5 Reasons Why Your Teen is Rebelling

5 Reasons Why Your Teen is Rebelling

Teenage rebellion is nothing new. Rebellious children have been around since the first children inhabited the earth. Remember Cain and Abel? So, what should you do about it? Run from the battle? Raise the white surrender flag in defeat? Go to war with guns a blazing? None of those things will accomplish very much and may end up killing your relationship with your child. Instead, it’s important to first get a handle on why your teen may be rebelling. Understanding why your teen is rebelling is foundational to understanding what we should do about it. In today’s blog, I’m going to talk about the “Why?” Tomorrow, we’ll address the “What?”
Here are 5 reasons why your teen may be rebelling:
Struggle for Identity.
Your teen is trying to answer the question, “Who am I?” During the teen years, our children struggle to figure out who they really are and why they are here. It’s important during this time for parents to help children understand their immeasurable value because of who they are, not for what they do. A mom and dad should help their kids understand the difference between identity and image.
Struggle for Acceptance.
Remember trying to be cool in order to fit in? It’s the same today. Teens still want to be part of the crowd, they want a sense of belonging, and they still feel the pressure to do what everyone else is doing. In the movie “What a Girl Wants,” teenage Daphne is trying to be someone she’s not and is really struggling with it. At one point, her boyfriend asks, “Why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?” While understanding our children’s need for acceptance, let’s help them understand that it’s good to be different. Encourage them to be different, to have the courage to do what’s right, and the conviction to stand out in the crowd.

Struggle for Attention.
Often teens want others to notice them. They’re silently saying, “Hey, look at me!” And sometimes, they’ll do almost anything for attention. As parents, we need to do everything we can to give our kids attention by being available when they need us. A father or mother who is always working and not paying attention to their child will find a child who seeks attention in many wrong places and in many wrong ways. Fathers, especially, need to let their daughters know they are beautiful inside and out. And they need to let their sons know they’ve got what it takes.
Struggle for Control.
When our children are younger, we are in complete control of just about everything they do—what they eat, what they wear, where they go and who they are with. As they get older, our children want to make more and more decisions for themselves and don’t want mom or dad always telling them what to do. We need to show our children that they will have more control over their decision-making to the extent that we can trust them to make wise decisions. Trust is earned over time.

Struggle for Freedom.
If you have teens, you’ve probably heard something like, “I just want some freedom.” While teens say they want total freedom and independence, they still want to, and need to, rely upon us for certain things. As parents, we need to allow them to experience more freedom as they get older, but only as they learn a very important point: freedom comes with responsibility.

Dealing with a Rebellious Teen? 4 Ways to Manage Their Behavior

If you are living with teenagers, you know that they want their freedom and they want to do things their way. These years can be stressful for both the teen and the parent. Here are several reasons why I think teens might behave rebelliously… along with some stress management strategies that, in my opinion, can help you keep your sanity!
What causes your teen to be rebellious?
1. Your teen is learning “self identity”. During adolescence your child is trying to discover his unique identity and “personality brand.” In these teen years, your kids are likely to push for more independence and may rebel against what they perceive as overly strict rules. Household rules that they have followed before can now suddenly cause resentment.
2. Your teen may be seeking attention. If parents become too busy, wrapped up in their own work schedules and responsibilities, they may find little time for the family and neglect to recognize what their teen is doing. This lack of attention can be very upsetting. In my experience, teens sometimes act out to gain attention, even if it’s negative.
3. Your teen may be experiencing peer pressure. Teenagers find it extremely important to belong to a group of friends who appreciate and respect them. More of their time and attention is given to friends than to parents, which is why it is important to know who their friends are and what type of behavior they have. If friends are joining in destructive behaviorsuch as consuming alcohol, participating in drug use or sexual activities, your teen may feel pressured to do the same.
4. Teens are experiencing hormonal changes. Their bodies are undergoing many physical and hormonal changes. These hormonal fluctuations often lead to mood swings, which can be rapid and lead to wild variations in emotional responses.
How can you manage the behavior of your rebellious teen?
1. Practice an honest form of communication with your teen. Teen stress is real. This time in a teenager’s life can be upsetting for everyone and you may find that you do not have the patience to keep calm. Be honest with your teen and take the time to listen to their concerns. Keeping an open line of communication is imperative for both teen and parent.
2. Develop a set of rules with well understood consequences. Make certain that your teenager knows the boundaries. Explain that as a parent, your first priority is your teen’s safety and that it is very stressful for you, the parent, if you do not know where they are or why they are late for curfew. If you do modify household rules, I personally think you should include your teen’s input for both the modification and for the consequence that will be enforced if rules are broken. A rebellious teen might be somewhat more cooperative if she is an owner of the rules and consequences.
3. Encourage individual accomplishments. Never compare yourself with your teen or other siblings with your teen. If your teen is a younger sibling, they may believe they are not as smart or talented as their older siblings. Self-esteem is crucial to foster during these stressful teenage years. Each child is unique; make certain that your teen is aware of their talents, abilities and intellectual capabilities.
4. Show respect. You were once a teenager. Showing respect for your teen’s individual accomplishments, honesty and self-reliance will help your teen develop into a mature adult who is capable of making realistic and responsible decisions.
As your teens navigate through these stressful years, let them know that you will love them, no matter what happens, and that it is okay to make mistakes. The most important thing for a parent is to have the time to be available when your teen needs to talk, and to be supportive. Cyber bullying, peer pressure, making college decisions, and making new friends can be difficult, but having a supportive parent helps manage the stress and keeps the family members sane.