Sam and Diane have been married for a few years now and, everything was so perfect in the beginning. There was nothing but plenty of love and romance. Even still, Sam had become more and more demanding of his wife until at a certain point he began demanding robotic perfection of his spouse. It took a few years, but Diane became more and more fed up. She became more and more hypersensitive and hyper-vigilant to anything that Sam said to her so that now, even the slightest criticism would enrage her against Sam which would cause her to remain angered for 24 hours at a time. However, she could not help herself. Her nerves were at their end and did not know any other way to react. Boundaries in Sam and Diane’s marriage were broken. Sam had broken the boundaries of freedom, responsibility, and love (Cloud & Townsend, 1999). Sam had not allowed Diane the freedom of being a human being, treated Diane irresponsibly, and helped in squashing their love. However, Diane, by her actions, had violated the boundary of “self-control” (p.28). If only she had said something like, “If you cannot treat me kindly and as a human being, I will leave the room.” And so, an example of how one spouse can purposely break boundaries and the other inadvertently breaks them. Thus, love is the first ingredient of a marriage, but understanding boundaries in marriage can help keep a marriage intact.…
In the article titled “My Problem With Her Anger”, by Eric Bartels, he tells us about his life and more importantly, the marriage he holds with his wife that he loves very much. However, she has a bit of a problem with passive-aggressiveness that causes turmoil in their so far, rather successful marriage.…
Although much of Cloud and Townsend’s (1999) approach to relational health could be easily applied to most human relationships, as the title of the book implies, marriage is the context from which their thesis is explained. Marriage, they contend, is “first and foremost about love” (Cloud and Townsend, 1999, p.9). However, as they are quick to point out, love by itself is simply not enough for a marriage to thrive. They suggest love is assaulted and effectively weakened when freedom and responsibility problems are present within the marital relationship. Additionally, they assert that freedom and responsibility are two vital elements necessary for a healthy and loving marriage relationship. When freedom and responsibility are present within a relationship…
Most marriages are formed when two people love each other and share the same aspirations in life. Once couples are married their views begin to change. They realize that marriage is hard and after having kids it’s even harder. Hope Edelman, in her essay “The Myth of Co-Parenting: How It Was Supposed to be. How It Was,” feels frustrated with her husband because of his lack of participation in their marriage. On the other hand, Eric Bartels in his essay “My Problem with Her Anger,” is frustrated with his wife because she is angry with him all the time. Though these essays address marriage from both a male and female perspective, they both discuss idealistic views of marriage, lack of communication, blame, and how to fix their problem.…
Often, by the time a couple enters into marriage counseling the couple has been participation in a cycle of destructive behavior ranging from, anger, hostility criticism, communication issues, and so forth. It is reported that more than 40% of clients who seek psychotherapy of any kind state marital distress and the reason (Gurman and Fraenkal,…
Most couples when found upon the concept of a wedding are not handed a guide book to a successful loving marriage. Couples appear to have a vague understanding of their commitment to marriage. A long life journey full of unexpected surprises, and adjusting accommodations. Eric Bartels, the author of “My Problem With Her Anger,” contends he feels compelled by the division of household work, and the lack of support from his wife. Such as lack of communication and anger management. Conversely, in “The Difference Between a Happy Marriage and Miserable One: Chores,” Wendy Klein, Carolina Izquierdo, and Thomas N Bradbury describe how different couples within a marriage handle chores, depending on a respect for mutual boundaries, support…
“The advantage to marriages with low expectations is that they have built in shock absorbers.” If the couple discovers that they have nothing in common, it is not so much of a reason for divorce at it is what is expected of most marriage. Based on this same way of thinking, disagreements or disappointments, such as an affair, are not as traumatic and are in fact traditionally tolerated in the case of a husband’s infidelity. Incidences such as these don’t automatically point straight to divorce, as most wives see it as a mutual failure and can use the opportunity to look for ways of improving themselves so that it does not continually happen in the future.…
In Dianne Hales’s essay “why are you so angry?”, she talks about a social phenomenon that more and more Americans are feeling pushed to the breaking point and she gives several suggestions which could help you calm down from the anger.…
You Just Don’t Understand Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen is basically an explanation on how women and men converse. Tannens main goal is to give advice to the different genders in order for them to avoid as much conflict as possible. Tannen’s main ideas are to explain how differently women and men react to each other’s way of being. It’s like they’re in their own little world while living in the same big world. Men tend to try to dominate situations and tend to always want to be at the top. Women do not tend to want to get into conflict but tend to show understanding. These big differences bring them into conflict. A Tannen explains, “What he wanted conflicted with what she wanted”. (40) Women and men are constantly clashing in opinions.…
