Marriage Advice

Running Head: Marriage Advice

Marriage Advice
Carla Conley
Interpersonal Communication (GSL1220C)
Laticia Dezell
June 17, 2012

Marriage Advice
Carla Conley
Interpersonal Communication (GSL1220C)
Instructor Laticia Dezell
June 17, 2012
Advice to Sally and Robert:
Dear Sally and Robert:
I would like to take the time to tell you how much I am glad to share five basic points involving interpersonal communication. Before I continue I would like to congratulate the both of you on your engagement. I hope your engagement will lead into a long healthy marriage along with communication. The most important part is interpersonal communication. Interpersonal communication is a social process which has three primary purposes. They are to meet personal needs, to learn about ourselves, other people and world, and to build and maintain relationships with others Sole, K. (2011). Remember you will need to use these to communicate with the world and all communication channels along with good behavior.
Develop Strategies for Active, Critical, and Empathic Listening
Sally and Robert one of the keys to having a long healthy relationship is being able to be an effective listener. Listening is one of the most important skills we can acquire. You want to be able to understand what each other is saying, respond appropriately to what your partner is saying, and provide helpful feedback. In addition, to practice active listening, try to send back the messages you hear from your spouse very much like mirroring. This is one of the most effective counseling strategies that also prove effective marriage. Be empathic and nonjudgmental. Be accepting and respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs without invalidating or giving up your own position, or without agreeing with the accuracy and validity of their view Nadig, L. A.( 2012). This manifests empathy and allows you and your spouse to see that what each other feel Sole, K. (2011). Some steps you can use and continue with your relationship. You want to stop talking and listen. You cannot effectively listen, think and talk at the same time. Make sure your mind is all clear from distracting thoughts. Remember these tips on good listening are vital to a long healthy relationship. No matter what you are through good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace and happiness.
Understand How Perceptions, Emotions, and Nonverbal Expression Affect Interpersonal Relationships
As we discuss earlier we know that listening is one of the successful ways of keeping a healthy relationship. Nonverbal communication is defined as another way of communicating without words. When communicating nonverbally, you use your voice and parts of your body language to send messages. Your facial and body expression tells your partner how you are receiving their message. Sole, K. (2011). Nonverbal cues may provide clarity or contradiction for a message being sent. Familiar faces may make us more likely to start a relationship and continue. When direct eye contact was added to facial expressions an increased rating was given for credibility. Facial expression and other nonverbal cues used to project internal states also influence our personal relationships Sole, K.( 2011). Nonverbal cues may provide clarity or contradiction for a message being sent. Familiar faces may make us more likely to start a relationship and continue. When direct eye contact was added to facial expressions an increased rating was given for credibility. Facial expression and other nonverbal cues used to project internal states also influence our personal relationships.
Evaluate Appropriate Levels of Self-Disclosure in Relationships
Sally and Robert when engaging in a conversation, we must make decisions on how much personal information to share a degree to which either of you should reveal your thoughts, feelings, fears, likes, and personal experiences. In a marriage of course you will share aspects of yourself with each other is known as self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is usually intentional; you choose what you will real to each other and people Sole, K. (2011). Self-Disclosure has different levels within in a relationship. One self-disclosure theory proposed by psychologists Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor is social penetration theory. This disclosure process is compared to peeling an onion layer by layer. I would think by now you have gotten by the initial level and second level. On the last layer as your relationship continues to progress, you two will begin to reveal more details about each other and your lives to one another. There is more talk about your family and extended family. You begin to learn more about each other interests, social activities, and other major topics. This disclosure may help you identify commonalities to determine if you want to go further with this marriage. According to your feedback this relationship will continue to progress. Reciprocity in disclosure is very important. No relationship is successful if one is giving their all in the relationship and the other one isn’t. You want to be able to trust each other with sharing your thoughts and feelings and not over barbering each other. Another level is the appropriate disclosure which means being at the same level on all communication channels. If a certain situation comes up make sure it is the appropriate time and place to talk about that issue. Once you continue to disclose your personal information with each other this should help build a bond between the two of you. This should let you know if you want to take your engagement to the next level and what type relationship you two will have. A few positive disclosure consequences are: You feel intimacy, feel validated or affirmed with one another, and achieving a greater sense of authenticity-being true to you. Disclosure consequences you would like to stay away from are the negative ones. A few them are being rebuffed by the other, making one feel guilty, feeling shame and violated or fearful Sole, K. (2011).
