Hey Kid Monologue
Hey Kid
If you are reading this, it means that I am dead. I am sorry it had to be like this, but there was no other way. I know that you will be shocked, but please, do not judge me for this. The reason I am doing this is that I cannot live with all this guilt anymore. Not after having learned pretty much everything that the poor people in the concentration camps suffered at the hands of the Nazis. My hands are forever stained. Not even decades of time in prison can wash the blood of the innocent away, nor silence the screams of the women in the church. I have heard them every night in my dreams. They won’t leave me alone, no matter what I do. That’s why I have chosen to end it all. I do not think that I should be released after all that I …show more content…
have done, or left undone. Because of me, so many lost their loved ones and that is something I can never repay. Kid, I’m sure that you will think that “No, it is not like that, you have served your sentence” while reading this. But I do not feel that way. I hope you could understand.
I am also sorry for everything you had to suffer because of me, Kid.
I knew that our relationship when you were just a boy was very, very immoral and wrong. But I was selfish. I saw something in you, in those young eyes of yours, that made me want you more and more, and soon, I was in love with you. And I knew that you were deeply in love with me. I knew that our relationship could never be like relationships of others, people who are more or less the same age. We were of two very different generations, you and me. I belonged to the silent ones, who in fear did not know how to resist the horrible, bad things that the Nazis did. It was only natural, we did not know that it was wrong. But you, on the other hand, belong to the generation that came after us. The generation which questioned the previous generation, and showed it the error of its ways. I am grateful for that. I always knew that you were are smart kid, even though you missed a lot of lessons because of me. But the fact that we were doomed to be apart made me horribly sad. There was and still is a great gap between us, between my generation and yours. I tried to ignore it, but deep inside I always knew we weren’t going to last. And because I was selfish, and weak, I did not even have the decency to say goodbye to you. That time at the pool, you remember? I wanted to embrace you and tell you everything, but my legs would not move and my tongue felt as if it was frozen in place. So I just left. I know that it must
have been heart-breaking for you. I never intended to hurt you, Kid. Not even that one time when you wanted to surprise me with breakfast. Now that I think of it, it was so sweet of you, almost romantic. But I was so embarrassed of not being able to read. I couldn’t even tell that to you. How did you endure all that? Why did you still stay with me? You could have left. Most grown men would have left after such an idiotic thing. Maybe it was because you were just a kid, after all. Did you know any better? Or were you too in love with me to see my faults? Anyways, I want to say that I am sorry for that, Kid.
When I saw you in that courtroom, I was shocked. I knew that now you would know all the horrible things I had done. I think you knew also that I couldn’t read, didn’t you? I would not be surprised if you did figure it out. You were a smart kid. I was sure that after learning the truth you would start to hate me, to think that I was a disgusting being. It is true, though. I have done so many horrible things in my life. But still, after all that, you sent me a tape when I was here, in prison, serving my time. I immediately recognised your voice, how you put your soul into the story you were reading. You gave me hope and comfort in those days. It was you who made me want to learn to read. It is all thanks to you.
But just like Odysseus comes back home to his wife, just to find out that everything has changed, so did our situation. When you visited me, I saw how you reacted to seeing me. I had grown old. I was no longer the same person you had fallen in love with as a teenage boy. And I realised, that no matter how much I wanted things to become like they used to be, it would never happen. That’s why I am saying my goodbyes now. Hope we see again, some day.
Farewell, Kid.
Hanna
P.S. I have some money in the lavender tea caddy. Send it, along with the 7,000 marks in the bank, to the daughter who survived the fire in the church.
If you are reading this, it means that I am dead. I am sorry it had to be like this, but there was no other way. I know that you will be shocked, but please, do not judge me for this. The reason I am doing this is that I cannot live with all this guilt anymore. Not after having learned pretty much everything that the poor people in the concentration camps suffered at the hands of the Nazis. My hands are forever stained. Not even decades of time in prison can wash the blood of the innocent away, nor silence the screams of the women in the church. I have heard them every night in my dreams. They won’t leave me alone, no matter what I do. That’s why I have chosen to end it all. I do not think that I should be released after all that I …show more content…
have done, or left undone. Because of me, so many lost their loved ones and that is something I can never repay. Kid, I’m sure that you will think that “No, it is not like that, you have served your sentence” while reading this. But I do not feel that way. I hope you could understand.
I am also sorry for everything you had to suffer because of me, Kid.
I knew that our relationship when you were just a boy was very, very immoral and wrong. But I was selfish. I saw something in you, in those young eyes of yours, that made me want you more and more, and soon, I was in love with you. And I knew that you were deeply in love with me. I knew that our relationship could never be like relationships of others, people who are more or less the same age. We were of two very different generations, you and me. I belonged to the silent ones, who in fear did not know how to resist the horrible, bad things that the Nazis did. It was only natural, we did not know that it was wrong. But you, on the other hand, belong to the generation that came after us. The generation which questioned the previous generation, and showed it the error of its ways. I am grateful for that. I always knew that you were are smart kid, even though you missed a lot of lessons because of me. But the fact that we were doomed to be apart made me horribly sad. There was and still is a great gap between us, between my generation and yours. I tried to ignore it, but deep inside I always knew we weren’t going to last. And because I was selfish, and weak, I did not even have the decency to say goodbye to you. That time at the pool, you remember? I wanted to embrace you and tell you everything, but my legs would not move and my tongue felt as if it was frozen in place. So I just left. I know that it must
have been heart-breaking for you. I never intended to hurt you, Kid. Not even that one time when you wanted to surprise me with breakfast. Now that I think of it, it was so sweet of you, almost romantic. But I was so embarrassed of not being able to read. I couldn’t even tell that to you. How did you endure all that? Why did you still stay with me? You could have left. Most grown men would have left after such an idiotic thing. Maybe it was because you were just a kid, after all. Did you know any better? Or were you too in love with me to see my faults? Anyways, I want to say that I am sorry for that, Kid.
When I saw you in that courtroom, I was shocked. I knew that now you would know all the horrible things I had done. I think you knew also that I couldn’t read, didn’t you? I would not be surprised if you did figure it out. You were a smart kid. I was sure that after learning the truth you would start to hate me, to think that I was a disgusting being. It is true, though. I have done so many horrible things in my life. But still, after all that, you sent me a tape when I was here, in prison, serving my time. I immediately recognised your voice, how you put your soul into the story you were reading. You gave me hope and comfort in those days. It was you who made me want to learn to read. It is all thanks to you.
But just like Odysseus comes back home to his wife, just to find out that everything has changed, so did our situation. When you visited me, I saw how you reacted to seeing me. I had grown old. I was no longer the same person you had fallen in love with as a teenage boy. And I realised, that no matter how much I wanted things to become like they used to be, it would never happen. That’s why I am saying my goodbyes now. Hope we see again, some day.
Farewell, Kid.
Hanna
P.S. I have some money in the lavender tea caddy. Send it, along with the 7,000 marks in the bank, to the daughter who survived the fire in the church.