Daddoo Monologue
Daddoo Remember growing up not knowing exactly what your dad does for a living or not being able to explain it to anyone? You just know that we live in this huge house and he always wears a suit. Well I remember that because it’s my life right now. Why is it that I can hear it over and over again what my father does for a living but I can never understand it? Am I dumb?! Or is it just a bunch of mumbo jumbo? All my friends think he’s in the mafia because he wears pin stripe and black suits and carries a firearm and also is ripped out. I’ve decided that I need to figure this out because if he’s in the mob, well that would be kind of cool and if he’s not I’ll still tell my friends he is so no one will ever mess with me. My dad’s name
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is Bart and he “says” he works in selling medical software to hospitals around the country. Do I believe this? No. He’s totally in the mob. He travels 2-4 days out of the week so mom is in charge when he’s gone. Poor mom, everything tends to break when he’s working out of town and she’s left with these two kids who are little turds. This week he’s leaving for Chicago at 7 a.m. to catch a 9 o’clock flight. One way or another I’m going on this trip with him. As he’s saying goodbye to mom I jump in the back of his Escalade (oh yeah, he drives a blacked out Cadillac Escalade on dubs, whatever that means) and as we’re driving I try not to make a noise. We get to the airport and I’m frantic because I didn’t actually think I’d get this far! Well crap. He opens the back to see me there smiling all cuddled up in the corner trying to act invisible.
“What the heck are you doing?!” Dad said. “Why aren’t you on your way to school?!” “You’re in big trouble. Get up here and explain yourself.” I get in the passenger seat and we drive off and he’s taking me to school.
“Dad, are you in the mob?” I say. “Everyone always asks me that and I just need to know the truth, Dad. Trust me, I won’t tell anyone if you are.”
“Madi, you know what I do for a living. I’m not in the mob.” He says. Even though he reassured me the whole way to school, I’m not convinced. He’s way too cool to not be just a medical records salesman. Oh well, guess I’ll never know. Well, that’s what I thought. I never had expected to actually find anything out but I was just curious and since my curiosity was not fulfilled, I continued my investigation into ‘ol pops. I get dropped off at school and I’m walking in late and dreary, upset that nothing came of my first high stakes investigation. I knew I needed to take it to the next level and be smarter about things if I was ever going to find anything out. School is over and mom picks my brother and I up and we are driving home. I ask mom if I’m still in trouble over what happened this morning and being that she is not really the “enforcer” of punishment, she smiles and says “Nooo you’re not in any trouble. You just can’t do anything silly like that again.”
“When dad has work, you need to let him work, honey.” Mom says. I nod and answer her that I understand and won’t do it again. I don’t like lying to my mom because she’s so sweet and understanding but I really needed to know stuff. A few hours after we get home, dad shows up. What? I thought he was going to Chicago? Apparently, that “job” got canceled because it was already taken care of by his associates in Illinois. “Taken care of?” “Associates?” Hmm, something smells fishy here. Mom cooks us hamburger helper for dinner (fan favorite in this household) and as we’re at the table shoveling it in, dad get’s a call and says he has to take it and excuses himself from the table. I obviously need to hear this call because it sounded important so I excuse myself to the restroom and secretly follow dad into the bedroom where he’s sitting on the sofa talking on the phone.
“So everything went smoothly and none of our men got hit?” He says.
