Beeping Machines-Personal Narrative

It was now or never in the white room full of beeping machines surrounding me. The doctor had just told me that I was dying. My heart sunk to the ground as hard as an anchor. The ghost-like faces in the room were my parents, as they sat there more lost than ever. I now knew I had to fight not only for my life, but with myself. Remembering the sting of the tube down my throat and IV in my arm, I reluctantly moved closer to the plate. This plate full of food staring at me was now my medicine. It took every muscle in my body to pick up the forkful of peas. The gravitational pull of my fingers clinging to the fork was unbearable, as though my body was screaming for me to put it down. It has been months since I have been this close to a plate, nor picked up a fork. I closed my eyes as the tears came streaming down my cheeks and opened my quivering mouth. I moved my shaky hand towards my mouth and poured the peas over my tongue. As I swallowed, I felt every pea go down like they were slitting my throat. This was putting poison in my body, as I felt the guilt clawing at me leaving invisible scars of fear and anger behind. I
My family and friends got scared as I turned into a ghost. I was near to non-existing as my bones protruded, hair slowly fell out, body purple from being cold and bruises covering my body. I was a zombie walking trying to complete my daily tasks, but my idea of perfection starting failing as the grades dropped, family started breaking down and I started passing out. I was forced into treatment after treatment. Fighting to just get back to my “normal”, so I would what I liked to call it, “fake it through, till I get back home.” This soon failed as I was rushed to that white room attached to machines and internally screaming. Not just my family, but I too now had felt hopeless. Anorexia has taken me over giving me nothing not even that control or perfection it had promised me so long