Why Is Forgiveness Wrong
Is it ever wrong to forgive?
Introduction of the essay on forgiveness:
I personally believe “Forgiveness to be a conscious, deliberate decision that one makes, to release feelings of resentment or vengeance. Towards a person or group of people who have harmed them, regardless of whether they actually deserve their forgiveness. This does not mean that the person who forgives glosses over or denies the seriousness of the offense against them (1)”. In this essay I will argue that forgiveness should not be considered to be wrong.
The motive or goal of the essay:
My main goal is to demonstrate the positive impact that forgiveness has on a victim’s life. I will also argue that some people may disagree with this. That some people believe that being vengeful or holding onto the hurt may work for them. That they consider some things unforgiveable, and that the people who victimized them should not be shown any mercy. I will argue that “forgiveness is a moral …show more content…
virtue that is essentially a matter of the heart, the inner self, and involves a change in inner feeling more than a change in external action (2)”. I will also demonstrate how other people confuse their need for external action for forgiveness. However, this will lead to a cycle of them feeling guilty and never finding the inner peace they truly desire.
The hardship of forgiveness:
It can be hard to forgive because, simply, human beings have a tendency to consider themselves right. And the scale of the faults we find in others, the cruelty and evilness of others, seems utterly beyond our own measure. But there are two ideas which should nevertheless, in the face of humiliating circumstances, be kept in mind to increase our chances of being able to forgive others for their wrongs.
Firstly, we need to understand the origins of evil:
Firstly, we must remember how the other person got there, to this place of cruelty. Every fault that another person commits on others, has a long history behind it. ‘They have become like this because of flaws in their development, which they did not choose for themselves (4)’. They were shaped by troubles which we cannot see but which we can know exist. The rude person we come to meet, has been trapped, at some point in their personal evolution. So they grew to believe that being kind was not a way of life. The rude individual lived too much as their personality was growing, around people who could not take a gentle hint. So they came to rely on blunt assertions. They became unwillingly mean and irritating to other individuals. They only grew to care about themselves and no-one else. The timid and invisible person was at some stage, a terrified individual. They learned how to be cruel and vicious around people who were hard to please. Behind everything that Is wrong and infuriating about those we meet. Is a decisive trauma encountered before someone could grow to cope with it properly. It is frustrating but they got to be this way, without meaning to. They got this way because they knew no other way of living. To forgive is to understand the origins of evil and cruelty.
Secondly, forgiveness is a human need more than a desire:
Very strangely these are difficult things about ourselves too.
Of course, not in this area. But in some areas, quiet areas that we forget about as soon as we have travelled through them. We are imperfect, flawed and questionable individuals. Gently, we have in our very own ways, betrayed other people without meaning to. Sometimes, even intentionally. Nicely, we been cowards, without meaning to be. Modestly, we have forgotten our own privileges, of being human beings. Unthinkingly, we have added salt to the wounds of others, without meaning to. We do not need to know anything about each other, to know that this is a certainty. We must forgive those who have wronged us, over something that they did. We will need to be forgiven, someday for things that we have done or might do in the future. We would in the past, sometimes look up to the heavens for this forgiveness. Although, I must admit, forgiveness requires time, for the victim to grieve what they have gone through. And for them to decide, how to pick up the
pieces.
Reasons people are against forgiveness:
Some people may disagree and say that, forgiveness works for petty slights but after a heart-breaking betrayal, they find it too absolute to forgive. If for example, a wife or a husband ran away with a neighbor, is it right to forgive, when so much pain has been caused, especially if we consider that the offending parties may be utterly shameless and unapologetic about their transgression? It may be that we ourselves are not perfect, but some deeds are more painful than others, and many of us never come close to inflicting the thoughtless pain others inflict upon us. In such cases as these, surely distance and amnesia over the events and people is better for one’s mental health than the instance that a trauma is now rendered meaningless by an act of an apology or forgiveness. Especially when that trauma may have left permanent scars, which although may become pointless with time and may never entirely heal. The very same people may suggest that one only forgives petty and trivial misunderstandings. But, there are sometimes difficulties that they find too painful to forgive, and they deem this to be okay. They would also think that forgiveness does not work all the time, but works certain times. However, the issue might be that these people may live their lives in hostility and anger. This may cause them to be vengeful, and not find inner peace. This vengeance may consume their lives, and may result in them acting out inappropriately.
