Why are poor kids paying for school Security?
Why Are Poor Kids Paying for School Security? Re: NYC blog Editor
Date of article December 12, 2012, 12:44
NYR blog, The Article “Why is Poor Kids Paying for School Security” was quite interesting to read. On your blog there was a picture of kids lined up to pay for cell phone storage near New York city’s Washington Irving high school on September 27, 2012, the picture was of the phone truck less that less privileged kids have to pay to store their cell phones in.
This article though could have appealed a tiny bit more to the life of less privileged kids in New York, although it mentioned the phone trucks it could have used more perturbation in some of the paragraphs. The wealthier children in various parts of New York did not have to pay to place their phones in these storage trucks but rather they could merely just shove it in their pocket and not get caught. I thought this was quite unfair , in your article I noticed many of weasel words and persuasive techniques you used to convey your own point of view.
One particular one that I noticed was a single sentence, “A girl said, they’re watching us”, this was an answer given by a student when asked if she was alright with surveillance cameras inside the school. That short fragmented sentence was appealing also to Pathos. This article was a bit melancholy in my opinion; it really showed me what some school enforcements might not be fair, but it also taught me to appreciate the little things. This was outstanding although instead you could add a couple more weasel words and persuasive text so that it can also appeal to the parents of the poor children.
It was truly my pleasure reading your article and I thank you for taking the time to read this. Sincerely, Lily
Date of article December 12, 2012, 12:44
NYR blog, The Article “Why is Poor Kids Paying for School Security” was quite interesting to read. On your blog there was a picture of kids lined up to pay for cell phone storage near New York city’s Washington Irving high school on September 27, 2012, the picture was of the phone truck less that less privileged kids have to pay to store their cell phones in.
This article though could have appealed a tiny bit more to the life of less privileged kids in New York, although it mentioned the phone trucks it could have used more perturbation in some of the paragraphs. The wealthier children in various parts of New York did not have to pay to place their phones in these storage trucks but rather they could merely just shove it in their pocket and not get caught. I thought this was quite unfair , in your article I noticed many of weasel words and persuasive techniques you used to convey your own point of view.
One particular one that I noticed was a single sentence, “A girl said, they’re watching us”, this was an answer given by a student when asked if she was alright with surveillance cameras inside the school. That short fragmented sentence was appealing also to Pathos. This article was a bit melancholy in my opinion; it really showed me what some school enforcements might not be fair, but it also taught me to appreciate the little things. This was outstanding although instead you could add a couple more weasel words and persuasive text so that it can also appeal to the parents of the poor children.
It was truly my pleasure reading your article and I thank you for taking the time to read this. Sincerely, Lily