Describe Strategies for Managing Interpersonal Conflicts
Dear Robert and Sally conflicts are going to occur in your relationship. You want to resolve any conflict rapidly and calmly as possible. Many couples face anxieties about financial pressure, job loss, and depression. Since you are at the beginning stage of your marriage you want to practice effective listening skills, and using the skills of emotional intelligence can be useful means of preventing or diminishing conflict Sole, K. (2011). If a conflict comes up and one of you only know about it and your partner is just getting in try not to bombard him or her with the conflict until they are settled down and ready to talk. “Orbuch suggests couples send an e-mail or text messages to start an issue, not discuss or resolve one, and then set up a time to hash things out” Wheeler, S. (2010). When you get time take about 10 to 20 minutes to sit down and talk to each other about anything besides work, family issues rather it is good or bad. Remember the positive things about your relationship. Inject humor in your conflict situations, show love to one another by cuddling and showing affection. Make sure you check your communication behaviors. If you are the type of person that is easy to get excited, emotional and loud walk away until you are cooled down this may help the conflict from escalating further. Another good point is to maybe discuss the conflict with a friend or family member to get some positive feedback on how to handle the situation better. Never complain about miscellaneous issues. You do not want to be known as the complainer which can cause unnecessary conflict. Sometimes one of you will have to be the bigger person and apologize first especially if you started it, even if the conflict is not entirely a result of your actions. Meeting halfway can resolve the conflict faster.
Recognize How Words Have the Power to Create and Affect Attitudes, Behavior, and Perception
Sally and Robert another good skill to learn is to try to control the words that comes from you. Words can comfort you, excite you and inspire you, but they can also cause pain and irreparably damage your relationships with others Huxley, A. (1940). Increasing your awareness of the possible interpretations of your messages will help you minimize misunderstanding Sole., K. (2011). Studies reveal that we place our attention toward words differently depending on our own biological or personality traits. Words have denotative and connotative. Denotative is basically the dictionary meaning, the one that almost anyone can understand who speaks or desires to speak the language. Connation is what the word suggests or implies and give words an emotional impact. Both can be associated with positive or negative. As stated in the Bible Proverbs 18:21 death and life are in the power of the tongue. Your words can inspire each other during a depression time. The words I am sorry means you really care and you are owning up to what you did wrong. Even though apology may be hard to do sometimes it helps mend the relationship. Apology asks for forgiveness, a statement of regret and acknowledging the hurt or damage you may have caused.
As a newly married couple continues to work on your communication competencies, use these concepts I have put in this letter for you two to practice, recognize how your attitudes affects your conversation and how your perception affects the situation. In addition, this will help you on a personal level and professional.
Learning these concepts on how to communicate are methods for keeping a healthy relationship. Please continue to use these steps through your engagement and marriage for peace and bonding with each other.

Refeences
1. Sole, K. (2011).Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education, Inc. (https://content.ashford.edu)
2. Dunn, L.J. (2009). Department of Psychology. Nonverbal Communication: Information Conveyed Through The Use of Body Language. Retried June 4, 2012, from http://clearinghouse.missouriwestern.edu/manuscripts/70.php.
3. Sheba R. Wheeler. (2010, May 18). 'I do' is only the beginning Seven secrets to a lasting marriage Communication, conflict-management and negotiation skills are more important than ever. Denver Post,p. D.1. Retrieved June 19, 2012, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 2035883731).
4. Saying sorry :When you live with other human beings there are bound to be times when you hurt or offend others. Saying 'I'm sorry' - two words which can be so difficult to say but hold such power - can actually help mend a relationship.. (2012, May 30). The Gympie Times,17. Retrieved June 19, 2012, from ProQuest Newsstand. (Document ID: 2672116901).
5. Cardillo, D, RN, MA (2012). Seven Strategies for Managing Conflict. Retrieved June 19, 2012, from http://www.dcardillo.com/articles/sevenstrategies.html