Burro Monologue

INTRODUCTION

Most of our love belongs to a man or woman, but on occasion we develop relationships with the products we use everyday. Sometimes these products are hardest to let go of.

Dearest TP,

I guess I’m chalking you up to yet another fair-weather friend. I understand you got the shit end of the stick, but leaving me high and dry without a single sheet was just barbaric. Back at the trailer it’s been a river of tears. Just regular ones. Not Taco Bell tears. I still have the last piece of you, a measly cardboard tube, in the top drawer of my nightstand. Before bed, I hold it up to my ear like a conch shell in hopes of catching the sound of your two-ply ripping on a distant shore.

I hope you find whatever it is that you are
You were so there for me after my cliff diving accident in Cabo. I promised you I would never return to coastal Mexico, but I lied. Me and the guys went this past weekend for Hulk Hogan’s Birthday Bash and things happened. Luckily this time I wasn't in a coma for long and I came too just as they finished shaving me. I thought I would see you there saving me a seat, but you never showed. Pepito, my burro has been a huge help through all of this. He’s patient, courteous, and has this remarkable stoicism that me feel like a prophet delivering divine news or even a spice trader scouring foreign lands. If you ever want to grab a drink, I moved across the way to a building that’s more