The Secret Monologue

I didn't feel like myself anymore. It was as if I transformed into someone I couldn't recognize and there was no way to escape. As a 7th grader, my life revolved around my friends, my family, school, and sports. I was very healthy and other than the occasional stomach bug, I had never seen my doctor's face fearful in regard to my well being. I never knew what it was like to be in a hospital for more than an hour for a few stitches. And I had never seen my Father's eyes tear up over the anguish my health provided him for the next couple of years, until now. Days go by like months and hours by days. Every waking moment feels like a heavyweight sits upon my anatomy, pushing me down,showing my aching body that my health is at my limit,
I sat down and she asked me the usual questions. “Any allergies?”, “Any medication?”, “Any recent hospital visits?”. And my response never failed to utter the words “no”. I was always healthy. No allergies, no asthma, nothing. Then came the question “What brings you here?”. And I told her everything that came to mind. I told her I wasn't feeling good lately. My stomach always hurt, I was throwing up at my soccer games, and other little things. Then I told them I lost weight and I was constantly drinking water and going to the bathroom. My mom didn't know about those two symptoms and when I said this, my doctor looked concerned. They then weighed me, and I had dropped 30 pounds since the last time they saw me. Of course, the worry got stronger and they had me take a urine sample. My mom and I then waited in the exam room as the doctors ran some tests. My pediatrician came in and asked me to leave the room. I was concerned since I've never been asked to leave before and it all seemed so strange. She talked to my mom for about 15 minutes and then she came out and then we left. In the car, my mom looked like she had seen a ghost. I repeatedly asked her why she made me leave the room and my mom just told me she had just talked to her about life and just how I had been doing. She also told her to bring me to Melrose-Wakefield
The store I went to was right down the street from my house and very close to the hospital in which we just left. My mom seemed off, she wasn't her regular self. She talked to me as if I was a stranger and she had to be very kind to me. I asked her what my pediatrician told her when I left. She said, “I'll tell you later don't worry”. This response made my stomach drop. I finally realized this was a lot worse than I thought. I begged her to please just tell me. She then said, “Well, she thinks you might have diabetes, but you never know you probably don't, and if you do, it is not that bad. We will get through it.”. I started crying, we were almost home, just passing through a set of lights in a four-way intersection on my street. I just figured that I probably didn't have it and we will just laugh about it at the end of the day because we had worried so much over nothing. At the same time though, I was scared out of my mind. All that went through my head was “What is diabetes?”, “Does this mean I'm fat?”, “Will I never get to eat sugar anymore?”, “What will people think of me?”, “Will I ever be myself again”, “What did I do to deserve this?”. I then thought back to labor day weekend up at my cape house. I was in one of the back houses watching t.v with my sister. A commercial came on and a guy kept saying “I don't have to prick my finger anymore!”. My sister and I just kept