We Grew Up Alone

We grew up together
Trading face paintings
And sharing daydreams
I was your voice and you were my shadow too soon it was all fading away and we went to elementary only seeing each other on birthdays, holidays, information always missing the relay
For years we went on this way
Then middle school came and we never stopped to play
You found band and I, cheerleading
Yet our hearts stayed parallel like too lines on a graph, the same, but never meeting
Our family kept us updated on the other like conversations about strangers
And our relationship was relegated to the attic, a beloved piece of our childhood now being neglected but never eradicated
Then my heart was obliterated, decimated, knocked down dilapidated
You were gone and I was here
Where
They say that it isn’t goodbye but that’s just putting a Band-Aid on a broken mind
Because how can I be me without you being you
Maybe he didn’t mean to
But that day in the forest, more than one heart was shot
More than you were lost
You to heaven
And us to depression
Everyone tiptoed around the subject like a floorboard that had begun to rot like my feelings could be circumvented if only they didn't say your name and I wanted to tell them don't bother
I think about him every day,
Our adventures always on my brain
They can't just be covered up like a wall with fresh paint
We were all tried
We sat through arraignment after arraignment
Postponing our incarceration
Because it felt like as soon as it was over we would have to move on
We would have nothing left to fight for
After all you are still gone
Arraignment
Plea-bargain
Sentencing
Done
He was given only four years
And I got life without parole
Because there's no escaping grief
No hiding from the memories even though I seek relief
Because superheroes were your favorite
And band, the best entertainment
And every time I drive by Palisade I break
Because you were my batman
My right hand
My best
Potato head
I would never need new pieces because you were already it
And your heart was the best
Always with the number one sentiment
Encouragement
Never hesitant
You always knew exactly what to say
You were just waiting for the right moment to let it all out
Like if you didn’t say everything going through your mind
When you finally found a topic worth your words
People might've stopped to listen
Like the supply and demand of strung together vowels and consonants
Would make an economy where yours would be worth that of another’s
Millions
Like maybe if you were here to explain it to me
I wouldn't be as sad
One year since then and I'm still stuck in this tailspin
They all mourned you and now aren't there
You were just another like and share
A topic amongst those who pretended to care
September 13 2015 burned in my mind, stuck on repeat each second my breathing still wheezed
Lungs compressed,
Head to chest
Heart a mess
Torn apart soul and a brain that regressed and they just have timeline alerts
Like a post strung together
Wondering if their "sadness" could get any likes
Because death is so abstract to them it's not even a possibility
The only death they know, they've seen on a TV
Their empathy blocked by