My Traumatic Experience

What affected my life the most were the traumatic experiences of my childhood that have shaped my entire life. I don’t often speak about what goes on in my life or my past because I feel that it is better to keep things to myself then to show people that I am weak. I grew up in an abusive home my family changed because of certain events that took place within our family. I always remember being more depressed than other children. I just wanted to be normal and pretty my entire life. As time went on things changed my family became more controlling so I was not able to do activities that other children my age were taking part in. I wasn’t able to reach milestones like going on my first date, sneaking out or even just going to football games like the other kids. I wasn’t like the
I was often bullied by the other kids and furthermore, it extended to the teachers. The bullying and the abuse were the two biggest influences in my life.
The third biggest influence was my sexuality. I grew up not really having a male figure in my life so I looked for it in other places. Not saying I did not grow up with a father or brothers but they were not always the best and my father was often busy. At that I often did not have anyone on my side or there for me, I grew up looking at older men trying to find some comfort from the things that have happened to me. I wanted one person in my life to care about me and give me unconditional love.
I found out the only way I can get a man’s attention is by being “confident” and “sexy”. I kept getting older and I understood men more and more but to be honest I still have not found a worthy man that truly loves me for me. At this point, I truly do not want a man’s love but his attention. Wherever I go I shut down the entire place. My outfits are just for me, I only need to impress myself but its always fun to have men chasing after