I Love Monologue

This morning I do not know which way to go. My mind is full of questions. There was something of concern; this was wrong that was wrong, everybody wanted something from me. How was it possible to keep from crying in this imperfect world? My hear hurts so much. I am so tired of trying to make it on my own. I knew that God was here somewhere, but where. Was he hiding from me? Why could he not love me? I have seen so many others that I would think that have been less fortunate than I am in doing your will but they have been blessed with so much. Nevertheless, every day troubles pressed from every side. I love you and always will but please can you just love me too. I want to believe that you do love me but why I am struggling all the
Bearing all of those burdens on your shoulder, Traveling down that long long road, knowing that those burdens were heavy, you stilled carried that cross. I image you taking one step at a time sometimes even falling because those burdens were so heavy but getting back up because you were determined to make a way for me. Every time I picture you headed to that old rugged cross, that picture in itself tells me to hold on just a little while longer because you will be there. Hold on, no matter what comes my way because you are there. Even though I know that I feel alone and I feel that you are not there, I keep looking back at the cross. Never mind, I tell myself it is going to be okay, it is going to be okay. My God is here. Therefore, I keep holding knowing that if I could just make it to t that old rugged cross, I will find my way back home. I try to forget about the pain of doing everything by myself. About wanting to stop and just breathe. I just wanted to smile for a little while, or even laugh a little. I try to forget that it seems like no one care for me or that all other peo0ple want is to use you. I try to forget about the pain of the world today. Everybody says that everything is beautiful but that is a lie. They all suffer just as I do. It is just that I feel that my suffering is personal
I know that no matter, how much I want to give up. I mean I feel that I have tried and tried but no one seems to understand. The solitude of emptiness that slaps me in the face keeps me wishing for something that I did not have. How is it that God cannot, even love someone as intelligent as me? At least those are the thoughts that kept going through my mind. Although, blessed with many gifts, I never had an opportunity to exploit them to bless God’s people or to raise capital so that I may have a better life. What is wrong? I am tired. I do not want to keep trying. I know that although no one loves me, there are so many that depend on me so I try to hold on and keep the faith. Nevertheless, no one seems to care about me. Is there a possibility that someone will care about me. Will anyone ever love me? I am tired of the bills. I tire of trying to make ends meet. It feels like I have been working my butt off for so many years and now I am just tired. I mean I want some help. I want to be able to rest. I want to enjoy life for just a little bit. I know that I have made so many mistakes in my life but is not that what humans do. I just cannot. I cannot. Wait please wait. Yes, I can. I just need to find my way back to that old rugged cross. If I can find my way to that place where Christ