapping her to him every week. This time, the conception of pao is utilized as a way of moral cultivation, or even political propaganda, it seems that with pao, Chinese society has a much higher degree of unity and solidarity.
However, runaway pao appears recently: what people actually practice may not be calculated to satisfy individual human feelings, but rather the requirements of pao or reciprocity. Due to the one-child policy, the generation after 1980s accepts the complete affection from their parents and has to repay them on their own, so the repayment is always imbalanced, and they are under both financial and psychological pressure. Moreover, the lack of sibling ties may cause the excessive focus, self-center and indifference. As a result, pao tends to become more and more a matter of pure business without sentiment under the social environment where “Hsiao” is carried forward.

Marital affection under the parental-child relationship

Since emotional experience is not thought to have an important role in the symbolization of relationship, people always succumb to someone else wishes only by disregarding his own feelings. This is exemplified by the phenomenon that a couple may struggle to keep a marriage relationship only for their child, as they think a broken home can affect children’s healthy growth.
It appears to be a stereotype that there are always conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, which is a classic example of marital affection influenced by the parental-child relationship. And it is reasonable as daughters-in-law are the outsiders of the mothers-in-law’s uterine families, while the mother’s affection towards her son is so ingrained and exclusive that the daughter-in-law’s coming brings her a heightened sense of crisis. When the conflicts break out, the husband’s way of handling them is of vital importance. As the principle “Hsiao” is always placed ahead of the marital affection, husbands may obey the social orders to become a filial son, abandoning the interests of his wife and his own feelings.
Things have some changes in contemporary China. It is also interesting that the “Old woman daughter-in-law” television series are so popular in China, according to the huge quantity and the high audience rating. One of them called “The mother-in-law is coming” reflects the conflicts between the urban daughter-in-law and the rural mother-in-law; another one called “How the Wife Was Tempered” shows how they intrigue against each other. Actually, in those series, the characters of husband are more like the mediator and mutual understanding is the main theme. Marital affection under the parental-child relationship shows the gap between inherent and acquired emotion, which tends to be narrowing.

Eros in marriage

Although love is regarded as the rival and potential enemy of structure in Chinese social relations, the meaning of marriage in contemporary urban China idealizes the love match: a love marriage. Some popular stars’ marriages are doubted or even criticized as the public may consider it is only a business of money.
Eros is the main part of love, while in the Chinese configuration it is merely a reality to be dealt with, like man’s need for fire or food. It gives pleasure; it is part of the marital relationship; it is necessary for continuation of the patrilineal ancestral line. (Hsu,op.cit.p.447) And marital satisfaction is considered to be from emotional and sexual intimacy. According to Jankowiak, one of the tacit indexes for the intensity of a couple’s emotional intimacy is parent-child sleeping arrangement; Connection between physical exhaustion and sexual frequency is a general topic of conversation as well. All in all, eros is reflected in almost every trivial detail of marriage.
There is also a sexual division in eros of marriage. Men are always more demonstrative in expressing their sexual desires and anxieties. In fact, men take the initiative in sex so “male identity” is equated with sexual performance to some degree. Meanwhile, a new notion of eroticism emerges: women should also enjoy the sex act in and of itself, which is also important to men. It may have an internal relation with sexual division in family. Men always have a sense of insecurity since they have a large duty and fear “let the family down”; while women may have the authentic and onerous domestic power.

Affirmation of marriage

There’s a point of view in a number of novels and films and accepted by lots of people in China: finally, the person getting married with you is not the one you love most but the one suits you best. The attribute of “fit”, instead of “love” or “eros” mentioned above plays the most significant role in marriage. The conception of “fit” can be separated into two parts: material and spiritual part.
The material “fit” includes the existing social status and wealth, or can be described as “The two families are of equal rank” (Men dang hu dui). For instance, man who does not own his own house and car is difficult to find a partner in marriage, because they are treated as the material necessities. Marriage between the poor boy and rich girl is still not well understood by elders nowadays.
Besides, work and the rewards for work are also the social connection and the affirmation of relationship. Idiom of work and mutual aid is common especially in rural areas, as work shared means a close relationship. They can also be treated as abilities to survive and make wealth together in the future.
Material gain can also become the bond of the spouses after the love vanishes in a long run. A dialogue of a standard successful young man from “Love Is Not Blind”, a high grossing comedy in 2011, shows this opinion: Some girls believe LV is necessity of life and love is luxury. LV is unlikely to go bankruptcy, but love will be sure to expire. So I prefer marrying this kind of girls, which saves worry.
Spiritual part contains objects beyond impulse and sex, and sacrifice and compromise service as good examples of this, as well as consideration and mutual respect. Since marriage is long-term and flexible while love is short and rigid, similar ways of living and life goals are the guarantee. Meanwhile, transient romance seems to be splendid but will not last long. Love will eventually be converted to the family affection for most people.
As a result, men expect their spouse to be virtuous and diligent, or as Chinese saying goes, “to present with graceful manners in the living room along with culinary skills in the kitchen” (Shang de ting tang, xia de chu fang), while women value qualities like loyalty, honesty, and down-to-earth most.
Some people even hold the opinion that feelings can be fostered after wedding, as they believe compared with individual emotion, family 's harmony on the surface is more important. In general, marital affection is not as important as career and accomplishment in some Chinese people’s eyes.

