Kill One Bird With Two Stone Krieger Book Report

Kill One Bird With Two Stones - Fiction

Krieger Reich was an old duck who hunted alone in the rye and he’d gone 93 days now without killing a single human. At the end of last year’s human hunting season Krieger had hunted and beaked four humans, displaying their heads upon his mantel piece for all of his friends to look at and admire. During last week’s poker game Jules Reich pointed to the head that was the centerpiece of Krieger’s trophies and proclaimed, “I’ve never seen a human with gold in its teeth before, and the moustache, it’s so full and bushy. What type of human do you hunt?”
Krieger woke early the next morning. Though his bill was already quite sharp, Krieger took a small knife to it, humming Beethoven’s Symphony 9 as he ran the blade from the base of his bill to the tip.
It was dark in the Rye when Krieger arrived and he took a lazy lap around the hunting ground. As he swooped and dove and rolled he thought of the delicious meals he would make next week. Rotisserie human with Hoisin Baste, human breast with clementine’s and Tuscan Kale, roasted human legs in a red wine sauce. Krieger’s first prey was a human with a round chin. In one hand the human carried a gun and in the other he
held his offspring. Krieger took aim at the throat of the man, careful not to harm the child. It was considered poor form to kill a human who’d not yet reached sexual maturity.
Krieger’s wife arrived home late that night, “Krieger, what is that delicious smell?” she asked him, “I’ve just been with the Jensen’s. The pair of them have gone quite insane in their old age. Did you know the found a child in the Rye and took it home? They’ve a child pet! Can you imagine the monstrosity that child will grow into in just a few years?”

A Nation in Mourning - Fiction

Edward Strauss cheated on the eye exam that was the last prerequisite for him to graduate from the United States Army Sniper School 197th Infantry Brigade. After receiving a 20/20 on his vision test Edward was assigned protection detail to Vice President, Joe Bidden.
The morning of his first assignment Edward ate a healthy breakfast of oatmeal while squinting at the black and white television that rested on a small end table on the other side of the kitchen table. When Edward arrived at the White House Vice President Joe Bidden greeted him warmly. “Call me Joe,” the Vice President smiled at Edward. “We are going to take Champ on a nice walk around Pennsylvania Ave.”
“Yes Sir.” Edward shook Joe’s hand before falling into pace approximately 20 yards behind the Vice President and his Poodle.
Joe and Champ walked at a vigorous pace down 18th street towards downtown D.C. About every 15 paces Joe would pause to say hello to a pedestrian or pose for a photo with an overly stimulated family of tourists. During these interactions Edward would bring his weapon to his eye and focus on the women and children who approached Biden and his dog, ready to squeeze the trigger at any sign of danger. Joe was shaking the hand of a small child when a large Rottweiler approached Biden and began to growl at Champ who stood protectively before his owner. Edward took aim at the Rottweiler, sensing the animal’s menace, he pulled the trigger of his M24
rifle.
The next morning Edward sat in his kitchen squinting at his black and white television, the newscaster on channel 4 read, “Nearsighted sniper shoots Vice President’s dog dead. Nation Mourns.”

A Fish Called Helga- Fiction Because the rain stopped falling Fredrick was sitting at the end of Halmstad pier with a fishing pole propped under his left thigh. Fredrick didn’t care too much for fishing. Whenever Fredrick sat on the pier, he couldn’t help but wish that the fish would leave him alone. Even though it was warm outside there wasn’t anybody milling around. There wasn’t anybody on the beach either. Not a single person saw the fish that caught hold of Fredrick’s bait, yanking his arms and torso with such vigor that Fredrick lost his balance. If Fredrick could see, he might have been embarrassed by the delicacy of the splash his body made before he was pulled to the bottom of the ocean. Fredrick awoke in a glass bowl approximately four times his height. The bowl was turned upside down and the sand Fredrick stood on was dry. A large fish swam in circles around the perimeter of Fredrick’s bowl. The fish had a yellow fin that did not compliment its purple body. Fredrick considered telling the fish this, but he thought it rude. The fish introduced herself as Helga. Helga spoke to Fredrick as though he was a child. She cooed to him, “You’re a very pretty human.” Helga told him, “I’m going to take very good care of you.” Twice a day Helga fed Fredrick seaweed and other plant matter. “Are you very lonely?” She asked him. Fredrick never responded to Helga, he hardly ever moved from where he lay on the ocean floor. On the fourth week of his imprisonment, Helga spoke to Fredrick, “I have been racking my mind of a way to cheer you up.” She told him, “Little human, I am going to the surface to find you a mate.”