Bernard Monologue

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to travel to a faraway village? One where deers with magical flying powers roam around playing tricks on you, big eared munchkins package wrapped boxes in various sizes, and a fluffy, 50 year old aging man laughs with a humbling, deep holly jolly. All in preparation for one day of the year. Not to mention, the traveling through the dreadful windy, flurries of snow that fall continuously over the rigidly roofs of houses all over the world. Well, look no farther as you’re about to embark on an eye opening, one time opportunity of the ever enlightening, crying with happiness North Pole!
Arriving upon the marvelous, cardinal red mansion decorated with an abundance of multicolored dangling lights, you’re
greeted by the one and only, commander in chief of the elves himself, Bernard.
He welcomes you with an airtight, rib cracking hug and a coffee cup of steaming hot, milk chocolate goodness, topped with mountains of creamy, rich, whipped cream with a pure taste almost like sticking a handful of peppermints in your mouth. Therefore, you’re all equipped and ready to kickoff this enchanting journey, leaving all the uncertainty behind. Bernard then blindfolds you and leads you onto a mystery path. Click, clank! You have no idea where you are heading other than Bernard’s constant laughter as more noises come into play. Ha, Ha! Then comes a swift movement as Bernard knocks on the door, Bang. Bang! He then unties the blindfold, you’re speechless, jaw dropped, right before you are the legendary reindeer you’ve been reading about since you were 2. Talking together in a lopsided circle like a group of gossiping high school girls, instead they’re enjoying an intense game of Christmas style monopoly. Bernard then clears his throat and Blitzen turns his head slightly to realize that a foreign creature as entered his
territory. You then hold up your hands in a defense matter. This only makes all the reindeer explode in laughter and clap their huffs together causing the gameboard to go flying, sending all the miniature pieces in disarray. You don’t know if you should help them or laugh so you decide that laughing never hurt anyone so... Heck, you’re already at the North Pole what could go wrong! When all is good again and everyone is back in order, Rudolph offers you a firm huffshake and a warm oatmeal cookie covered with chocolate sprinkles and a side of raisins to show that you’re now welcome with open arms and friendship to come back anytime.
Moving on to the next stop of the day, the elves workshop.
The first thing you notice when you walk in is the sweet smell of peppermint and warm chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. When you look around your amazed by all the millions of elves that are gathered around working hard to bring a christmas miracle to a precious child on Christmas Day. You then feel a sudden jerk and are thrown into the chair of an enormous machine filled with multiply colored buttons covering every inch. Bernard is nowhere to be found and you don’t know what the right thing to do is. Do you hit random buttons and see what happens or find an elf to help you? You’ve came to the conclusion that you couldn’t possibly mess anything up with the unknown machine. That being said you start to pay attention to the assorted buttons that lay in front of you. Pushing every green one and then purple, being careful to not lay a finger on a single red one, so to prevent something terrible from happening. Little did you know the big man on campus, Santa, is standing right behind you watching intently trying not to stir you away. He lightly touches you on the shoulder and you let a great loud holler and stumbling off the chair and into the dirty, paper cut waiting floor causing everyone to stop working directing all of their attention onto you. Ho, Ho, Ho, Santa gives out a holly jolly that would bring goosebumps to your arms and legs. He gives everyone strict orders to get back to work, that children all
around the world are counting on them. You are then ushered into Santa’s snowflake shaped office camouflaged in christmas tree wallpaper, absorbed with a nice list that wrapped around the entire room twice. He sits down in his felt, rounded chair and offers you his lap. You take a seat and begin the routine run through. What do you want for Christmas? Have you been a good girl this year? Your answer surprises you. A gigantic elf workshop toy, christmas monopoly, or a stuffed elf to carry around.
Santa is a about to reply when you’re abruptly shaken away from the dead of sleep. Wake up, wake up, wake up, shouts your little sister. It’s Christmas! Time to open presents! You have no idea what is going on, confused as ever. You were just on Santa’s lap, but now you’re in your own bed...