A Modest Proposal By Graham Swift

The British author Graham Swift wrote, “You may have your suspicions, your fears, you may even believe there is something, somewhere, terribly, drastically wrong, but because someone else is in charge, because there is a part of the system above you don’t know, you don’t question it, you even distrust your own doubts” (Shuttlecock, 1981). Children can play on your heartstrings, and as a parent, you must have an open heart and mind that things are not always what they seem. It was when my son got terribly ill, that my fears of self-doubt and trust in myself were realized. When faced with something so terrifying as a sick child, I learned that parents make mistakes, that you must trust your instincts, and you must believe that those with greater
It wasn’t until Friday morning that I noticed a big change. His feet were turned inward and he struggled to make it downstairs. I then decided to trust my maternal instincts, and we headed to the doctor. By the time we got there Andrew was running a fever. His doctor looked confused, baffled by how a hip injury could be causing a fever. His reflexes were weak; and he stumbled when he walked. His doctor suggested we see an Orthopedic specialist. The orthopedist took x-rays, checked his vitals, and had Andrew do a series of exercises. It was painful to watch. The diagnosis was a growth plate injury to his right hip. Like the pediatrician, he too was concerned about the fever and ordered an MRI for the following Monday. He wanted to be certain there were no underlying infections, or fractures, not seen in the initial x-ray. We walked out together, crutches underneath his arms, and went home confident that that I had made the right decision and trusted my instincts, now I needed to trust the
Then came Sunday. Andrew woke up with a terrible headache and told me that his tongue and fingers were numb. I went numb. He said he felt like his body was shaking and he looked pale. There was no visible evidence of him shaking, but I was gravely concerned. Was he having a stroke? What was happening? I told my husband I was taking him to the ER, and once I described his symptoms to the nurse, they saw him right away. I gave the doctor a brief rundown on what had transpired that past week. He was very concerned about the numbness in his hands and tongue, but said that this hospital was not equipped to treat him. He told me to go home, get my husband, and bring him to the Children’s hospital in Atlanta. As we raced down the highway, there was that moment that will be etched in my mind forever. With my husband driving, and Andrew beside him in the front seat, he said, “look Mom, see what I mean?” He held his hand out to show me it was shaking, but it wasn’t, as far as I could tell. My husband and I glanced at one another puzzled, and then it happened. My son’s entire body started shaking violently. I lunged forward from behind his seat to grab him, in fear he’d hit his head on the dashboard. He was having a full-blown seizure. The tears ran down my face, and I yelled to my husband to hurry. It was all over in about 60 seconds, and then he was fine again, as if