Should Schools Have Guns Persuasive Research Paper
It is a new era for education and school safety, now that President Trump is in office. His Secretary of Education nominee, Betsy DeVos recently had her Senate Confirmation hearing and answered all questions fluently and decorously. DeVos is clearly proficient in her subject matter; when asked whether or not schools should have guns, in light of the recent school shootings, DeVos took the time to reflect upon this complex and nuanced question and answered that guns need to be brought into schools to protect against the supposedly fatally common grizzly bear attacks. It was a well-thought out and competent response, but there was one small flaw in her thinking. What DeVos failed to realize was that there are far more school shootings than there
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are school grizzly bear attacks. In fact, since 2013, over 200 school shootings have occurred in our nation. That is almost one shooting per week. 84 of these shootings happening in K-12 schools with an average of 2 shootings per month. The number of grizzly bear attacks? One. Obviously, there is a slight statistical difference in the probability of a school shooting versus a grizzly bear attack, so DeVos clearly made the minor error of assuming there was a massive need for guns to protect against bear attacks. There is, however, a massive need for something to protect students from school shootings. And DeVos’ error revealed a solution that may just satisfy this need. Grizzly bears are amongst the fiercest and most brute animals on Earth. A Russian acquaintance of mine, and friend to President Trump himself, informed me that grizzlies can grow as tall as 8 feet, weigh up to 800 pounds, and can effortlessly rip apart the entrails of salmon, rodents, sheep, and elk- and humans, if threatened.
School shooters are almost always human, and if grizzlies can kill humans, the only logical conclusion is that these bears can be used in schools to protect students from school shootings. Now, I can understand the main concern that many may have: this solution will be far too taxing on the Grizzly bears, in fact some may even call it cruel and bordering on animal abuse. However, this proposal will not harm these animals because schools will be required to provide and care for these bears as per certain standards. For instance, all bears must be fed an all natural and organic diet consisting of 213 hand-cracked nuts, diced fruits at a temperature of 26 degrees celsius, deciduous tree leaves plucked from the 43rd tree branch, 13.5 inch roots pulled from rich Oklahoman soil, fungi from the third highest mountain of the Appalachian, and freshly caught coral salmon from the shores of Ketchikan, Alaska. In fact, Grizzly populations will actually augment exponentially since there is now an urgent need for them in our public school system, so really this proposal is helping wildlife, not harming it. American taxpayers may also question where schools will receive the budget for this endeavor, which I must admit is a valid concern. But the straightforward answer is that this money will simply be reallocated from the existing school budgets. So instead of having useless laptops and SMART Boards, schools can have the protection they deserve. An added benefit to this proposal is that the economy for the United States will be stimulated as there will now be jobs for people to breed these grizzlies, raise these grizzlies, tame these grizzlies, produce food for these grizzlies, transport food for these grizzlies, and train these grizzlies in the art of security. This solution supplements our country’s vested interest in creating jobs and advancing American prosperity. There are really no other alternatives to this solution.
America cannot restrict access to guns as it would be a clear violation of second amendment rights and go completely against public opinion. President Obama tried to increase gun control following the Sandy Hook massacre with his executive orders that would expand background checks for gun buyers and ban assault weapons. However, an overwhelming majority of 51% of Americans did not support these orders and many argued that the federal government was unconstitutionally broadening its powers and limiting the people’s right to enter a school with a gun. House Speaker Paul Ryan, R-Wisconsin, said Obama's actions "will no doubt be challenged in the courts" and "can be overturned by a Republican President." And now that there is a Republican president, gun control is now both unconstitutional and unfeasible. So really, the only way to protect our students is through stronger security at schools. A grizzly bear is truly a formidable foe that would deter any potential assailant from coming within even a mile of a school. Whether liberal or conservative, black or white, rich or poor, the entire nation can agree that our children must be protected. The safety of America’s future scientists, lawyers, doctors, and teachers is an issue that transverses party lines and is pertinent now more than ever before. School shootings have resulted in 59 deaths and 124 non-fatal gunshot injuries. From a doe-eyed kindergartener to a starry-eyed high school senior, school shootings have been consistently taking the lives of the next generation. And it seems that the only thing that will protect America’s youth is the mighty grizzly
bear.
