Dramatic Monologue

I guess Ivy will stay in my imagination“ he laughed lightly. I played dumb looking at his arm where he had a tattoo of the Ivy. He was trying to light up the mood.
„You know I had that dream once that we had an intercourse and after we talked about our future. We talked about our kids. You wanted a girl named Ivy.“ He was still holding me and the tears were already ready to fall and I did not care anymore as I was dying. He tattoed a name Ivy below his heart. Not his name, not my name, not my date of birth but name of our never born daughter.
He kissed my forehead and I felt he did not have more strength to hold me. It was extremely hard for him to not break down at that moment, and I was person causing it. I wanted to ask him for promise to
not go back to his old ways but at that moment it did not matter anymore. He pushed me away and I felt like I was suddently thrown into cold water. My heart was screaming and I knew that now I would not be scared of dying. My life without the one who messed and brought me up will not be put together anyway. He went into direction of the front doors and opened them for me. I wanted to scream at that moment. I did not want to leave. I was in a bad state.
I wanted to take the most of him in my senses and I could not anymore. I see a grey sweat pants and white short sleeved v neck shirt. I see his messy hair and tired eyes staring at me, waiting for me to go through the doors. He is ready to move on, he was ready. I was not needed anymore for his development. Now, I was holding him back. While I took for the last time the sight of him he motioned again for me to go out of
his apartment.
I put my head down and I just left the room passing by him like passing by a stranger. He immediately closed the doors and I was left alone in front of the doors. Tears started to fall without stopping. I came into the car and screamed the loudest I could. I broke down completely throwing everything in my apartment everywhere. I broke a vase and got a bad cut from it. I could not even feel the cut because of the pain caused by my separation from him. I was burning alive. I was hugging myself trying to imagine him still being there. My whole pshychological madness came down onto my floor. After some time, I felt satisfied. I got to see the growth of true him. The man I wanted him to be, the man he was destined to be. A perfection. I was there when he was at his lowest and at his best. I decided that my revenge was not dumping him because that would be just a revenge. You do not hurt a person you love if you do not have a good reason. I had a reason to hurt him the same way he hurt me, because of me and not him. That is why revenge is just a first step. I have to break him in order to make him the strongest. He is a well educated, rich, ambitious, handsome young man who has the greatest future of all
businessmen of 21st century. I was proud of every single piece of him. I wanted him to think that he loves me. By thinking that he truly does, he will be crashed by the news, but he will become so stong that no woman or man would be able to stop him. I have decided to do a symbolical bullshit before doing it. I went to tattoo shop and did my own first tattoo. So that God knows on my flesh that I did not do it for myself. I do it because I love him with my everything. For the person you love, you tend to do things which are not always good for you.
He tattooed „Ivy“ on my wrist. That Ivy was the proof of something so pure and dirty as this what me and Nathaniel had. I was very sad she could not come out as the product of that love, but she will be there as my reminder for him to not be an idiot. When we finished I turned on the car and was ready. I crossed myself once praying God that he would understand the sacrifice. He had to understand that I was worthless. Nathaniel was not. Nathaniel had future and ambition. I was psychiatric case, a lunatic who tried to recover from the emotional punch from Nathaniel Castel four years ago. I did not succeed to recover myself but I succeeded at making him the most perfect man, husband, brother and friend. That was my gift to the world, Nathaniel. The only way he would grow to his fullest is if he is not attached to the past which is pulling him to the bad things. I am the one pulling him down instead of up now. Hence, I should be out. I left few hundred dollars more to the tattoo guy because he did an amazing job. I came into my room to change and to take off. I pulled out my silk lavander purple short cropped up Dior dress with spagetti straps. On top of it I pulled out my Moschino hoodie with flowers. Combining elegant with sporty like a queen, taking it with silver pumps. I pulled my long hair in a messy pony tail and I was ready to head out. If I am leaving I better do it with a style.