Summary Of How To Talk To Children About Divorce By Suzanne Gelb
In the article by Suzanne Gelb, “How to talk to children about divorce,” Gelb uses her expertise to teach parents going through divorce how to approach their children about the topic. Gelb also gives examples of how children of various ages can understand the concept of divorce. In addition, She presses upon verbal reinforcement and emotional (closeness) reinforcement to a child. Gelb seems very knowledgeable in divorce. As a person who has witness many divorces and this writer’s parents are still going through a divorce. Divorce is a rough topic to talk about. Divorce is like a disease never spoken, but seen. While, it is seen, it causes much chaos and destruction in its’ wake. Divorce is never easy to speak to children about. Divorce and
death of a family member are pretty close proximity within each other, as far as the worst events that a child can experience. If a child is like ages 0-3, explaining divorce to them wouldn’t seem to be too hard. Then again, that child will remember certain events, depending on the age. If the child is 3 she/he will remember a time when mommy and daddy were together, but it won’t be as prevalent, as opposed to a child that’s 3-6. Ages 3-6 is a time that your memory is in better working order, and your long term memory is much better (for the average person that is). The way Gelb sets up her paper is in chronological order. She starts with toddlers (0-3), then young children (3-6), after that is older children (6-12), fourthly is teenagers (13-17), and lastly grown-up children (18+). Gelb’s advice gets more complicating as the age groups progress further ahead. Gelb also gives detailed instructions on how to approach a child going through a divorce. She says to “keep it factual, present a unified front (both parents together ‘unity’), encourage the child to say how he/she feels, explains that some things are changing, but others will never change, and try to explain that divorce is best for the family as a whole”(2). Honestly, keeping the details of a divorce factual is the best idea, never lie to a kid, you will most assuredly lose their trust altogether. “Presenting a unified front,” shows that even if a child’s parents won’t be “together”, they will always be there for their child. In addition, asking what the child thinks about said divorce is the best way to gauge how the child going to handle it, whether this reaction is going to be psychological or even physical. Obviously, if someone going through a divorce, it’s going to be a gigantic change and the child needs to know the exact details of this change. In addition, an extremely important and key factor in Gelb’s paper is that she says, “actions speak louder than words.” Gelb states to parents, “While it’s important to talk to your child about your divorce, what you do is just as important as what you say.” As a child that has gone through and still is going through (legally) divorce, much truer words could not be spoken. Actions truly do speak louder than words. Anyone can say what they want, but if they don’t back up those words, then those words lose meaning. In concluding Gelb’s article is very interesting, and she brings up great points, as well as great techniques on how to explain to a child about the topic of divorce.
death of a family member are pretty close proximity within each other, as far as the worst events that a child can experience. If a child is like ages 0-3, explaining divorce to them wouldn’t seem to be too hard. Then again, that child will remember certain events, depending on the age. If the child is 3 she/he will remember a time when mommy and daddy were together, but it won’t be as prevalent, as opposed to a child that’s 3-6. Ages 3-6 is a time that your memory is in better working order, and your long term memory is much better (for the average person that is). The way Gelb sets up her paper is in chronological order. She starts with toddlers (0-3), then young children (3-6), after that is older children (6-12), fourthly is teenagers (13-17), and lastly grown-up children (18+). Gelb’s advice gets more complicating as the age groups progress further ahead. Gelb also gives detailed instructions on how to approach a child going through a divorce. She says to “keep it factual, present a unified front (both parents together ‘unity’), encourage the child to say how he/she feels, explains that some things are changing, but others will never change, and try to explain that divorce is best for the family as a whole”(2). Honestly, keeping the details of a divorce factual is the best idea, never lie to a kid, you will most assuredly lose their trust altogether. “Presenting a unified front,” shows that even if a child’s parents won’t be “together”, they will always be there for their child. In addition, asking what the child thinks about said divorce is the best way to gauge how the child going to handle it, whether this reaction is going to be psychological or even physical. Obviously, if someone going through a divorce, it’s going to be a gigantic change and the child needs to know the exact details of this change. In addition, an extremely important and key factor in Gelb’s paper is that she says, “actions speak louder than words.” Gelb states to parents, “While it’s important to talk to your child about your divorce, what you do is just as important as what you say.” As a child that has gone through and still is going through (legally) divorce, much truer words could not be spoken. Actions truly do speak louder than words. Anyone can say what they want, but if they don’t back up those words, then those words lose meaning. In concluding Gelb’s article is very interesting, and she brings up great points, as well as great techniques on how to explain to a child about the topic of divorce.