A response to people who are against forgiveness:
I personally think that these people should not think of forgiveness as a tool of giving their power away to the people who have wronged them. What most people do not realize is that forgiveness is a power. It is the power to take away the effect other people have on them. The victimized, should rather think of forgiveness as a tool that can validate that they are strong enough not to be victims for the rest of the lives. That what happened to them does not define who they are. That their forgiveness indicates that they are strong enough to move on with their lives. That the people who have hurt them do not have power over their thoughts and emotions, and that they will simply be a memory. Forgiving is not absolving someone of wrong doing and blame: it is recognizing the blame and saying that, one understands the blame but they will no longer hold resentment over it. After being slapped in the face, how could one smile at the person who slapped them, one could wonder. One would feel bitter, would they not? However, it is surprisingly refreshing to be able to smile at the person who slapped them and they could shrug it off and move on with their lives. People love to see a furious reaction: it validates themselves because not only does it show that they have the power to affect someone. It also makes them feel less wrong when one does something wrong in return; for them to act out in vengeance. But when one smiles back at them, it validates that they are powerless. They do not have the power to reduce one to anger or to tears. They are not worth one’s time and effort. And Suddenly, what they do seems not only wrong but pointless, because one has chosen not to let what they have done to define them. Ask yourself, what power does one have over the people that victimize them? What power does one have over themselves? The answer, is simply, the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is that power that someone can never take away from the victimized individual.
The power of forgiveness over vengeance:
“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal, with the intent of throwing it at someone else; but you are the one who get burned (3)”. I truly believe that forgiveness can empower someone to come into terms with what has happened to them. To help them identify the trauma that they have suffered, while in turn not letting this trauma define them and take control over their lives. Because if one is vengeful and does not control their vengeance, it can consume them. This is also a form of a destructive power. Forgiveness can help one tame this, so that they can regain some control in their lives. This will in turn, enable them to heal and move on with their lives.
The conclusion about the power of forgiveness:
‘’Forgiveness can be seen as a healing virtue that brings with it great blessings – chief among them being its capacity to free us from being consumed by our angers, its capacity to check our tendencies toward cruelty, and its capacity to open the door to the restoration of those relationships in our lives that are worthy of restoration. This last blessing can be seen in the fact that, since each one of us will sometimes wrong the people that mean the most to us, there will be times when we will want to be forgiven by those we have wronged. Seeing this, no rational person would desire to live in a world where forgiveness was not seen as a healing virtue (2)”. Therefore, in conclusion, forgiveness should not be seen as something wrong. But rather as something essential in our lives.
Bibliography
1. Website: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition, Accessed on the 07th of April 2018.
2. Website: https://www.shareyouressays.com/good-essays/short-essay-on-forgiveness/110731 , Accessed 31st March 2018. Notes Accessed on the PHI1025F Vula tab, on Forgiveness (Forgiveness in the law), https://vula.uct.ac.za/access/content/group/7f601230-d3c8-4634-9c81-f093aa1f211d/Essay%202%20readings/1%20Forgiveness%2C%20Reconciliation%20and%20Responding%20to%20Evil.pdf , Accessed 31st of March 2018.
3. Website: https://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/personal-development/holding-on-to-anger-is-like-grasping-a-hot-coal/ , Accessed 01st April 2018. A quote by Buddha.