“Yeah. Uhhuuhh. Sure. Yes. I got it.” Dad says as he hangs up the phone. I scurry back to the dinner table before dad notices me and we all finish dinner like everything was normal. I decided it was time to let my brother, Cooper, in on my investigation. Turns out he’s had the same suspicions too. Now I had a partner in crime who would help me find out who my dad really is. Late that night, my brother and I sneak down into his office to see if we could find any evidence. After looking at and scanning all the paperwork, we come up empty. That’s when we got the bright idea to try to unlock his safe, thinking that surely there’s something in there that might be extra juicy. First we tried mom’s birth date, then mine, then my brother’s. Sure enough I found out right then and there who the favorite child was, my brother’s birth date was the code on the safe. Talk about a let down! We open it and find an envelope that said CONFIDENTIAL. To us that means nothing. We open it and it’s telling my dad to assassinate this guy and report back and destroy this paperwork. WHAT?! Man, I thought my dad was in the Mob. Turns out he’s JUST an assassin for the CIA. Totally not as cool as being in the mob because I can’t tell all my friends about this?! Isn’t the CIA supposed to be completely secret? I wonder if my mom knows?! I’m pretty sure she does because there’s no way dad could get away with her not figuring this out for all these years. Well, we obviously couldn’t sleep the rest of the night and lucky for us it was Saturday and we didn’t have school to go to. At 8 o’clock we decide it’s a good time to wake up mom and dad and tell them we know their secret and that they do not need to hide it anymore. We also are going to see if dad would let us help in some of his work? Long shot but it was worth a try. We run and jump on the bed and we tackle dad. “Hey guys!
Good morning!” Dad says “Anyone hungry for some breakfast?!” Mom says with a smile. “No! We’ve got some questions that we need to have answered before any pancakes are made.” Cooper says. “Yeah! Dad we know you’re in the CIA. Now tell us everything and tell us how we can get started in it with you!” I shout. “Uhhhh, well you got me. I knew you would figure this out sooner or later. Your mom and I work for the CIA and it’s completely undercover, no one knows, and no one can know. You hear me?” Dad says. “Wait! MOM is in the CIA tooooo?!! This is so cool! I wish I could tell me friends but you guys would probably have to kill me, huh?” I say. Dad smiles and laughs, “We’d have to move. We’ll never hurt you guys. You two are the reason why we’ve slowed down over the years.” “What do you mean, dad? You’re always gone “working”.” “Guys, I’ve never lied to you, I am a salesman too.” “I work for the CIA only about once a month.” “Your mom and I before you guys were doing work every week for the CIA.” Dad said. Talk about mind=blown. We were stunned, happy, and confused all at the same time. They said we couldn’t work for the CIA until we’re 18 but dad would train with us every night that he’s home and get us
ready. Some kids are excited to turn 18 so they could decide if they wanted to smoke or not or to go to some clubs, we’re excited to turn 18 so we could join the CIA. Oh, and please don’t tell anyone. This paper is for your eyes only. (That’s a phrase people in the CIA use)
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is Bart and he “says” he works in selling medical software to hospitals around the country. Do I believe this? No. He’s totally in the mob. He travels 2-4 days out of the week so mom is in charge when he’s gone. Poor mom, everything tends to break when he’s working out of town and she’s left with these two kids who are little turds. This week he’s leaving for Chicago at 7 a.m. to catch a 9 o’clock flight. One way or another I’m going on this trip with him. As he’s saying goodbye to mom I jump in the back of his Escalade (oh yeah, he drives a blacked out Cadillac Escalade on dubs, whatever that means) and as we’re driving I try not to make a noise. We get to the airport and I’m frantic because I didn’t actually think I’d get this far! Well crap. He opens the back to see me there smiling all cuddled up in the corner trying to act invisible.
“What the heck are you doing?!” Dad said. “Why aren’t you on your way to school?!” “You’re in big trouble. Get up here and explain yourself.” I get in the passenger seat and we drive off and he’s taking me to school.
“Dad, are you in the mob?” I say. “Everyone always asks me that and I just need to know the truth, Dad. Trust me, I won’t tell anyone if you are.”
“Madi, you know what I do for a living. I’m not in the mob.” He says. Even though he reassured me the whole way to school, I’m not convinced. He’s way too cool to not be just a medical records salesman. Oh well, guess I’ll never know. Well, that’s what I thought. I never had expected to actually find anything out but I was just curious and since my curiosity was not fulfilled, I continued my investigation into ‘ol pops. I get dropped off at school and I’m walking in late and dreary, upset that nothing came of my first high stakes investigation. I knew I needed to take it to the next level and be smarter about things if I was ever going to find anything out. School is over and mom picks my brother and I up and we are driving home. I ask mom if I’m still in trouble over what happened this morning and being that she is not really the “enforcer” of punishment, she smiles and says “Nooo you’re not in any trouble. You just can’t do anything silly like that again.”