The attributes of Chinese kinship

Three attributes of Chinese kinship, continuity, inclusiveness, and authority, will be discussed in the following paragraphs. The attribute of inclusiveness can be reflected from harmony when various families live in a relatively small region. Chinese people remain where they were born and lived, and the lineage paradigm will last in a long time, which causes the attribute of continuity. Absolute authority has long existed in Chinese family, which can be regarded as an attribute of kinship. For example, in nuclear family, the husband is the nucleus, while in stem family, father is the center.

Continuity and affection

Chinese always emphasize the place of the individual in a human network, which view is not able to be separated from the duties and obligations characteristic of the group. Their expression can be shown as “My parents will be pleased...” “I can’t face my ancestors...”
Generally, the Chinese conception of emotion, as mere idiosyncrasy, lacks symbolic significance for the creation and maintenance of social relationships. Although Chinese do not appear to feel constrained against letting many emotions, they still believe that “How I feel does not matter”. (Lung-kee Sun, “Contemporary Chinese Culture: Structure and Emotionality”, The Australian Journal of Chinese Affairs, July 1991)

Inclusiveness and affection

Inclusiveness makes it unnecessary for the Chinese to approach the world in terms of all or none. Even in philosophical ideals the Chinese have never had the conception of the absolute virtue as opposed to the absolute evil. Instead the Chinese have developed the complementary principles of yin and yang (female and male) (Sun, op.cit.p.446) As a result, vague expression of emotion is common among Chinese.
In the Chinese cultural milieu, when a person is troubled and emotionally distraught, he or she is usually advised to “think I through” or to “view things clearly”, meaning to put things in a wider and broader context, to see oneself in relation to the total scheme of things, and to exert more self-control. Chinese will not struggle with a specific kind of emotion, especially on the surface.

Authority and affection

In the Chinese situation, the individual is trained and encouraged to follow the established order of things and to feel that he will do best for himself if follows the authority. His ideals will include such values as duty and privileges, security, tradition, dependence, harmony with human beings, and obedience to authority.
On the other hand, in Chinese culture, a person is motivated to serve and make sacrifices by means of a sense of indebtedness. The principle is that a person is already in debit before he is born; he or she owes a debt to the parents who conceive them, and who will raise them in the future (Sun, op.cit.p.31). So reciprocity is undoubtedly institutionalized as a formal obligation. To entrap a person in a network of reciprocity even before he is born, which predetermines some if not all of his future choices and moves, threatening his ‘total’ control of his own surroundings is always utilized by the authorities.
In result, Chinese display a marked indifference to the notion of an unconscious mind counteracting a person’s consciousness, which appears as “thought is often understood as activating and then directing behavior”.

References

Lung-kee Sun, “Contemporary Chinese Culture: Structure and Emotionality”, The Australian Journal of Chinese Affairs, July 1991
Sulamith Heins Potter, “The Cultural Construction of Emotion in Rural Chinese Social Life”, Ethos, Vol.16, No.2, June 1988
Francis L.K.Hsu, “Eros, affect and Pao”, in Kinship and Culture, Northwestern University William Jankowiak, “Proper Men and Proper Women: Parental Affection in the Chinese Family”, in Chinese Femininities/Chinese Masculinities, University of California Press Margery Wolf, “Uterine Families and the Women’s Community”, in Women and the Family in Rural Taiwan, Stanford University Press

References: Lung-kee Sun, “Contemporary Chinese Culture: Structure and Emotionality”, The Australian Journal of Chinese Affairs, July 1991 Sulamith Heins Potter, “The Cultural Construction of Emotion in Rural Chinese Social Life”, Ethos, Vol.16, No.2, June 1988 Francis L.K.Hsu, “Eros, affect and Pao”, in Kinship and Culture, Northwestern University William Jankowiak, “Proper Men and Proper Women: Parental Affection in the Chinese Family”, in Chinese Femininities/Chinese Masculinities, University of California Press Margery Wolf, “Uterine Families and the Women’s Community”, in Women and the Family in Rural Taiwan, Stanford University Press