Emotional Wounding Analysis
Good use of secondary sources to support the argument and relate Brett’s ‘emotional wounding’ of Jake with his war experiences. The Will Adair quote adds evidence to the point the essay is trying to make.
The thesis is clear and in the beginning of the introduction. The reader can see what is the essay about and what is the point the author is going to develop in the main body os the essay.
The conclusion is not a mere summary of the essay, it refers back to the thesis statement. It does not adds new information but make the arguments prior given more strength.
Even thought is a draft, there is some ideas that if are develop, would make a more strong essay. In the first paragraph, the essay implies: ‘he cannot ever feel as manly again without
his penis, leaving him feeling emasculated and powerless. Powerless over Brett and himself. But is he really or this just his own lack of confidence?’ evidence taken from the primary text is need to support the argument.
In two occasions, first in the first paragraph and a second time in the third, the essay introduces questions. I think statements that shows clearly your position are more effective.
The thesis is clear and in the beginning of the introduction. The reader can see what is the essay about and what is the point the author is going to develop in the main body os the essay.
The conclusion is not a mere summary of the essay, it refers back to the thesis statement. It does not adds new information but make the arguments prior given more strength.
Even thought is a draft, there is some ideas that if are develop, would make a more strong essay. In the first paragraph, the essay implies: ‘he cannot ever feel as manly again without
his penis, leaving him feeling emasculated and powerless. Powerless over Brett and himself. But is he really or this just his own lack of confidence?’ evidence taken from the primary text is need to support the argument.
In two occasions, first in the first paragraph and a second time in the third, the essay introduces questions. I think statements that shows clearly your position are more effective.