Family Abuse

I would like to talk about abuse with my family and myself, and how we handle what had happened to up through the years and how we may look at it in our minds. The way we think about the things that had happen to us as a family and as our self as a whole and why we ended where we are today. And how even as child I did my best to stand up to people that where doing the Abusing. I will also tell you a little bit about the abuse that went on in the family as well and how I tried to stop when I got older. When I was a child some I don’t remember my mom was yelled at, beat, and mentally abused. I can remember was that all my life I watch all the abuse growing and went I was younger I thought it was normal. The men that came in to the in our
life’s and they would say that loved her and they would not hurt but yet it never failed they always did somehow and some way. When I was growing up I could hear her cry in pain I could see the bruises and all the cut on her body all she kept saying was it was all my fault and I thought it was naturel to do but as I grew up I realized it was not. I do remember that I was about eight but it was going on before that and I felt hurt that they were hurt them self’s. When I was at young age I was forced to eat something I did not want at the time and a problem had become out of it. I cannot smell or test fish it will make me sick to my stomach and I will get sick I have tried everything to get past it but thanks to a man in my mom life it caused a bad reaction. Then at the age of nine I was raped by one of my mom boyfriends it went on for about two years before I said anything I was scared he said he would hurt and my mom and I can out and finally told my what was going while she was sleeping and trying to go in the shower while I was in there so I had to lock all the time in fear. When we took him to court and tied to get him to go away and they did was put a restraining order on and then he didn’t even have to let others know that he was a child. I felt the court and the cops had let me down and that they weren’t going to do anything to protect me because it just a piece of paper. And I felt like I had I had nowhere to run or go to be safe. They said that I agree with him doing witch I don’t think is right for an eight year old. I left my mom and went to live with my sister and I lived with her for about two years and about 1 ½ years she swore up and down that I slept with her boyfriend so she decided to beating up on me witch caused me not go to school. She did it for about a half year. I have decided that I was going to get ahold of my mom to have to come me to get me out of the abuse that was going on with my sister to stop form hurting real bad or killing me. Yet I felt let down again because I felt I had known where to turn to or run to be safe she said if I turned her in the she would find me and do it again. So I was looking over my shoulder the entire time thing she might be there for me. While I was living with my sister there was a boy I was dating and he was going to try to beat on me as well and I would not allow it at all I fought back with all I could. That is when I decided that enough was enough and I was not going to let it happen again. Well that is where I was wrong we got back to her house and that when I saw the guy that raped me at this time we had not went all the way through with court stuff his was the point that I stood up and told what had happen finally. He raised his hand to my mom and I had decided that I would stand between him and her and then I dared him to hit I was going to call the cops he needed to leaved and never come back. At this point I was 14 and I decided to start standing for people that needed the help that could not do it there self’s. Then at this time I thought I struck gold by get a boy who went church and knew what he needed and want to do with his life. But thing’s started going downhill towards the end and he meet me at bus stop and raised his hand to a lot of people saw and said that they would say something but instead of punishing him his family stuck up for him and also when I went to church the next Sunday after this had happen I got pointed out and blamed for it all. So yet again everything is downhill and fell like nothing and knows where to go or to turn without being looked down at. Then I finally got a break and thought that I got with a guy that was great but then things started going downhill fast he mom would barge in and yell and scream am me and all my husband could say at the time was she stressed and my reply would be she does not have to take it out on me.
Then he dad called and said that he needed to talk to me and I did not think anything of so I went over there to see what he wanted and come to find out he want me so he raped me and my oldest walk in on it I tried to stop and I just could not. After there next his mom came over and kept saying I touched my baby and kept say no I did not then finally I told her after her putting her hands around my neck to chock me and then me doing the same thing to that her husband raped me and my baby girl saw it. After that my ex-husband and I fought all the time because his thought she knew better and then what does he do he moves us right next door to them now yet again scared nowhere to run can’t get away and no one to talk to witch made it hard. She would barge in yelling and screaming in my own house like it was her own and he would do nothing about so I left to where I feel better and safe. Well I told some of what happen to me and how I felt it just always seemed like there was no one to help me at the people. So that I thought would help and make me feel safe did not do that so please remember that there is always out; and someone to help you. This are why I am not married to him no more now and
I am away from them and all the abuse. Now I am married to a wound full person and loving there is no abuse and all those feelings of having known one or anyone to run too are gone and I feel like I am home. Sometimes it might take a while but there are good people out there and some of them are willing to help get you out of what you are in.