4. Website: http://thekidshouldseethis.com/post/how-to-forgive-the-school-of-life , Accessed 02nd April 2018.
Introduction of the essay on forgiveness:
I personally believe “Forgiveness to be a conscious, deliberate decision that one makes, to release feelings of resentment or vengeance. Towards a person or group of people who have harmed them, regardless of whether they actually deserve their forgiveness. This does not mean that the person who forgives glosses over or denies the seriousness of the offense against them (1)”. In this essay I will argue that forgiveness should not be considered to be wrong.
The motive or goal of the essay:
My main goal is to demonstrate the positive impact that forgiveness has on a victim’s life. I will also argue that some people may disagree with this. That some people believe that being vengeful or holding onto the hurt may work for them. That they consider some things unforgiveable, and that the people who victimized them should not be shown any mercy. I will argue that “forgiveness is a moral …show more content…
virtue that is essentially a matter of the heart, the inner self, and involves a change in inner feeling more than a change in external action (2)”. I will also demonstrate how other people confuse their need for external action for forgiveness. However, this will lead to a cycle of them feeling guilty and never finding the inner peace they truly desire.
The hardship of forgiveness:
It can be hard to forgive because, simply, human beings have a tendency to consider themselves right. And the scale of the faults we find in others, the cruelty and evilness of others, seems utterly beyond our own measure. But there are two ideas which should nevertheless, in the face of humiliating circumstances, be kept in mind to increase our chances of being able to forgive others for their wrongs.
Firstly, we need to understand the origins of evil:
Firstly, we must remember how the other person got there, to this place of cruelty. Every fault that another person commits on others, has a long history behind it. ‘They have become like this because of flaws in their development, which they did not choose for themselves (4)’. They were shaped by troubles which we cannot see but which we can know exist. The rude person we come to meet, has been trapped, at some point in their personal evolution. So they grew to believe that being kind was not a way of life. The rude individual lived too much as their personality was growing, around people who could not take a gentle hint. So they came to rely on blunt assertions. They became unwillingly mean and irritating to other individuals. They only grew to care about themselves and no-one else. The timid and invisible person was at some stage, a terrified individual. They learned how to be cruel and vicious around people who were hard to please. Behind everything that Is wrong and infuriating about those we meet. Is a decisive trauma encountered before someone could grow to cope with it properly. It is frustrating but they got to be this way, without meaning to. They got this way because they knew no other way of living. To forgive is to understand the origins of evil and cruelty.
Secondly, forgiveness is a human need more than a desire:
Very strangely these are difficult things about ourselves too.
Of course, not in this area. But in some areas, quiet areas that we forget about as soon as we have travelled through them. We are imperfect, flawed and questionable individuals. Gently, we have in our very own ways, betrayed other people without meaning to. Sometimes, even intentionally. Nicely, we been cowards, without meaning to be. Modestly, we have forgotten our own privileges, of being human beings. Unthinkingly, we have added salt to the wounds of others, without meaning to. We do not need to know anything about each other, to know that this is a certainty. We must forgive those who have wronged us, over something that they did. We will need to be forgiven, someday for things that we have done or might do in the future. We would in the past, sometimes look up to the heavens for this forgiveness. Although, I must admit, forgiveness requires time, for the victim to grieve what they have gone through. And for them to decide, how to pick up the
pieces.
Reasons people are against forgiveness:
Some people may disagree and say that, forgiveness works for petty slights but after a heart-breaking betrayal, they find it too absolute to forgive. If for example, a wife or a husband ran away with a neighbor, is it right to forgive, when so much pain has been caused, especially if we consider that the offending parties may be utterly shameless and unapologetic about their transgression? It may be that we ourselves are not perfect, but some deeds are more painful than others, and many of us never come close to inflicting the thoughtless pain others inflict upon us. In such cases as these, surely distance and amnesia over the events and people is better for one’s mental health than the instance that a trauma is now rendered meaningless by an act of an apology or forgiveness. Especially when that trauma may have left permanent scars, which although may become pointless with time and may never entirely heal. The very same people may suggest that one only forgives petty and trivial misunderstandings. But, there are sometimes difficulties that they find too painful to forgive, and they deem this to be okay. They would also think that forgiveness does not work all the time, but works certain times. However, the issue might be that these people may live their lives in hostility and anger. This may cause them to be vengeful, and not find inner peace. This vengeance may consume their lives, and may result in them acting out inappropriately.
