When He Said To Be Angry

[Sitting in a ball]
Sometimes something makes you hurt so bad
You stop feeling anything at all
Until someone makes you feel again
And then it all comes back
Every word, every moment and every hurt
How could you ever understand? [emphasis, become angry]
I’m sorry [retreat, quickly]

[angry]
You don’t know my story
You haven’t walked my path
You don’t have him
You don’t know our love

My past doesn’t define me
He does
He defines me
I am unseen, unheard, unwanted,
If I am even anything – without him

When you hear a police siren you assume there is danger
But I ignored those signs
The call from the sirens could never get me to leave him to be with them
I’m sorry

“Darling, why are you with him?”
Believe me I asked myself this same question at
[grab lipstick]
I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough
Why I’m not good enough
My whole life men would whistle, howl, call me perfect
But I am not theirs
I am his
And I need to be that perfect artwork that he shows off instead of the suggestion of improvements
[put on lipstick]
I’m sorry

You just don’t know him
You don’t know him like I do
He shows me love, the kind of love everyone tells you to hold on to
That everyone is jealous of

[start putting eye shadow on body]
But that love is leaving marks on my body representing it
Not innocent teenage love bites
But instead like marks in dirt

Black, blue and purple patches of my body are taken away
Laying foundation after foundation to try to keep any innocence or dignity I have left [smack foundation on]
Building the excuses, I would need to say to anyone who would ask
“How are you today?”

You touched my hair so I cut it off [touch hair]
But I couldn’t do that to a limb or my heart
“You’ve had a hair cut, I liked it better long”
You’re right, it doesn’t suit me
I’m sorry

[put eye shadow on eyes]
“Are you trying to look pretty for other guys?”
“Don’t go back to being a whore babe, remember I saved you”
Screaming at the tops of his