Personal Conflict Style Analysis

The scores that I calculated on the “Measuring Your Conflict Style” assessment tool confirmed my beliefs about my personal conflict style. I completed the tool reflecting my relationship with my ex-husband and then for the less personal relationship I chose a former manager at work. In the first case my scores were avoiding 9, dominating 25, compromising 6, obliging 8, and integrating 12. The second set of scores reflecting my relationship with my former boss were avoiding 10, dominating 20, compromising 13, obliging 14, and integrating 16.
In my relationship with my ex-husband, I felt overpowered and controlled constantly. I developed a conflict style that focused on the need to dominate conflictual situations so that I felt heard. I felt compromise was impossible and had very little desire to oblige him to meet his needs. My scores reveal a different relationship with my former manager in that I was in a situation where I needed to achieve more of a balance with our employer/employee status, however, my scores were still proportional to my first scores. My style remained consistent in both personal and less personal situations just in a “toned down version” necessary for a work environment.
While it may be more personally comfortable to maintain the same conflict style across various relationships, it is both necessary and beneficial to have different conflict styles in personal versus less personal situations.
As Hocker and Wilmont posit “having a choice of styles will enhance your chances for productive conflict” (p.145). Unfortunately, in my case continually returning to a dominating style inevitably set up each of these situations as a win-lose
conflicts.

Since both of the situations I compared took place around ten years ago, I also completed the assessment tool using my current relationship with my husband. We have been married for seven years and are raising four children (two with special needs). He is overall a soft-spoken man and his conflict style tends to be a blend of obligating and integrating. As I expected the scores of this assessment reflected how my conflict style has changed over time and how my “conflict tactics and styles are based on their view of the others intent and actions” (Hocker and Wilmot, 2014, p.181). My conflict style still leans towards dominating but with a lower score of 17 instead of 25 with my ex-husband. My scores for compromising 13, obliging 14, and integrating16, were significantly higher with my current husband as well. These differences illustrate that not only can styles differ in more and less personal situations but that styles can differ within different personal relationships. Additionally conflict styles may be somewhat consistent during an individual’s lifetime however it is possible to develop more productive communication skills.