A response to people who are against forgiveness:
I personally think that these people should not think of forgiveness as a tool of giving their power away to the people who have wronged them. What most people do not realize is that forgiveness is a power. It is the power to take away the effect other people have on them. The victimized, should rather think of forgiveness as a tool that can validate that they are strong enough not to be victims for the rest of the lives. That what happened to them does not define who they are. That their forgiveness indicates that they are strong enough to move on with their lives. That the people who have hurt them do not have power over their thoughts and emotions, and that they will simply be a memory. Forgiving is not absolving someone of wrong doing and blame: it is recognizing the blame and saying that, one understands the blame but they will no longer hold resentment over it. After being slapped in the face, how could one smile at the person who slapped them, one could wonder. One would feel bitter, would they not? However, it is surprisingly refreshing to be able to smile at the person who slapped them and they could shrug it off and move on with their lives. People love to see a furious reaction: it validates themselves because not only does it show that they have the power to affect someone. It also makes them feel less wrong when one does something wrong in return; for them to act out in vengeance. But when one smiles back at them, it validates that they are powerless. They do not have the power to reduce one to anger or to tears. They are not worth one’s time and effort. And Suddenly, what they do seems not only wrong but pointless, because one has chosen not to let what they have done to define them. Ask yourself, what power does one have over the people that victimize them? What power does one have over themselves? The answer, is simply, the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is that power that someone can never take away from the victimized individual.
The power of forgiveness over vengeance:
“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal, with the intent of throwing it at someone else; but you are the one who get burned (3)”. I truly believe that forgiveness can empower someone to come into terms with what has happened to them. To help them identify the trauma that they have suffered, while in turn not letting this trauma define them and take control over their lives. Because if one is vengeful and does not control their vengeance, it can consume them. This is also a form of a destructive power. Forgiveness can help one tame this, so that they can regain some control in their lives. This will in turn, enable them to heal and move on with their lives.
The conclusion about the power of forgiveness:
‘’Forgiveness can be seen as a healing virtue that brings with it great blessings – chief among them being its capacity to free us from being consumed by our angers, its capacity to check our tendencies toward cruelty, and its capacity to open the door to the restoration of those relationships in our lives that are worthy of restoration. This last blessing can be seen in the fact that, since each one of us will sometimes wrong the people that mean the most to us, there will be times when we will want to be forgiven by those we have wronged. Seeing this, no rational person would desire to live in a world where forgiveness was not seen as a healing virtue (2)”. Therefore, in conclusion, forgiveness should not be seen as something wrong. But rather as something essential in our lives.
Bibliography
1. Website: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition, Accessed on the 07th of April 2018.
2. Website: https://www.shareyouressays.com/good-essays/short-essay-on-forgiveness/110731 , Accessed 31st March 2018. Notes Accessed on the PHI1025F Vula tab, on Forgiveness (Forgiveness in the law), https://vula.uct.ac.za/access/content/group/7f601230-d3c8-4634-9c81-f093aa1f211d/Essay%202%20readings/1%20Forgiveness%2C%20Reconciliation%20and%20Responding%20to%20Evil.pdf , Accessed 31st of March 2018.
3. Website: https://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/personal-development/holding-on-to-anger-is-like-grasping-a-hot-coal/ , Accessed 01st April 2018. A quote by Buddha.
4. Website: http://thekidshouldseethis.com/post/how-to-forgive-the-school-of-life , Accessed 02nd April 2018.