“When dad has work, you need to let him work, honey.” Mom says. I nod and answer her that I understand and won’t do it again. I don’t like lying to my mom because she’s so sweet and understanding but I really needed to know stuff. A few hours after we get home, dad shows up. What? I thought he was going to Chicago? Apparently, that “job” got canceled because it was already taken care of by his associates in Illinois. “Taken care of?” “Associates?” Hmm, something smells fishy here. Mom cooks us hamburger helper for dinner (fan favorite in this household) and as we’re at the table shoveling it in, dad get’s a call and says he has to take it and excuses himself from the table. I obviously need to hear this call because it sounded important so I excuse myself to the restroom and secretly follow dad into the bedroom where he’s sitting on the sofa talking on the phone.
“So everything went smoothly and none of our men got hit?” He says.
“Yeah. Uhhuuhh. Sure. Yes. I got it.” Dad says as he hangs up the phone. I scurry back to the dinner table before dad notices me and we all finish dinner like everything was normal. I decided it was time to let my brother, Cooper, in on my investigation. Turns out he’s had the same suspicions too. Now I had a partner in crime who would help me find out who my dad really is. Late that night, my brother and I sneak down into his office to see if we could find any evidence. After looking at and scanning all the paperwork, we come up empty. That’s when we got the bright idea to try to unlock his safe, thinking that surely there’s something in there that might be extra juicy. First we tried mom’s birth date, then mine, then my brother’s. Sure enough I found out right then and there who the favorite child was, my brother’s birth date was the code on the safe. Talk about a let down! We open it and find an envelope that said CONFIDENTIAL. To us that means nothing. We open it and it’s telling my dad to assassinate this guy and report back and destroy this paperwork. WHAT?! Man, I thought my dad was in the Mob. Turns out he’s JUST an assassin for the CIA. Totally not as cool as being in the mob because I can’t tell all my friends about this?! Isn’t the CIA supposed to be completely secret? I wonder if my mom knows?! I’m pretty sure she does because there’s no way dad could get away with her not figuring this out for all these years. Well, we obviously couldn’t sleep the rest of the night and lucky for us it was Saturday and we didn’t have school to go to. At 8 o’clock we decide it’s a good time to wake up mom and dad and tell them we know their secret and that they do not need to hide it anymore. We also are going to see if dad would let us help in some of his work? Long shot but it was worth a try. We run and jump on the bed and we tackle dad. “Hey guys!
Good morning!” Dad says “Anyone hungry for some breakfast?!” Mom says with a smile. “No! We’ve got some questions that we need to have answered before any pancakes are made.” Cooper says. “Yeah! Dad we know you’re in the CIA. Now tell us everything and tell us how we can get started in it with you!” I shout. “Uhhhh, well you got me. I knew you would figure this out sooner or later. Your mom and I work for the CIA and it’s completely undercover, no one knows, and no one can know. You hear me?” Dad says. “Wait! MOM is in the CIA tooooo?!! This is so cool! I wish I could tell me friends but you guys would probably have to kill me, huh?” I say. Dad smiles and laughs, “We’d have to move. We’ll never hurt you guys. You two are the reason why we’ve slowed down over the years.” “What do you mean, dad? You’re always gone “working”.” “Guys, I’ve never lied to you, I am a salesman too.” “I work for the CIA only about once a month.” “Your mom and I before you guys were doing work every week for the CIA.” Dad said. Talk about mind=blown. We were stunned, happy, and confused all at the same time. They said we couldn’t work for the CIA until we’re 18 but dad would train with us every night that he’s home and get us
ready. Some kids are excited to turn 18 so they could decide if they wanted to smoke or not or to go to some clubs, we’re excited to turn 18 so we could join the CIA. Oh, and please don’t tell anyone. This paper is for your eyes only. (That’s a phrase people in the CIA use)
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