Sorry Dude, I'M Trying to Go Vegan so I'M Gonna Have to Eat You
TWO: Ladies and gentlemen,
ONE: The performance is about to begin
TWO: I’m Ju Li.
ONE: And i’m Ashvinnie.
ONE: At this moment we ask that you take a moment to switch off your cellular phones,
TWO: Silence all pagers,
ONE: And turn off that annoying beeping function on digital watches.
TWO: (to ONE) Why do people still wear those annoying things?
ONE: (to TWO) I don’t know.
TWO: Also, if you have any hard candy or cough drops,
ONE: Please, be kind enough to unwrap it before the performance begins.
TWO: In this case, the show has already started, so please do us all a favor and wait another eight minutes till we’re done— ONE: Then you can unwrap your candy.
TWO: But if for some odd reason you can’t wait that long—
ONE: Please—
TWO: Please, do everyone the favor to unwrap it very quickly,
ONE: With one quick pull on both ends,
TWO: Don’t sit there and try to slowly unwrap the thing!
ONE: That doesn’t make it any quieter!
TWO: That just prolongs the annoyance.
ONE: We also ask that you not talk during the performance.
TWO: Not even whispering.
ONE: I don’t care if you’re saying, “hey, that performer’s really good!”
TWO: Or, “This play is so good, it’s even better than Cats! I’m going to see it again, and again!”
ONE: We appreciate your kind thoughts.
TWO: We will be available after the performance for you to share your raving review.
ONE: In summary, we have requested three simple courtesies from you, the audience.
TWO: Number one. Turn off all electronic noise-making devices.
ONE: Number two. Leave all hard candy in your pocket or purse.
TWO: Number three. Please refrain from speaking during the performance.
ONE: If at any time during the performance you should engage in one of the three prohibited activities,
TWO: We do request that the people sitting in front of you do this:
(ONE and TWO turn with their backs to the audience. Both turn around making a disapproving scowl
ONE: The performance is about to begin
TWO: I’m Ju Li.
ONE: And i’m Ashvinnie.
ONE: At this moment we ask that you take a moment to switch off your cellular phones,
TWO: Silence all pagers,
ONE: And turn off that annoying beeping function on digital watches.
TWO: (to ONE) Why do people still wear those annoying things?
ONE: (to TWO) I don’t know.
TWO: Also, if you have any hard candy or cough drops,
ONE: Please, be kind enough to unwrap it before the performance begins.
TWO: In this case, the show has already started, so please do us all a favor and wait another eight minutes till we’re done— ONE: Then you can unwrap your candy.
TWO: But if for some odd reason you can’t wait that long—
ONE: Please—
TWO: Please, do everyone the favor to unwrap it very quickly,
ONE: With one quick pull on both ends,
TWO: Don’t sit there and try to slowly unwrap the thing!
ONE: That doesn’t make it any quieter!
TWO: That just prolongs the annoyance.
ONE: We also ask that you not talk during the performance.
TWO: Not even whispering.
ONE: I don’t care if you’re saying, “hey, that performer’s really good!”
TWO: Or, “This play is so good, it’s even better than Cats! I’m going to see it again, and again!”
ONE: We appreciate your kind thoughts.
TWO: We will be available after the performance for you to share your raving review.
ONE: In summary, we have requested three simple courtesies from you, the audience.
TWO: Number one. Turn off all electronic noise-making devices.
ONE: Number two. Leave all hard candy in your pocket or purse.
TWO: Number three. Please refrain from speaking during the performance.
ONE: If at any time during the performance you should engage in one of the three prohibited activities,
TWO: We do request that the people sitting in front of you do this:
(ONE and TWO turn with their backs to the audience. Both turn around making a disapproving scowl