The poem Why some people be mad at me sometimes by Lucille Clifton was a little confusing for me at first, I actually had to read it 3 times in order for thoughts to start processing, but once I grasped an understanding from it I felt astonished because it was so deep and powerful. I believe what Clifton was trying to deliver is that there are always two sides to a story, one side is theirs and the other is your side and that people will always want you to remember their side but you only want to remember yours because it is what you know. I too think that when this poem was written, Clifton was going under some personal issues that we do not know of, but we can all relate in a way with…
“The story of us” is an excellent movie that portrays the roller-coaster of marriage in a humorous and cleaver way. The film reiterates the key concepts we have learned in our interpersonal communication class, in particular chapters ten and eleven on conflict management and improving communication climates. According to Gibb people feel defensive when they perceive that they are under attack. When defensive responses arise in interpersonal communications, it is the relationship itself that becomes defensive. This is evident in the Jordan’s communication patterns, the majority of exchanges between Ben and Katie are hostile and resentful. Fighting is not an uncommon sight. Ben is spontaneous, romantic and impulsive, with low frustration tolerance and an explosive hair trigger temper. Katie is pragmatic, a compulsive perfectionist with unrealistic expectations, and a high need for control. She takes everything personally and never forgives or forgets a slight. They both blame each other for their disappointments. The pattern is clear. He doesn't meet her standards so she snipes, he explodes and then she accuses him of not listening. She then throws up every mistake he's ever made and every fault he's ever had. This goes on ad nauseam as their romantic obsession with one another continues to get the best of any sense they might have to call it quits. Like moths to a flame, they keep returning for another scorching.…
Problems with a marriage is something that many couple face every day. There are many stressors constantly tugging at the delicate balance needed to have a happy marriage. When those factors combine with the internal factors of the marriage things can sometimes fall apart. This paper explores the situation Hans and Marta have found themselves in within their marriage and how therapist can help them get through it. They have taken the first step in the long process of saving their marriage by coming to therapy.…
Abstract Conflict is a state of opposition, disagreement or incompatibility between two or more people or groups of people, which is sometimes characterized by physical violence. Conflict can be experienced in variouss places such as home, school, work place, communities, states and countries etc. Conflict is a part of life and we cannot avoid it. When there is a clash of interest, idea, value or action, conflict always results. Conflict occurs as a reduction of one motivating stimulus which coincides as a rise in another stimulus. There are various types and modes of conflicts. This paper will focus on family or home conflict and discuss the effects of violent conflict resolution in our homes. There is a saying that charity begins at home. Our families play vital roles in our lives. A violent way of resolving conflicts always brings destruction. Parents that use violent means in resolving their conflicts are teaching their children the same way. As the child becomes a leader in school, workplace or communities, he/she will always resort in using violent means in settling conflicts except when told otherwise. Anger and pride are some of the contributing factors to conflict. Anger management is very important in resolving conflict. It is generally believed that anger is part of human nature and we shall endeavor to manage it properly in order to settle our differences. Once there is a clash of interest among group or individuals, it is pertinent for us to handle this issue carefully before it will result to conflict. In situations where conflicts have occurred, it is very important that the parties involved try to reach a compromise by providing opportunities to satisfy everyone's need. It may seems very difficult to do this but we can all "agree to disagree", so that we can reach a temporary solution. Sometimes, this doesn't guarantee…
Anil started doing self-awareness and self-mastery exercises and used the inventory system outlined in these programs to investigate and change the root causes of his anger. He discovered that the root cause of his unreasonable anger towards his wife was self-judgment. He looked at his thoughts from an observer’s point of view and that is the reason why he was able to draw this conclusion.…
In the deep caverns of the human brain a pitch black corner is found to harbor the overwhelming feeling of anger. As human beings we are capable of feeling a wide range of emotions, some of which are fleeting and of no effect on our actions and others are relatively stronger, strong enough to escape the confinements of the mind and cause disturbances. Anger is one of those stronger feelings. Anger is capable of clouding one’s judgment, demolishing one’s values, affecting one’s physical and mental health and one’s environment and surrounding people. Furthermore, like any other emotion, anger takes many forms and is triggered by a variety of different reasons. For example; being treated unfairly, experiencing abuse, suffering for a certain…