Infidelity In Relationships

There are a multitude of reasons to why a relationship may fall apart. Among these reasons are issues such as poor communication, long distance and immaturity. While all of these issues can have a great impact on the success of a relationship, one that has been commonly identified as a deal breaker regarding intimate relationships is infidelity. While the issue of infidelity has been prevalent for some time, there has not been any prescribed method of dealing with it. Throughout this paper I will be using information gathered from scholarly sources, which include “What happens after shattered: Finding Hope and Healing after Infidelity”, “Face Threat, Face Support, and Advice Effectiveness Following Infidelity” and “Effects of Infidelity” to
help analyze an article written by Brittany Wong entitled “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” By doing so I will be able to determine if this article is helpful, as well as gain an understanding on ways to deal with infidelity.
Wong begins her article by clarifying that there is no correct way to react to a partner cheating, but it also adds that acquiring advice from people that have experienced infidelity helps. The article then goes on to list nine pieces of advice that can help deal with infidelity. The first piece of advice suggests that the individual keep in mind that this was their choice. The second piece of advice encourages the individual to let go of the anger. The third piece of advices suggests that the individual let the anger out, even if it means crying or screaming. The fourth piece warns against immediate reaction after becoming aware of the infidelity. The fifth piece of advice suggests that the individual not to carry the guilt, instead the individual should keep in mind that this was not their choice. The sixth piece of advice recommends that the individual find forgiveness before it begins to have a negative emotional impact. The seventh piece of advice recommends that the individual takes on the perspective “Yesterday is history. You only have today.” The eighth piece of advice recommends that the wait to make decisions regarding the relationship. The final piece of advice recommends that the individual remember that their partner’s act of infidelity is not a reflection of the individual (Wong, 2014). The first source that can be compared to “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” is a book written by Dr. Deanna Sims entitled “What happens after shattered: Finding Hope and Healing after Infidelity” According to Dr. Deanna Sims, anger and the desire for proof and evidence are natural reactions when dealing with infidelity (Sims, 2011). This information correlates with the third piece of advice from “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity”, which encourages the individual to let the anger out (Wong, 2014). Another piece of advice from “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” that Dr. Sims would likely agree with is the sixth piece of advice, which suggests that the individual find forgiveness before it begins having a negative impact (Wong, 2014). This assumption derives from the section in the book where Dr. Sims covers forgiveness in relation to anger (Sims, 2011). In this section Sims states that in order “to address the anger one must first validate and then let go of it through the journey of forgiveness.” This statement is a strong indication that Dr. Sims would also agree with the second tip from “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity”, which suggests that the individual let go of the anger (Wong, 2014). By comparing “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” to “What happens after shattered: Finding Hope and Healing after Infidelity” it is fair to assume that Dr. Sims would approve of a lot of the advice that was suggested by Wong. The second source that can be compared to “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” is a master thesis written by Molly S.
Eickholt entitled “Face Threat, Face Support, and Advice Effectiveness Following Infidelity.” The source begins by discussing the negative impact infidelity can play on the self- esteem of the individual being cheated on. As the article progresses Eickholt discusses the face of the individual who is being cheated on. She goes further in to detail when she talks about the social isolation and embarrassment that can occur as a result of infidelity. She explains the reason behind this feeling by explaining that due to the common belief that infidelity is negative that the individual may think their social circle will think of less of them (Eickholt, 2013). This piece of information correlates with a few of the pieces of advice that Wong discussed. One of these pieces of advice is the first piece, which urges the individual to remember that this was not his or her decision (Wong, 2014). If the individual can keep in mind that this was not his or decision it lowers the likelihood that they feel embarrassed of an action that they did not commit. The second piece of advice that correlates with this article is the ninth piece of advice, which urges the individual to remember that their partner’s act of infidelity is not a reflection of the individual, but instead it is a reflection of the individual’s partner. This piece of advice can be incredibly
helpful when the act of infidelity is having an impact on the self-esteem of the individual (Wong, 2014). If the individual keeps in mind that their reputation is not being ruined by the infidelity it will help negate the issues with embarrassment. By comparing “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” to “Face Threat, Face Support, and Advice Effectiveness Following Infidelity” it is fair to assume that Eickhold would find this advice useful to some of the problems that she stated may occur when dealing with infidelity.
The final source that can be compared to “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” is an essay written by Caroline Rohan entitled “Effects of Infidelity.” Throughout this essay Rohan targeted the impact infidelity has on the individual being cheated on.
Near the end of the essay Rohan offers tips for the individuals who are facing the negative impact that may come along with infidelity. In a similar fashion to Dr. Sims, Rohan stresses the importance of forgiveness when dealing with infidelity. Her reason behind encouraging forgiveness is that by the individual forgiving their partner that the individual will feel less guilt. This forgiveness will in turn help release some of the negative feelings the individual may be harboring (Rohan). This suggestion correlates well with two pieces of Wong’s advice. One piece of advice being the fifth, which suggests the individual not co carry the guilt (Wong, 2014). This is evident due to Rohan’s tip, which she says is meant to help the individual feel less guilt (Rohan). The other piece of advice being the sixth, which encourages the individual to forgive their partner (Wong, 2014). This is evident because Rohan’s encourages the individual to use forgiveness in order to release some of the negative feelings. Another point that Rohan focuses on is to remember that the infidelity was not the individual’s fault, and that nothing could be done on their end to prevent it (Rohan). This tip is similar to what Wong suggest in her first
piece of advice, where she urges the individual to remember that this is not their fault, and that the act of infidelity was not their choice (Wong, 2014). By comparing “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” to “Effects of Infidelity.” It can be assumed that Cohan would agree with a lot of the advice that Wong offered.
In brief, by comparing “9 Good Pieces of Advice Dealing with Infidelity” to “What happens after shattered: Finding Hope and Healing after Infidelity”, “Face Threat, Face Support, and Advice Effectiveness Following Infidelity” and “Effects of Infidelity” I have come to the conclusion that the advice Wong offered was pretty accurate. This can be seen in the way that Wong and the authors of the three sources share common ground on tips that focus on forgiveness, release of anger and reminding the individual not to blame themselves. In closing, dealing with infidelity can be extremely difficult, but by using the experience of people who have been through a similar experience recovery can become an easier task.