are school grizzly bear attacks. In fact, since 2013, over 200 school shootings have occurred in our nation. That is almost one shooting per week. 84 of these shootings happening in K-12 schools with an average of 2 shootings per month. The number of grizzly bear attacks? One. Obviously, there is a slight statistical difference in the probability of a school shooting versus a grizzly bear attack, so DeVos clearly made the minor error of assuming there was a massive need for guns to protect against bear attacks. There is, however, a massive need for something to protect students from school shootings. And DeVos’ error revealed a solution that may just satisfy this need. Grizzly bears are amongst the fiercest and most brute animals on Earth. A Russian acquaintance of mine, and friend to President Trump himself, informed me that grizzlies can grow as tall as 8 feet, weigh up to 800 pounds, and can effortlessly rip apart the entrails of salmon, rodents, sheep, and elk- and humans, if threatened.
School shooters are almost always human, and if grizzlies can kill humans, the only logical conclusion is that these bears can be used in schools to protect students from school shootings. Now, I can understand the main concern that many may have: this solution will be far too taxing on the Grizzly bears, in fact some may even call it cruel and bordering on animal abuse. However, this proposal will not harm these animals because schools will be required to provide and care for these bears as per certain standards. For instance, all bears must be fed an all natural and organic diet consisting of 213 hand-cracked nuts, diced fruits at a temperature of 26 degrees celsius, deciduous tree leaves plucked from the 43rd tree branch, 13.5 inch roots pulled from rich Oklahoman soil, fungi from the third highest mountain of the Appalachian, and freshly caught coral salmon from the shores of Ketchikan, Alaska. In fact, Grizzly populations will actually augment exponentially since there is now an urgent need for them in our public school system, so really this proposal is helping wildlife, not harming it. American taxpayers may also question where schools will receive the budget for this endeavor, which I must admit is a valid concern. But the straightforward answer is that this money will simply be reallocated from the existing school budgets. So instead of having useless laptops and SMART Boards, schools can have the protection they deserve. An added benefit to this proposal is that the economy for the United States will be stimulated as there will now be jobs for people to breed these grizzlies, raise these grizzlies, tame these grizzlies, produce food for these grizzlies, transport food for these grizzlies, and train these grizzlies in the art of security. This solution supplements our country’s vested interest in creating jobs and advancing American prosperity. There are really no other alternatives to this solution.
America cannot restrict access to guns as it would be a clear violation of second amendment rights and go completely against public opinion. President Obama tried to increase gun control following the Sandy Hook massacre with his executive orders that would expand background checks for gun buyers and ban assault weapons. However, an overwhelming majority of 51% of Americans did not support these orders and many argued that the federal government was unconstitutionally broadening its powers and limiting the people’s right to enter a school with a gun. House Speaker Paul Ryan, R-Wisconsin, said Obama's actions "will no doubt be challenged in the courts" and "can be overturned by a Republican President." And now that there is a Republican president, gun control is now both unconstitutional and unfeasible. So really, the only way to protect our students is through stronger security at schools. A grizzly bear is truly a formidable foe that would deter any potential assailant from coming within even a mile of a school. Whether liberal or conservative, black or white, rich or poor, the entire nation can agree that our children must be protected. The safety of America’s future scientists, lawyers, doctors, and teachers is an issue that transverses party lines and is pertinent now more than ever before. School shootings have resulted in 59 deaths and 124 non-fatal gunshot injuries. From a doe-eyed kindergartener to a starry-eyed high school senior, school shootings have been consistently taking the lives of the next generation. And it seems that the only thing that will protect America’s youth is the mighty grizzly
bear.