Find coaching in critism

In the article Find the coaching in criticism, Heen and Stone propose that the main reason why it can be difficult receiving feedback from others stems from the “tension between two core human needs—the need to learn and grow, and the need to be accepted just the way you are” (2, Heen and Stone). That is to say, although one might see the importance of bettering oneself through taking in criticism, it risks offsetting the balance of staying true to one’s beliefs and values. Like many others, I face the problem of striking a balance between the two. On a more personal level, I feel that it is also difficult to receive feedback from others because it might make me look weak or incompetent in front of my peers or when I am leading a team. It is starkly different from how someone might think that he or she is the most capable out of the group, but being too headstrong in recognizing that you are at the losing end even though you also understand that everyone has their own shortcomings and that no one is perfect. In short, I think it is hard to receive criticism simply because it exposes your weaknesses to everyone in the group (of which in certain scenarios you would be trying hard to command respect).

Out of the 6 steps recommended by Heen and Stone, I feel that to disentangle yourself from the relationship trigger, sort towards coaching and analyze the feedback would be the most helpful. Firstly, disentangling the feedback from the person who said it would be the most direct in solving my difficulties i receiving feedback. This is because I would thus be less tied down by the potential opinions from my surroundings if I were to accept a criticism and admit my weaknesses. I would also be able to view my shortcomings from a more objective point of view. Next, sort towards coaching would also work to help me lower my defensiveness on criticisms made such that “the suggestion (would become) less emotionally loaded” (3, Heen and Stone). This would also mean to take