Orlando Shooting Narrative

On the morning of June 16, I went to a memorial for the 49 victims who died in the Orlando shooting on June 13, 2016. I remember thinking that I could pull myself together, and that I should go and look at all the things people did for those victims. I remember thinking that I would be able to pull myself together for the twenty to thirty minutes it would take to walk around and allow my sister and mother to lay down their notes. I remember thinking that I would be fine, wouldn't let tears slip, even when I couldn't write a note because I knew if it were addressed to those who lost anything that early morning, I wouldn't last half a sentence before tears overthrew my thoughts. I remember telling my mother I could handle it. I remember thinking
I remember she had started off in Spanish, words slowly becoming faster and slightly louder, still only meant for the man by her side, then she allowed four words ring out in loud, clear English “This needs to stop.” I remember thinking the exact thing at that moment. I remember that at that point I was already losing the battle to oncoming tears. I remember officially losing the battle when I saw that the American flag had the names of all of the killed victims written on the stripes. I remember trying to wipe the tears away with the back of my hand, and not letting noise escape my mouth. I remember how slowly I walked, not because I wanted to, but because I physically couldn't walk at my normal speed. I remember seeing a pony and my mum making a comment on it, and while she laughed I tried not to, knowing that I wouldn't be able to control the tears if I did. I remember seeing two mothers with young children walk up next to me. I remember thinking about nothing, my mind blank for seemingly the first time in my life. I remember trying to stand tall, and look like a good role model for the toddlers a mere three feet
I will remember that day as the day that I will use as an example of why the world needs to change. I remember that day as the moment I can remember to allow myself to cry. I will remember that day as the day I realized what the world had become. I will remember that day as the day I became angry at the world for allowing someone to do something of that sort. I will remember that day as the day I realized how hurt others must feel if I couldn't even hold myself together. I will remember that day as the day I took no pictures and didn’t write about my experience immediately after. I will remember that as the day that I took the harshness of reality in, and realized how much I yearned to change it. I will remember that day as the day that I felt more helpless than ever before. I will remember that day as the day that I sat in an empty car for ten minutes trying to control myself. I will remember that day as the day I will never forget. I will remember that day as the day that broke me, in order to make me. I will remember that day as the start of the story I will tell others when they ask why I am doing what I am doing. I will remember that day as the second most memorable day of my life, the second most emotionally painful day of my life. I will remember that day as the day I decided I will not let the world become worse than it is. I will remember that day